Grade my first essay

<p>I admit I may have bent the prompt a little in my essay...</p>

<p>Prompt: Should people take more responsibility for solving their problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>

<p>Many people in our world today dissociate themselves from the government because they believe that it is solely the government's job to take care of all of the problems in this world. However, this mindset cannot be farther from the truth. Without the input and aid of the people, little can be accomplished for the benefit of the population, as witnessed in both 1984 and the birth of our nation.</p>

<p>1984, written by George Orwell, offers a bleak outlook of the future if power had fallen into the wrong hands. It depicts the story of Winston Smith, an oppressed man in his 30's who yearns to break free from the tyrannical grip of the omni-present "Big Brother." The masses of people in Oceania, derogatorily referred to as the proles, took no action to better their living conditions. Many made a lifestyle out of memorizing and predicting lottery numbers, which was really just a ploy to keep the proles occupied. All the power was concentrated in the hands of the inner and outer party members, most of whom obediently worked from the government. Winston realizes and keep repeating that the "hope lies in the proles," the derelict masses. If they took the initiative to fight for what they believed in, the masses of people could have easily toppled the government and built a more productive one. In fact, "Big Brother" probably realized this, which is why he left no way for the proles to be educated; they were the ultimate weapon.</p>

<p>The birth of out nation also reflects the noble proposal that men and women should take more responsibility. People usually think of learned politicians when they look at the government, but a quick glance into the mid-eighteenth century truly shows how this government was built "by the people and for the people." Ordinary men and women, no different from the common man today in regard to social status, fought against the oppressive taxes unjustly levied upon them by King George III. From the radical men dressed up as Indians in the Boston Tea party to the Daughters of Liberty doing what they could to boycott English goods, average people were the ones who ultimately fought to end the mistreatment they were facing. They did not need aristocrats, but an innate sense of what is just to guide their actions. Without the backing of the common man, our forefathers could have never forged such a beautiful nation.</p>

<p>Both the potential power of the suppressed proles and the fury of the common American colonist in the mid 18th century illustrate how powerful the average person is with regard to the government. It is their desires and wishes that should and will guide the actions of every governing body.</p>

<p>Bump…</p>

<p>i would give it a 4.5…while your have several good examples and good vocab. i had some problems with the tone and at some instances, grammar…but other than that its a good one…keep it up</p>