Grade my essay please?

<p>Prompt 1
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>If an old tradition is still around today, we can assume that it deserves to remain in existence. Well-established customs, styles that are still popular, and ideas that people still find sensible survive because these traditions are strong enough to survive. Continuity guarantees quality. Old-fashioned hospitality, old-fashioned politeness, old-fashioned honor in business—all these traditions have qualities of survival. Fortunately, these will always be with us. </p>

<p>Adapted from Jacob Braude, Jacob Braude's Second Encyclopedia of Stories, Quotations, and Anecdotes</p>

<p>Assignment:
Do all established traditions deserve to remain in existence? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:
Established traditions do not deserve to remain in existence. </p>

<p>Slavery was a tradition that had existed for hundreds of years. Slaver was a well established tradition that was removed because of the horrible treatment to Africans, Native Americans and other indigenous peoples. If this well established practice deserved to be in existence, many abolitionist movements would not have occurred. The abolitionist believed that slaver is an unjust practice that should be removed. African Americans such as Sojourner Truth and others fought for the removal of slavery. Sojourner Truth wrote a novel titled Uncle Tom's Cabin. In this novel, she wrote about the story of a slave and his dreadful experiences in this time period. The Underground Railroad was also created in an effort to free slaves. Blacks and whites alike who disagreed with this tradition helped slaves escaped to the North. Slavery was a tradition practiced generations ago that was prevalent everywhere yet people still felt that it did not deserve to exist.</p>

<p>The manners and attitudes towards African Americans were also well established traditions that did not deserve to exist. In the novel To Kill a Mockingbird, an African American named Tom was accused of raping a white girl even thou the evidence provided proved that he was innocent. The real culprit was the girls father, who was exonerated. Tom was proved guilty because during that time period in the South, African Americans were treated poorly and unjustly. This unfair justice and treatment had existed for many years before in Europe, where non-white races were seen as inferior. The well established tradition of injustice towards African Americans was eventually removed through the actions of Martin Luther King Jr., during the civil rights movement. King conducted peaceful protests, originating from Mahatma Gandhi, and eventually gained equality for all minorities in America.</p>

<p>Well established traditions, practices and mannerisms do not deserve to be in existence. Long lasting traditions such as slavery and the injustice towards minorities were two practices that people felt shouldn't exist and now don't. </p>

<p>Thanks</p>

<p>Lack some structure, especially seeing that you dont have a intro paragraph. I recommend sticking to the cookie-cutter format since you never know what those people in turtlenecks and dark-rimmed glasses want. </p>

<p>I would say around a 8 or so. </p>

<p>Your mastery is lacking, you should try to write a bit more. For example some specifics:</p>

<p>African Americans such as Sojourner Truth and others fought for the removal of slavery. Sojourner Truth wrote a novel titled Uncle Tom’s Cabin. In this novel, she wrote about the story of a slave and his dreadful experiences in this time period.</p>

<p>This could have easily been made into one single, compact sentence which strongly supports your argument. </p>

<p>King conducted peaceful protests, originating from Mahatma Gandhi, and eventually gained equality for all minorities in America.</p>

<p>Hmm, dont see how this is useful unless you start paragraph 3 about Ghandi.</p>

<p>Better than most people, keep trying!</p>

<p>Thanks, and lol, I just realized this. Harriet Beacher Stowe wrote Uncle Tom’s Cabin. lol, I doubt they would care. And yea, I think I should’ve started a paragraph about Gandhi. Also, what introduction should I have? I read somewhere that stating your thesis is acceptable for the SAT essay. Thanks for grading my essay and I am kind of content with an 8. I suck at writing, lol</p>

<p>ehh…you’re wording is kinda awkward. The literature references seem rather trite and contrived. I agree with kidwithshirt’s comments :D</p>

<p>Thanks ociosskmi. When I read the prompt I really couldn’t think of anything but about what we were learning in US History, slavery, so I just used that. What could I do to improve my essay? How can I develop me introduction (or rather, how should I make one)?</p>

<p>avman you can`t start with an example…</p>

<p>I agree. where is your quasi thesis/intro paragraph?</p>

<p>My thesis/entire 1st sentence was established traditions do not deserve to remain in existence. Yea, I know it sucks but I couldn’t think of an intro to start off with.</p>

<p>probably should get a 7 or so.</p>

<p>but since this is CC i give you a 2.</p>

<p>Thanks stephennn, but on CC this would be a 0 because its not a 12, lol.</p>

<p>Had this same topic and got a seven. I kinda went on a tangent though</p>