Grade my essay please!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I've done relatively bad on the writing section over and over, so I took a writing section prep course.</p>

<p>Prompt: Should we wait for good things to come, or is destiny not something we can wait for?</p>

<p>Life is what you make of it, you can reap good things or you can get bad things. With the assumption that you all want good things to happen to you, wouldn't your commonsense reaction be to take affirmative action?</p>

<p>A state champion wrestler in high school doesn't ever happen in the first year by luck. No one goes undefeated without putting in physical and mental effort along with sacrifice of the things they love. Each night after a practice that consisted of 40 minutes of drills, 40 of life wrestling and another 20 of sprinting non-stop, a champion goes home, measures a cup of green beans and another of fruit. What for? His dinner.</p>

<p>Not all people take physical action to get their rewards. As a different breed, surgeons take action in a different way, staying up until 3AM to study for the exam tomorrow- just to make sure you know everything. After 4 years of college, you get another 4 in med-school. And if you pass your exams, you'll be in your intern-year and residency. That's not even the light at the end of the tunnel yet- from then on, it's a constant cycle of learning. Your life is your job.</p>

<p>In high school, you meet a large variety of people. There are those who take the affirmative action, and there are those who wait. Modern society assumes destiny is something ingrained in your blood- it's not. If my destiny weren't a matter of choice, as William j. Bryan [author of one of the quotes] suggested, I'd just sit and be a couch potato all day. I'd become one of those who wait. On the contrary, however, what motivates me is the fact that I know destiny isn't a thing you wait for. It's a choice. And I chose my own destiny.</p>

<p>You can clearly see how waiting benefits no one bu the grave digger. Life is short, they say, because once you're 80 and on a rocking chair, you'll regret having waited. Your destiny isn't pre-written at birth- all men are created equal. So get up and stop waiting!</p>

<p>P.S. I don't know if this is just me or not, but I feel like I put too much emotion into the essay.</p>

2

<p>Your examples are all observational. Using literary or historical examples (well) would definitely give you a higher score. Your writing skills are solid though. Good luck with testing!</p>

3

<p>Don’t address the essay to the readers. You are informing the readers, not telling them what to do. Use the pronoun “one” instead of “you.” Also, do not tell your stories about the wrestler and the surgeons in a way that implies every wrestler or every surgeon is the same. You are pooling too many people together and it seems as though you are making assumptions. You can try qualifying the characters by saying “some surgeons” or telling the story of a wrestler using the wrestler’s proper name.</p>

4

<p>or make up a name of a wrestler and say that he’s famous.</p>