Grade my essay?

<p>Please grade my essay! I understand there are mistakes, but I wrote it all in 25 minutes and didn't want to fix punctuation errors before submitting it here; I want an accurate score as possible haha. I'm shooting for as close to 800 in Writing as possible :) </p>

<p>Prompt:</p>

<p>Governments, businesses, groups, or people reveal themselves by how they act, not by what they say. A company may claim to value its customers, or a politician may claim to be committed to a cause, but what do their actions say? People or groups may state what they wish were true or what they think others want to hear, but it is their actions that reveal their true values. </p>

<p>Assignment: Do actions, not words, reveal a person or group's true attitudes and intentions?</p>

<p>Actions, not words, reveal a person’s true attitudes and intentions. In other words, actions speak louder than words. Throughout the extent of mankind, and insightful works on extraordinary literature, the critical evidence to corroborate my comprehensive outlook is pervasive. </p>

<p>Through the actions of Mahatma Gandhi, it is evident that actions, rather than words, reveal a person’s true intentions. In the early 1900’s, the British ruled India. Although many people voiced their opposition to the cruel reign of the British, nobody bothered actually doing something about it. That is, until Gandhi decided to practice nonviolent methods in hopes of achieving freedom for India. Gandhi was one of the few who expressed genuine concern about the current state of affairs in India and actually decided to take a stand for what he believed in. His actions exemplified his concern for his nation. Soon, others began to follow Gandhi’s example; they began to follow his principle of civil disobedience, which was the practice of collectively disobeying the orders of the British. Although some of the immediate consequences were harsh, the actions of Gandhi and his followers ultimately bore fruit. The British receded out of India, giving it its freedom. Because Gandhi’s tactics were so successful, he is now considered one of the most prominent founding fathers of India. Hence, actions reveal a person’s true intentions much more than words do.</p>

<p>As demonstrated by Napoleon in “Animal Farm” by George Orwell, actions depict a person’s actual attitude and intentions more than words do. The story takes place on a farm, and revolves primarily around the animals living on it. However, there is actually an underlying meaning to the farm. It actually represents communist Russia, in which there was conflict between Lenin and Stalin for dictatorship. These characters are represented by the pigs Snowball and Napoleon, respectively. The pigs are by far the most intelligent of animals on the farm, while the rest are not bright at all. After the antagonist, Napoleon, chases his only rival, Snowball, off the farm, he begins exploiting the low intelligence of the other animals. In his meetings, Napoleon would discuss how the farm is prospering under his effective rule, and the animals would not doubt him, when, in fact, he was extremely disingenuous. He would steal food behind their backs and make them do all the laborious tasks around the farm. Clearly, actions provide the most accurate representations of a person’s true intentions as depicted by Napoleon.</p>

<p>Through the examples of Gandhi and Napoleon, actions, indeed, reveal a person’s true attitudes and intention. The idea that actions speak louder than words ultimately leads to a more progressive and harmonious society.</p>

<p>BTW please disregard obvious typos that I made while typing my essay onto CC (I actually did the essay by hand on paper). ie: “intention” needs to be “intentions” in the last paragraph.</p>

<p>BUMP Nobody wants to grade my essay? Is it that bad? :(</p>

<p>I would probably give you a 5 out of 6. Remember, there are two people grading your essay. </p>

<p>I think your introductory paragraph could be stronger. Your thesis should be at the last sentence of your intro paragraph according to several SAT Prep classes and SAT tutors. You also rehash yourself in the second sentence; it seems redundant. However, it is only 25 minutes, so I guess you won’t be penalized for that.</p>

<p>Also, I tend to score higher when I place my specific examples in the intro paragraph, and then explain them throughout the two body paragraphs.</p>

<p>Just my two cents.</p>