Grade my essay please?

<p>I'm still working on my essays for the SAT on May 3rd, so if anyone would be willing to share their thoughts, it would be greatly appreciated.</p>

<p>Topic: Is the world changing for the better?</p>

<p>In my opinion, the world is changing for the better. New developments in medical research have led to a higher quality of life as well as a longer life. Also, as countries attempt to resolve issues peacefully, the world is becoming more peaceful and thus safer to all. </p>

<p>Cancer has long been a threatening disease to human health and longevity. It often hurts those who are diagnosed with cancer as well as their loved ones. even if patients survive treatment, they will often suffer side effects for the rest of their lives. But now there is hope for all who have been touched by cancer. New treatments with almost no side effects are being developed and approved. Leukemia caused by the translocation of chromosomes can now be effectively treated with a simple pill. This pill, called Gleevec, inhibits the BCR-ABL kinase which causes Leukemia by causing cells to bypass cell division checkpoints. Using this method, BCR-ABL-induced cancers are now completely treatable. In addition, multiple other cancers can be treated and detected like never before. Approximately 30-40% of all cancers can now be treated with targeted therapy. Although 30-40% may sounds low, if one compares that rate to previous rates of less than 1%, it is a definite improvement for the world. Plus, the treatment has almost no side effects as opposed to chemotherapy which damages healthy cells, induces vomiting, and often causes hair loss. By continuing to target each cancer causing gene and its product, cancer will eventually be just another sinus infections that needs a ill to be treated.</p>

<p>Cancer research has improved the world for the sick, but peaceful debates and discussion has promoted greater safety for everyone. With the growth of the UN and tighter interdependence around the world, countries must now resort to peaceful discussion in order to accomplish anything. Iran has wanted its sanctions removed, so it can trade with other countries and revitalize its economy. To do this, it has a more moderate president, Rouhani, who wishes to befriend the West. By agreeing to keep uranium refinement to a maximum of 10% and removing all uranium that has been refined to a higher percentage, Iran has shown its willingness to use peaceful negotiations, as opposed to violence to achieve its goal which allows the people of the world to be safer, thus making the world a better place.</p>

<p>By giving people a safer, healthier place to live, the world has become better in ensuring a greater quality and quantity of life. The world will only continue to develop as new improvements are made. </p>

<p>I find your essay powerful and supportive!
Experts always say its safer to use 2 to 3 examples in your essay because it saves time and also its more likely to strengthen your argument.
However here in your essay you extended your one example; its also a great way of writing !
When you extend an example, though, you should be careful to state more than an aspect of that example.
Also try to add more statements that would relate your essay to the whole universe and how (your example) could affect the whole society either positively or negatively.
Another small point is that “Plus” is not a formal way in resembling addition. Try using “In addition to” or "Furthermore " instead.
Try also to vary your vocabulary more. (which I am also working on :frowning: )</p>

<p>I hope that’s helpful! :slight_smile:
I’d give your essay a 10! :)</p>

<p>Please if you don’t mind to also let me know your opinion on my essay! :slight_smile:
I am also taking it tomorrow (3rd of may)
Thank you in advance :)</p>

<p>My essay
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