<p>Well I suggest you read and re-read the question… "Are people’s lives the result of the choices they make? “</p>
<p>Please remember that ANY essay question that is phrased as such, will always have too opinions to it. It is always good to keep what is known as a “balance” in your claim. E.g. if you claim that people lives, are the result of the choices they make, then its best you elaborate on that claim. However, you can not forget that a good essay, especially an opinionated or an argumentative one, MUST have a counter opinion/claim mentioned, so that the reader knows the two views. So always have a counter claim in your essay, strategically towards the end of your essay.. You can bridge the gap between the two claims by saying… “on the other hand” or “however” or “furthermore.” or " connecter further" or “conversely speaking” and so on and so forth. I find that lacking. so i graded it 8/12. Work on your examples, you don’t have to answer the question directly.</p>
<p>Be creative, that’s what the essay is about. Try to write in “second person” voice…i.e., instead of saying “everyday, a person on earth is…” and don’t say “people’s lives are…" rather include the reader, make it such: “on a daily basis YOU are faced with …" or say” YOUR life is…" trust me, it makes for good reading, and you should earn a good 11.
Even if your examples are weak, you can always get away with a god score, by adopting the write style and format. Your diction was common, yet effective. 8/12! Good try…</p>