Grade my essay.

<p>Are people's actions motivated primarily by a desire for power over others?</p>

<pre><code> Consciously or not, we all strive for power some way or another; we like having some sort of power over something or someone. Even when we try to be kind or helpful to someone, we, unintentionally, exert some control over that person.

In the manuscript Will to Power by Freidrich Nietzsche, he presented his theory of human behaviour, he addressed, and attacked concepts from philosophies popularly embraced in his days, such as utilitarians. Utilitarians claim that what moves people is mainly the desire to be happy. Such a conception of happiness, Nietzsche rejected as something limited to the bourgeois lifestyle of the English society, and instead put forth the idea that happiness is not an aim per se, it is instead a consequence of a successful pursuit of one's aim of the overcoming of hurdles to one's actions, in other words, of the fulfillment of the will.

Nevertheless, even when one does not deliberately strive for some sort of consequent power from an action; that strive, subconsciously, exists. A philanthropist who donates massive sum of money, practically thinking, expects some sort of control in this nonprofitable organization. And when the control is denied, he cannot help but feel slightly morose. Hence, it can be determined that he, the philanthropist, fancies some control over those he benefited, too.

People are primarily motivated by their survival instinct, and that mostly means, to some individuals, to have some sort of security and stability, which can be gained by feeling that one has control over something or someone. Perhaps someone might think that one's actions are merely motivated by greed, but power, also, motivates and encourages good actions.
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<p>I’d give it a 3 (maybe a little harsh). Your second paragraph does not reference the thesis. The 3rd paragraph seems to finish the second then begin a new example which is not specific enough. The conclusion brings in several new points instead of summarizing the examples and reemphasizing the thesis. You’re a good writer, with better organization you can achieve a high score.</p>

<p>Its a high 3. Its an interesting argument that you almost develop. If your conclusion had even referenced your two examples it would have been a 4. </p>

<p>The gratuitous use of “morose” was jarring. </p>

<p>“A philanthropist” is too vague- you should have referenced a specific person. For instance, there is a well-know episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” where Larry David, a multimillionaire, gives money to a charity but he wants everyone to know it was him, <em>and</em> he wants the donation to be titularly ‘anonymous’. Essentially he wants to control people by making them think he is a great guy and also think he is a modest guy, when he is neither. </p>

<p>You also could have tied “overcoming of hurdles to one’s actions” more directly to control over other people.</p>