<p>Hey Remi56783,</p>
<p>I would give your essay a 4 (borderline 5) out of 6. </p>
<p>You have a nice writing style but you need to be careful about what details you elaborate on. Make sure whatever you go into detail about is necessary to answer the question. All other details should be kept out. Details, like “For instance, I know that in Macau, they speak Portuguese due to European imperialism in the 1800’s” in your first example, are unnecessary and detract from the essay. How does knowing that fact make one openminded, or unprejudiced?</p>
<p>Although your personal experience was very interesting, it only went as far as saying that belonging to groups with different opinions then one’s own makes one “complete and open minded.” This is nice but a little vague and incomplete. I have found that the difference between a 4, 5, and a 6 is largely in critical thinking. Take your ideas to the end. What are implications of this openmindedness in one’s life and in the world? Go one step further by maybe saying something like this: the openmindedness gained from belonging to groups with different perspectives helps one become more understanding and tolerant of the people around them, promoting peace instead of common day conflict. I would recommend not writing about yourself in these essays. It has been shown that essays with examples from history, literature, and the contemporary world score better and with less effort than personal examples.</p>
<p>In your second example, I think you may have needed to be more specific. What is the name of this singer? What specific views did he include in his song that were contrary to his own? What “positive consequences” are created by openmindedness? </p>
<p>Try to include a third example in there. It makes your argument feel more substantiated. Also, I recommend not starting off your conclusion with “to conclude”. It is apparent it is the conclusion.</p>
<p>Look at this link if you haven’t already: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html</a>. Its very helpful for the essay. I hope this helped. Just remember to use relevant details and fully worked out reasoning.</p>
<p>Good luck mastering the SAT essay!</p>