~Grade my Essay~

<p>What do you think this essay deserves? </p>

<p>ASSIGNMENT: Does fame bring happiness, or are people who are not famous more likely to be happy? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>"The best things in life are free”. This is a common saying and I believe that it’s true. While many teenagers, children, and adults are convinced that fame brings happiness- fame isn’t simply a free gift. In fact, one has to work hard to achieve fame, and I believe that many of those who do happen to achieve fame, are discontent and left unsatisfied. Examples of famous celebrities and sports stars who visibly carry the burden of fame are everywhere- even if the public doesn’t notice.
Joe DiMaggio was an excellent baseball player. He could bat, he could run all the bases, and score homeruns. However, as much as DiMaggio was famous for his outstanding sports accomplishments, the fame took a toll on him later. He was a drinker- he drank to make the pain go away, and his body wasn’t always in terrific shape. In fact, after the first few months of his life, Joe DiMaggio wasn’t always the upbeat and dedicated baseball player he seemed to be. DiMaggio was famous for what he was good at, but it was obvious to the public that later, fame had become a burden he and his health simply couldn’t endure.
Another example of fame (and the terrible burden it provides) is evident in the classic novel, The Great Gatsby. Mr. Gatsby, one of the main characters, is incredibly rich, and one could easily assume- famous. Yet it was seen throughout the book that Gatsby was nowhere close to being satisfied with his life. He believed it was his fame (and attitude) that were the reasons that Gatsby couldn’t have the heart of his long-time love, Daisy. His fame brought him feelings of loneliness and utter dissatisfaction with himself. As a result of this, at the conclusion of this novel, Gatsby didn’t meet an extraordinarily optimistic end- all because of his fame, and partially because of his success that brought Gatsby’s low interpretation of himself.
Lastly, and this is a very common example to teenagers today (as well as most of modern society)- celebrity trauma. Just to name an example of a celebrity who thought the burden of fame was too much to bear- Britney Spears. It was a shock to the media and general public when she took a turn in her career for the worse! She wasn’t a dedicated a singer, she blew off the media, and most unexpectedly of all- she shaved her head. Isn’t it now evident of the immense toll fame takes on individuals? Fame may bring happiness to some people, but many merely see fame as an equivalent to sorrow and dissatisfaction with life.
In conclusion, although fame is one thing modern society greatly yearns for, it is my belief that people who are not famous can already be happy. I’m an example! I am nowhere close to achieving fame, and I keep my spirits because I’m happy just the way I am. It is possible fame can bring happiness, but it is more likely that fame will bring a terrible burden upon our shoulders that -no matter how hard we try- cannot be lifted.</p>

<p>519 words = instant 11 or 12. The I believe its true seems a bit weak, so probably an 11.</p>

<p>(This is the cynical view on essay grading - ask Poseur - but its mostly accurate.)</p>

<p>If you want a slightly more serious look, I think its an 11 as well. Good thesis, though I believe really is a tad weak. You used the examples well, but one from history (not 20th century), could have helped. The conclusion was good, although the sentence including you seemed a bit forced.</p>

<p>This is at least a 10. :]</p>

<p>11-yea, if youre lucky higher (=12)
:)</p>

<p>This actually got a 10. </p>

<p>Personally I thought it deserved lower since it gives inaccurate information about the Great Gatsby and uses Britney Spears as its final example. The examples were not very persuasive. Plus the opening wasn't very strong either.</p>

<p>btw: this isn't my essay it's my little sister's in 7th grade. She didn't even read the Great Gatsby...</p>

<p>7th grade? She must be very bright. In 7th grade i still had trouble tying my shoe laces.</p>

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it gives inaccurate information about the Great Gatsby

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<p>No kidding. His fame is the reason for his death? This makes me feel better about the liberties I took with the truth in my own essay.</p>