Grade my ESSAY

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Please give my essay an honest grade (1-12). When in doubt, criticize. I know my style may be a little wordy and some of my facts a little crooked, but literary pomposity and factual hyperbole pay dividends on the SAT.</p>

<p>Prompt: Can any obstacle be turned into something good?</p>

<pre><code> As we meander down the complex roads that will ultimately define our lives, we will indubitably encounter obstacles and impasses. Some people will try but fail to surmount them, some will retreat, and others will defiantly hoist themselves above the impediment.

 One such person to evince such fortitude was Jamez Gatz in F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby." Gatz was born into a bucolic town on the shores of Lake Michigan, a soporific village of men and women whose lives moved no faster than the tides of the Lake. One day James encountered the yacht of a wealthy New York banker, a fiduciary titan whose yacht had an ineffable gaudiness unprecedented in Gatz's world. From that day forward, James Gatz would become a new man- he even changed his name to Jay Gatsby- and embarked on a turbulent, tempestuous voyage to the top rung of the economic ladder. His inherited disadvantage, his lack of opportunity in his rustic homeotnw, became fuel for his infernal desire to ascend into New York's plutocratic social stratosphere.

The lives of our forebears echoes these same sentiments. The American Revolutionary War is one such paradigmatic example of obstacle being forged into advantage. Geographically, the United States was an economic pariah, forced into ostracization by miles and miles of blue sea. This led to America being out of the inner loop of Western European trade and caused the nascent nation to not be privy to several key European happenings. However, when the country- then the colonies- sought to shatter its shackles and liberate itself from the throngs of monarchy imposed by Great Britain, this augmented America's advantages. Great Britain had to send troops across a lethal, seething ocean and into a land that bore few economic fruits. In the end, America's geography became Britain's detriment and our own advantage.

Obstacles, paradoxically, often evolve into positive factors. History and literature both buttress this assertion and evince this truth, particulary in "The Great Gatsby" and the American Revolution.
</code></pre>

<p>Yours Truly,</p>

<p>Geoff Chaucer</p>

2

<p>i have no idea what your saying.</p>

3

<p>I know my style may be a little wordy and some of my facts a little crooked, but literary pomposity and factual hyperbole pay dividends on the SAT.</p>

<p>Yes, but only when what you say sounds natural and doesn’t sound bad, unlike this.</p>

<p>As we meander down the complex roads that will ultimately define our lives, we will indubitably encounter obstacles and impasses. Some people will try but fail to surmount them, some will retreat, and others will defiantly hoist themselves above the impediment.</p>

<p>! So what’s the answer to your questioin? Yes or no? Your thesis doesn’t answer the question. This is already an essay about to go down in flames. I can feel it. An essay that doesn’t answer the question will get a 2 out of 12.</p>

<p>One such person to evince such fortitude was Jamez Gatz in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby.” </p>

<p>Not another Great Gatsby!</p>

<p>Gatz was born into a bucolic town on the shores of Lake Michigan, a soporific village of men and women whose lives moved no faster than the tides of the Lake. </p>

<p>Your SAT words don’t make you sound smart. They make you sound desperate.</p>

<p>One day James encountered the yacht of a wealthy New York banker, a fiduciary titan whose yacht had an ineffable gaudiness unprecedented in Gatz’s world. From that day forward, James Gatz would become a new man- he even changed his name to Jay Gatsby- and embarked on a turbulent, tempestuous voyage to the top rung of the economic ladder. </p>

<p>All this should be cut short. All this is bad writing that won’t help your SAT score: The main character, Jay Gatsby, encountered much adversity throughout his life, from ____ to ___ to <strong><em>. After reflecting on his corrupt activites, he decided to turn over a new leaf. He became driven to _</em></strong>__.</p>

<p>His inherited disadvantage, his lack of opportunity in his rustic homeotnw, became fuel for his infernal desire to ascend into New York’s plutocratic social stratosphere.</p>

<p>This all sounds very good, but I have one question. SO WHAT??? What’s the answer to your question: can any obstacle be turned to good? You don’t say yes or no. Your paragraph could mean yes, but it can also mean no. What you’ve written is essentially a load of fluffy garbage that doesn’t answer the question, an essay of the most irritating type.</p>

<p>The lives of our forebears echoes these same sentiments. The American Revolutionary War is one such paradigmatic example of obstacle being forged into advantage. Geographically, the United States was an economic pariah, forced into ostracization by miles and miles of blue sea. This led to America being out of the inner loop of Western European trade and caused the nascent nation to not be privy to several key European happenings. However, when the country- then the colonies- sought to shatter its shackles and liberate itself from the throngs of monarchy imposed by Great Britain, this augmented America’s advantages. Great Britain had to send troops across a lethal, seething ocean and into a land that bore few economic fruits. In the end, America’s geography became Britain’s detriment and our own advantage. </p>

<p>Again, this sounds good, but it doesn’t answer the question. Leaving this entire paragraph out would have been better; it would have saved your grader’s time, and it would have saved your time. This adds absolutely nothing.</p>

<p>Here’s how you may want to go about writing your essay.</p>

<p>Read the question.
Think about your answer.
Say what your answer to the question is; in fact, write it out on the test booklet (this way you have at least answered the question).
Write out the pieces of evidence that drove you to this thesis.
These will be your supporting paragraphs. Develop topic sentences (which support the thesis) for them, and then support those topic sentences.</p>

<p>This is the backbone for a good essay.</p>

4

<p>I’ll give you an example tomorrow.</p>

5

<p>Here’s how I approach the prompt:</p>

<p>Can any obstacle be turned into something good?</p>

<p>My initial response is yes, any obstacle can be turned into something good. The key word is “any.” You have to incorporate that somehow into your essay. You can’t just give two examples of obstacles that are turned into something good, because that doesn’t show that ANY obstacle can be turned into something good. So how can I explain a few examples that show that any obstacles can be made good?</p>

<p>Well, if any obstacle gets removed and if you achieve a goal, the good thing is that now you know what to do the next time you are faced with that obstacle. But what about those obstacles that you can’t remove? What good can be taken away from that? Well, the good thing is that you can learn a lesson and think about ways to solve the problem. Here’s an example of an obstacle that was removed: I could use Martin Luther King, Jr (a hackneyed example). What about a goal that wasn’t achieved? How about ways to reform the school system? Perfect! I have my thesis and my examples, and I know that I have encompassed all obstacles. Now I can go about writing the essay.</p>

<p>Here’s an outline, because I won’t write the whole essay.</p>

<p>Intro, intro,… thesis: Any obstacle can be turned into something good.</p>

<p>Body paragraph 1:
Topic sentence: When an obstacle has been removed and a goal has been achieved, the good that can be extracted from the experience is the knowledge of how to tackle similar obstacles next time.
Example: For example, before the major civil rights era of the 1960’s, many African Americans attempted to solve the racial problem through violence. (Give example of a use of violence that was often used to try to get racial equality). Martin Luther King Jr. demonstrated an effective method for removing this obstacle: the method of nonviolent protest. (Then explain how it was effective.) As a result, much of the civil rights protests revolved and will revolve around non-violence, since this has been shown to be an effective method for solving the civil rights problem. When past obstacles have been removed, then, the method used to remove the obstacle can be used again and again to remove similar hindrances in the future. (Transition)</p>

<p>Body paragraph 2:
Even when an obstacle hasn’t been removed, a good experience can be derived from it. For example, the issue of how to ensure that every graduate of Washington State has received an education that will prepare graduates for the world has been debated for many decades. The obstacle still hasn’t removed, but proponents of school reform can use past failures and experiences to help find new, more effective solutions. (give example of failure and possibility of new solution). An obstacle, even one that hasn’t been removed, can turn into a good thing which is the ability to use past failures to find future solutions.</p>

<p>Conclusion: Obstacles that have been removed can be tackled by using similar methods as before. Obstacles that haven’t been removed can be converted into opportunities for future solutions. Therefore, any obstacle, whether it has been removed or not, can be turned into a good thing.</p>

<p>Now, that, if I do say so myself is how an SAT essay should be written.</p>

6

<p>By the way, here’s what Adam, the author of RocketReview itself, said on his website: </p>

<p>“About the SAT essay, I’ve noticed that a number of students are OVERusing big words. As I said in the book, you do NOT want to appear that you are TRYING to impress the graders, or your efforts will backfire. Just “sprinkle” your essay with big words, 1 or 2 per paragraph – especially the opening and closing paragraphs – is all it takes to impress the graders.”</p>

7

<p>A number of the big words in the essay are not used correctly (i.e., “soporific” “fiduciary” and “throngs”). Don’t use any word–big or small–unless you really understand what it means.</p>

8

<p>Dchow,</p>

<p>In the future I will make my thesis more explicit, although I do think that because my examples are both of obstacles being turned into advantages, the reader would probably be able to infer my thesis. I took the December SAT and got an 11 on the essay and thought juicing up the vocab might get me a 12 in March, guess not though. Thanks for the advice. I’m writing another essay today and will post it today or tomorrow for more feedback.</p>

9

<p>If your essay got an 11 and not a 12, the reason is not because of vocab. It’s most likely because a paragraph could have been supported a little better.</p>