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[quote]
"Whether you think you can, or that you can't, you are usually right"
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<p>Assignment: Does attitude determine success and failure in an endeavor? Plan and write an essay that develops and supports your views on this issue.</p>
<p>Click</a> for my essay.</p>
<p>Nice essay, 9 out of 12</p>
<p>Thanks! Could you tell me what I could improve, and where I went wrong? :)</p>
<p>Despite the fact that I could spot no grammatical or spelling errors (I did a quick breeze-through), I would score it a 7 or 8 simply based on syntax. But moreover, the second paragraph is a bit vague, and seems a bit rushed, while the last paragraph is too short. :)</p>
<p>10, I did decent (11) on my essay so here's my advice.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>DO NOT FLIP FLOP, take a stand and stick by it. I don't know whether you've taken AP Lang. but if you have do not QUALIFY the arguement. Just agree/disagree and be firm in your stance. I know that this entirely different from different essays where one writes an arguementative piece acknowledging both sides but this is NOT the place. </p></li>
<li><p>Your intro while catchy was vague. You should have plainly stated. I agree/I disagree and then state thesis, and you're on your way. Also, for this essay its kind of wierd imo writing about the Fuher in the intro and not even mentioning him in the body paragraphs. </p></li>
<li><p>If you're going to use 2 exs. I STRONGLY suggest it not be a personal/whatever. Personal ain't that strong, you can basically make up anything which I'm not saying you did for the prompt but its not the best example. The Great Expectations however was excellent, if you had another excellent example like using a historical example of the Fuher I would've said 12 w/o a doubt. </p></li>
<li><p>Write a VERY STRONG conclusion. This is key, examples even if okay will suffice, I mean no one expects to make a flawless example but a strong into & conclusion will get you that 12. </p></li>
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<p>G/L, and keep practicing.</p>
<p>
[quote]
1. DO NOT FLIP FLOP, take a stand and stick by it. I don't know whether you've taken AP Lang. but if you have do not QUALIFY the arguement. Just agree/disagree and be firm in your stance. I know that this entirely different from different essays where one writes an arguementative piece acknowledging both sides but this is NOT the place.
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<p>I did stay firm. In all my examples, I AM saying that outcome cannot be determined by attitude alone.</p>
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[quote]
2. Your intro while catchy was vague. You should have plainly stated. I agree/I disagree and then state thesis, and you're on your way. Also, for this essay its kind of wierd imo writing about the Fuher in the intro and not even mentioning him in the body paragraphs.
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<p>True, but you have to admit that it does catch the interest of the reader very well. I thought it was a good hook.</p>
<p>
[quote]
3. If you're going to use 2 exs. I STRONGLY suggest it not be a personal/whatever. Personal ain't that strong, you can basically make up anything which I'm not saying you did for the prompt but its not the best example. The Great Expectations however was excellent, if you had another excellent example like using a historical example of the Fuher I would've said 12 w/o a doubt.
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<p>Yeah, I myself believe the personal example was the weak link in my essay. Not very convincing... Maybe I should have used the Fuhrer's example... Thanks!!</p>
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[quote]
4. Write a VERY STRONG conclusion. This is key, examples even if okay will suffice, I mean no one expects to make a flawless example but a strong into & conclusion will get you that 12.
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<p>I am afraid I do not understand. Are you saying I should add another example in the intro? In what way can I make it "stronger"?</p>
<p>I know that the first example and the conclusion are short... maybe I should write in a smaller handwriting to get more space...</p>
<p>The conclusion should relate to the introduction and leave the reader in awe.</p>
