Grade my essay please :)

<p>[There is, ofcourse, no legitimate branch of science that enables us to predict the future accurately. yet the degree of change in the worl is so overwhelming and so promising that the future. I leive, is far brighter than anyone has contemplated since the end of the Second World War.</p>

<p>Adapted from Allan E Goodman, A Brief History of the Future; The United States in a Changing World Order]</p>

<p>Assignment: Is the world changing for the better?</p>

<p>I know I'm terrible at essays but if anyone could bluntly read and critique on whats good whats bad and how to make it better that would be great. Thank you.</p>

<p>Is the world changing for the better? Are we not seeing technological advances? Are we not producing more efficient tools and formulas each day? We are in a world that is changing for the better. Allan E. Goodman said, " ..the degree of change in the world is so overwhelming and so promising that the future. I believe is far brighter than anyone has contemplated..." We are seeing changes to our cars, our food, and our lifestyles. We are creating things to help us get through the day such as vaccines and zero emissions transportation.</p>

<p>When we realized that global warming was going to kill us, we changed to more efficient, less polluting ways to power our automobiles. Recently, the Tesla, an all electric, zero emissions car has been produced to counter our potential problem of global warming. With zero emissions cars like the Tesla, there are less worries of pollution as compared to older cars that use fossil fuel. We are creating vaccines that we had never done before. There was a time without vaccines or immunity, and when the Native American Indians were exposed the British diseases when they conquered the Americas, the Indians fell short and died. Nowadays thanks to medical advances, vaccines can be produced to stop diseases.</p>

<p>When we realized the population was devouring more food than we could produce and in turn we are genetically modifying our chickens to make them grow faster in order to feed our demanding populations. Without advances in the food industry we would probably have starved to death by now. The world changes by creating ways to provide for our growing, demanding population.</p>

<p>In the past, we sought for change as our American founding fathers had. We as humans sought for revolution. We saw change as a good thing. When we disliked someone we call for change, a revolution. When the Malaysian people were tired of its corrupt money sucking government, they called for change, even a brutal Civil War to provide the people with proper rights and a government the people wanted.</p>

<p>Everyday the world changes for the better we constantly try to improve lifestyles of people and create tools to help our everyday life. We create vaccines to stop diseases. We created zero emissions vehicles to stop pollution. We created genetically modified chicken to stop starvation. We are constantly changing for the better.</p>

<p>You aren’t “terrible at essays.”</p>

<p>This is a four with some nice moments but too few to move it into the fives.</p>

<p>Issues…</p>

<p>essay structure: a little fact-heavy</p>

<p>sentence structure: controlled</p>

<p>sentence variety: fine except the weirdly repetitive way in which you begin many of your sentences (See what’s in bold below—how the heck did you develop such an affection for the letter “w”?)</p>

<p>vocabulary: smart but not analytical</p>

<p>punctuation/usage: fine</p>

<p>Is the world changing for the better? Are we not seeing technological advances? Are we not producing more efficient tools and formulas each day? We are in a world that is changing for the better. Allan E. Goodman said, " …the degree of change in the world is so overwhelming and so promising that the future. I believe is far brighter than anyone has contemplated…" We are seeing changes to our cars, our food, and our lifestyles. We are creating things to help us get through the day such as vaccines and zero emissions transportation.</p>

<p>When we realized that global warming was going to kill us, we changed to more efficient, less polluting ways to power our automobiles. Recently, the Tesla, an all electric, zero emissions car has been produced to counter our potential problem of global warming. With zero emissions cars like the Tesla, there are less worries of pollution as compared to older cars that use fossil fuel. We are creating vaccines that we had never done before. There was a time without vaccines or immunity, and when the Native American Indians were exposed the British diseases when they conquered the Americas, the Indians fell short and died. Nowadays thanks to medical advances, vaccines can be produced to stop diseases.</p>

<p>When we realized the population was devouring more food than we could produce and in turn we are genetically modifying our chickens to make them grow faster in order to feed our demanding populations. Without advances in the food industry we would probably have starved to death by now. The world changes by creating ways to provide for our growing, demanding population.</p>

<p>In the past, we sought for change as our American founding fathers had. We as humans sought for revolution. We saw change as a good thing. When we disliked someone we call for change, a revolution. When the Malaysian people were tired of its corrupt money sucking government, they called for change, even a brutal Civil War to provide the people with proper rights and a government the people wanted.</p>

<p>Everyday the world changes for the better we constantly try to improve lifestyles of people and create tools to help our everyday life. We create vaccines to stop diseases. We created zero emissions vehicles to stop pollution. We created genetically modified chicken to stop starvation. We are constantly changing for the better.</p>

<p>Okrenzo:</p>

<p>I owe you an apology.</p>

<p>Upon a closer read, this is a three. </p>

<p>The main problem (aside from anything I mentioned above) is the fact that you allow the verb “to create” (in whatever form) to control too many of your sentences.</p>

<p>You are bright enough to score a five or even a six on this.</p>

<p>@jkjeremy: LOL I just realized how many times I’ve been repetitively using the same vocabulary. Thank you so much :D</p>

<p>Try and remove ambiguous pronouns and first person (makes it sound professional). General pieces of advice: write a lot, use big words, cohesive examples/topics are always a plus, and make sure your essay is compelling/interesting!!!</p>