Grade my Essay?

<p>I use the average grades for this to calculate my score on practice exams. Anywho, (typing the original, mistakes and all...)</p>

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Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame or power? Plan and write an essay....

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<pre><code>Despite the countless counterexamples provided in history, money, fame and power are more powerful motivators. Examining literature and modern culture, including a situation I witnessed in my home state, it is clear conscience was not a motivator.

In The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, money and fame drives architect Peter Keating. He is consistently concerned with his public image. He promises to marry his high school sweet heart. However, to look better in public and to help advance his career, Keating marries his bosses daughter, Dominique Francon. In moving further in his career, he is making more money. Furthermore to the public, he is known for who he has married and the well known architectural firm. He clearly didn't listen to his conscience, otherwise he would have married a different woman. Looking into modern culture, money is a clear driving factor.
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<p>Compared to Chinese youth under Mao Zedong, today's generation of twenty-somethings are different. They are associated with designer clothes, extravegant parties and high paying jobs to supplement the lifestyle. Chinese youth are wealthier than ever, and continue to work harder for more money. Starbucks? Gucci? You bet they have it. The majority of luxury good profits come from the nouveau riche of Asia. Power can be seen as a driving force in the United States aswell.</p>

<p>In New York, there has been a controversy over the state senate. There was a coup d'etat and the Republicans allegedly took the majority after democrats switched positions. Instead of trying to work the issue out, the politicians tax dollars and turned the capitol into a circus. All over who had the majority and power in the senate. Their consciences didn't kick in, even though they wasted my money.</p>

<p>Power, Money and dame are driving forces. While history might provide a few counterexamples, one can clearly see through the New York State Senate that power is a stronger motivator. Ayn Rand writes of a man hungry for fame, and those in our generation as seen in China, love their money.</p>

<p>1) try not to repeat the same phrases as in the prompt (i.e. “money, fame, power”), always use different words in your intro paragraph
2) you mentioned history providing many counterexamples but you didn’t explain or specify any at all</p>

<p>perhaps you could’ve just kept money and fame to the first example and power to the last example, eliminating the middle paragraph and just talking more in-depth about the first and third. I felt like because you tried to squeeze 3 examples in your essay i just got a glimpse into each paragraph. overall, it was still quite good and i’d give it a 9 or 10.</p>

<p>I have a question. In a SAT essay, are we supposed to only pick one side of the argument or two? Because including counterexamples would be supporting two sides…</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

<p>—Bump—</p>

<p>Only pick one!! That’s something very very important to remember if you want a good score</p>