Grade my Essay? :)

<p>Hi CCers, I just wrote an essay on the prompt in the old BB Test 1:
-"To Change is to risk something, making us feel insecure. Not to change is a bigger risk, though we seldom feel that way. There is no choice but to change. People, however, cannot be motivated to change from the outside. All of our motivation comes from within"
-Prompt: What motivates people to change?
-(P.S. Please try to grade it realistically w/ a 2 minute time limit) </p>

<pre><code> Change is inevitable. Many people are afraid of change and try to elude its embrace. A small minority, however, sees change as an opportunity to achieve. Several examples from history, science, and contemporary events show that change is caused by many varying factors.
</code></pre>

<p>In the 1960s, the civil rights movement was rising in the U.S. Martin Luther King Jr., a clergyman, led this revolution and eventually secured equal rights for all men. Segregation was widespread during this time period. Dr. King Jr. realized that this disparity between people of different ethnic backgrounds needed to be eradicated. Therefore, because of his own personal sense of equality and justice, this man spearheaded what was one of the most impactful events in history. This change was spurred by simple human morality.</p>

<p>Another example of change can be seen in the case of Mark Zuckerberg. Now the CEO of one of the largest web corporations in the world, Zuckerberg recognized flaws in the sluggish process of communication and worked tirelessly to remedy these problems. While attending Harvard University in 2004, Mark wanted to facilitate online networking and thus devoted all of his mental energy to developing a website called "Facebook". This endeavor took up so much of the college student's time that he ended up dropping out of Harvard. However, this was not necessarily a bad thing, as Zuckerberg continued his quest and eventually solved the problem he had noticed. In this instance, change was motivated by a desire to expedite communication between people.</p>

<p>Finally, Kelvin Doe, a fourteen year old boy from Swahili was motivated to change and improve his community out of pure curiosity. Doe gathered electronic scrap parts from waste facilities near his village and assembled these pieces to create a primitive radio broadcast station. With this equipment, the boy brought music and entertainment to his community under the stage name of "DJ Focus". Now, Doe has been recognized internationally and influenced others to fund the construction of radio stations in third world countries. With an inquisitive mind, Kelvin helped bring happiness into people's everyday lives.</p>

<p>The world is driven by change. Some view it as a harbinger of problems. Change, however, is not always a bad thing. As seen through the analysis of a civil rights activist, a CEO, and a teenage boy, change is often motivated by problems themselves.</p>

<p>“What motivates people to change”</p>

<p>Only one of your examples is about change, And in that case the ‘what’ seems tacked on (“This change was spurred by simple human morality”)</p>

<p>Oh, I thought all of my examples showed change, as in the 2nd was motivated by a “desire to expedite communication between people.”
and the third was “pure curiousity/an inquisitive mind” (because he is so young)</p>