Grade My Essay

Test Preparation
1

<p>The two times I took my SAT, I got 8's. I want to raise it at least to a ten. My major problem is thinking of ideas - it takes me a while.
This is an essay I did for this prompt.
"An actor, when his cue came, was unable to move onto the stage. He said, "I can't get in, the chair is in the way." And the producer said, "Use the difficulty. If it's a drama, pick the chair up and smash it. If it's a comedy fall over it." From this experience the actor concluded that in any situation in life that is negative, there is something positive you can do with it.</p>

<p>Assignment: Can any obstacle or disadvantage be turned into something good? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>My essay:
Obstacles are disadvantages that occur through all people. But what most people don't realize is that obstacles can be used to their advantage.</p>

<pre><code>One example is in the video game industry. Throughout its existence, the video game industry has run into a number of ideas from obstacles. One of the most famous of this is the birth of the Sony Playstation. It all started during the early 1990s, when the Super Nintendo Entertainment System was in its prime. Nintendo's system was succeeding, but they wanted to compete against the Sega CD system. To do this, Nintendo hired Sony – one of the greatest electronics companies- to build a CD add-on to the Super Nintendo. Sony's engineers worked hard on this project to build a working prototype. Finally, this add-on was going to be announced at a gaming convention. Shockingly, Nintendo announced they would be going with Phillips (another electronics manufacturer) for the CD add-on-without Sony knowing. This put Sony at a major disadvantage, since a lot of money was put into this project. However, this disadvantage became a great idea. Sony used the prototype for Nintendo's CD add-on to create its own console called the Sony Playstation. This system became a huge hit – beating both Nintendo's and Sega's consoles in sales.

I experienced another example of this. My community service organization entered a contest at a senior citizen shelter. Three teams were competing to make the best cake, and the shelter's inhabitants would pick the one they liked the best. The grand prize was 500 dollars. This money would help to greatly expand our organization, so we really needed it. So worked hard on the cake, making sure to follow the recipe online exactly as it is. We were just about to finish the wet ingredients when we realized the recipe called for eggs. The shelter we were going to had a large number of Jain inhabitants, and their religion prohibited eating eggs. This was a huge obstacle, because we had not bought any egg replacements for the cake. If we used eggs in the cake, we would be disqualified immediately if someone found out. We looked online for something we could use, and finally the great idea came to us. We could use bananas as an egg replacement. So we tried this idea and the extra addition of bananas made the cake taste great. It was well received by all of the shelter's inhabitants, and we easily won first place.

Obstacles are something that all people dread, but if one thinks hard enough he can use them to his advantage.
</code></pre>

2

<p>It’s probably an 7. You need to explain more. The examples are good, but you focus too much on them. Spend less time describing the situation, and spend more time writing about how an obstacle can be an advantage.</p>

3

<p>Too few examples. Add more “SAT vocabulary”. Probably another 8.</p>

4

<p>The two examples that you chose are very good. They are very much on topic, and encourage the reader to read through to the conclusion. I certainly did.</p>

<p>There are however numerous small grammar and choice-of-word errors in your essay. My sense is that the grader will deduct 2+ points for these. I encourage you to work with someone who can help you through these errors while preserving the sense and flow of your essay.</p>

5

<p>You need to elaborate more clearly, add some better vocabulary, make your sentence structure vary a little more, fix some grammar mistakes, and organize your thoughts better.</p>

6

<p>Practice writing SAT prompts with timing and, if possible, without knowing the prompt ahead of time. If you practice this two or three times per week, you can easily get yourself up to a 9/10/11.<br>
In order to improve your writing, reread your prompts and make note of whenever you use the verbs “put”, “had”, and “get”; contractions; using “this” or “that” without a noun/noun phrase following (such as in the topic sentence of your second example); using “like”, either as a verb or a comparative; whenever you use second person when not in dialogue; vague words such as “thing”, “stuff”, and “a lot”; and writing sentences that include variations of “I think”. Also, if you can use an action verb instead of a linking verb and active voice instead of passive voice, it will vastly improve the strength of your writing. Try to include more “SAT words”, and strong, charged verbs, which will also improve your writing.</p>