<p>Hey CCers. I'd really appreciate it if you could give me a hand here. This is my second essay I've written and I need a couple tips on how to improve it.</p>
<p>If you guys could leave me some extra tips on these, I'd be eternally grateful.
- Transitions (this one's big. I've never been good at transitions)
- Word choice
- Structure
- Length (as in, how do I make my essay as long as possible without making it redundant?)</p>
<p>Here's the essay!</p>
<p>A young girl, no older than the mere age of fifteen, trudges along the empty hallway, her eyelids heavy with sleep. She stifles a yawn as she enters her next class: AP Chemistry. As her figure drops into the empty seat, a wave of laziness takes over her. She knows that it is a difficult class and she knows that this stuff is going to be on the final exam. With a disgruntled sigh, her eyelids droop and everything is black.</p>
<p>School has many purposes but the undoubtedly predominant one is to help students learn. School is for teaching students both the basic and not-so-basic fundamentals to get you into college. It is a vital part of ones life. But whats the point of going to school is you cant even focus? Whats the point of taking rigorous honors classes if you can even stay awake during the lectures? When students dont get enough sleep, they are going to make up for it in some way. Some may resort to heavily caffeinated drinks whereas others sleep at other convenient timesa. k. a. during those boring yet crucial classes.</p>
<p>Take me for example. Im a fairly good student. I listen, take notes and ace pop quizzesfor the most part, that is. I go to bed around 10 (after Ive finished all my homework, extracurriculars and dinner) but I fall asleep around 11-12. I wake up at six which gives me an average of 6-7 hours of sleep. According to studies, the average teen needs 10 hours to sleep. It doesnt take a genius to figure out that I, along with a hundred other teens nationwide, do not get enough sleep. This results in sluggishness of epic proportions during the first two or three classes.</p>
<p>However, fast forward a couple days to our schools first two hour delay of the year. Instead of waking up at six, I wake up at 8, giving me a total of 8-9 hours of blissful sleep. Those two hours make all the difference for me. During that day, I feel fresh, alert and ready to learn. No longer do my eyelids feel like they weigh a ton.</p>
<p>Some will disagree with my stance. Theyll say something about how kids should go to bed early. What they forget, though, is that a lot of people cant. I have a friend who has a legitimate sleeping problem. It doesnt matter whether she goes to sleep at 6PM or 11PM, until the clock strikes midnight, she just cant sleep! I have another friend too. Hes in the varsity football team, he has a job and hes currently enrolled in several AP classes. By the time hes done with his homework, practice and work, its already eleven o clock. Another thing that seems to be highly overlooked is how different youth is now. You dont hear about afternoon parties ever. Its always Thursday evening or Sunday night. Teen social life in the 21st century revolves heavily around night time. Its just how it is. If someone were to fall asleep at eight every day, they would miss everything from parties to school sponsored events like prom of football games (which tend to last till 10PM, minimum). This causes people to lose sleep and they pay for it the next day. </p>
<p>As I stated before, I think starting school a few hours later would be beneficial in the long run. As Johnathan James once said, whats the point in going to school if you are unable to pay attention?</p>
<p>Thanks!</p>