Grade my FIRST Essay after the guides!

<p>Ah i know the intro is very weak. I was just too rushed. :(</p>

<p>Prompt: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of the authority?</p>

<p>Authorities are often more powerful and considered to be more knowledgeable. However, in order to progress, it is vital to question the authorities because the authorities are not always right. Several examples from historical events and my personal experience clearly demonstrates that questioning the authorities often brings prominent development.</p>

<p>Franklin D. Roosevelt, the 32nd president of the United States, was inaugurated in 1933 during the Great Depression. the presidents prior to FDR followed the economic policy of Adam Smith, who advocated laissez-faire and no government intervention in economy. The traditional economic policy had been working until the Great Depression, but failed to heal the economy until FDR proposed his new economic policy, which derived from Keynes' General Policy. FDR started getting the government involved in economy by creating numerous programs to ameliorate the economic crisis, such as the PWA, Public Work Administration, and WPA, Work Progress Administration. The new policy succeeded in providing jobs for millions of people and expediting the healing of the economy. thus, the FDR's revolutionary policy, which resulted from questioning the old economic policy, produced a great success.</p>

<p>When i entered the 7th grade, two jocks, Josh and Clint, started extorting money from me. The two jocks, who were older than i, continuously called me up after school. This robbery continued for three months. in those three months, i lost all of my weekly allowances, had to lie to my parents for money, and lost confidence and interest in school. i dreaded the two jocks, whom all of my friends feared. One day, on the third month of habitual robbery, i decided to stand against them. although i had acquiesced for the last three months, i couldn't stand it anymore. The next day after school, i confronted them as usual. They asked for money, but i served them a punch instead. Although they were overpowering, i tenaciously fought them until i couldn't even stand up anymore. the result was victorious, however. the two jocks stopped showing up to the place where they used to call me up. thus, i gained pride, audacity, and confidence by standing up against the two jocks' decisions.</p>

<p>The two examples clearly delineate the importance of questioning the authority's ideas and decisions. by questioning the authorities, FDR is remembered to be one of the most influential president in the U.S., and i gained numerous characteristics that eventually developed my identity.</p>

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<p>Now that i re-read it, i see that it is pretty terrible.</p>

<p>Please honestly grade my essay for me and provide me with some useful tips and advices!
THANKS!!!</p>

<p>How is the length? i wrote this on a loose-leaf paper and it took up a page and a half. since the lines are closer together than the ones that are given at the testing, it should fill up the whole two pages right?</p>

<p>bump!!! please help!!!</p>

<p>Bump!!!</p>

<p>Less than a 10 in my books.</p>

<p>Very poor examples.</p>

<p>You are right when you say your introduction lacks. it starts out fine, then ends horribly.</p>

<p>The first body paragraph uses an example that you needed to stretch to meet this prompt, and you spent more time describing to us the social studies background of it instead of tying it to the prompt.</p>

<p>The second body paragraph uses a very bad example. Bullies are not authority figures, they are just bullies. That paragraph really just ruins your essay with an example does not fit the prompt and simply turns off the reader.</p>

<p>And of course since your conclusion reiterates/summarizes your essay, it wasn’t all that great as well. No offense but it is a bad essay due to the fact you made a poor choice in examples. Your writing style and grammar is fine though. No need to be nit picky about that.</p>

<p>If these are poor examples, them what would be good examples?</p>

<p>For questioning authority, you can easily talk about the American/French/Bolshevik Revolutions. Those would be prime.</p>

<p>For literary works, I suggest reading the George Orwell books “Animal Farm” and “1984” both great satrical books about questioning authority.</p>

<p>Id give a solid 8</p>

<p>Any other comments on vocal or sentence structure?</p>

<p>Actually nevermind. I really appreciate all the help!!! I’ll try reading animal farm!</p>

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<p>There are no ifs about it.</p>

<p>Instead of just criticizing, why don’t you give me some advices?
I would really appreciate it.
What would be some of the good examples?</p>

<p>I’m not an expert in writing essays, but I believe I can see an essays quality relative to a 10 (the writing score the vast amount of CCers hope to attain).</p>

<p>DHS just another piece of advice. Buy a History timeline/book. You just need to vaguely read over all the important events, everything from like mongols to age of exploration, and cuban missile crisis, etc. I personally found that history helps me a lot with finding good examples.</p>

<p>Good luck !</p>