Grade my last practice essay before my first sat

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>There is, of course, no legitimate branch of science that enables us to predict the future accurately. Yet the degree of change in the world is so overwhelming and so promising that the future, I believe, is far brighter than anyone has contemplated since the end of the Second World War.</p>

<p>Question:
Is the world changing for the better?
Essay:
The world we live in has gone through drastic changes. Every thing upon us is improving and developing. The changes the world has gone through reveal to us that the world is certainly changing for the better.</p>

<p>For example, technology has played a significant role in making excruciating task more pleasurable to do. The new inventions help society keep up with the fast paced work being done in today's industry. Technology not only simplifies task but also provides many jobs. Some might argue that machines have taken over a lot of people's jobs, but what we see around the world contradicts that statement. Te world today is so beneficial that one doesn't have to go through the overwhelming task to get food, shelter, and clothing. Without the recent innovations of technology, the world would struggle to supply the demands of the people.</p>

<p>In another situation, the development of societies have gone through extreme changes. In today's world there isn't as much chaos as there was before the World War Two. Today people have developed an almost impeccable society where there isn't any sex, race, and culture discrimination. Today's society now treats everyone equal, thus preventing the chaos, anarchy, and discrimination that occurred in the past.</p>

<p>Although many would say the world we live in spoils us, it certainly is changing for the better. Looking back at the past, and reflecting upon all the changes the world has gone through, one would have a hard time contradicting that the world is getting worse. From the changes in technology that offer people opportunities to the developing of a society that creates harmony amongst the people, the world has and is changing for the better.</p>

2

<p>bump bump bump</p>

3

<p>rebumping…</p>

4

<p>

</p>

<p>How about, “everything around us”…?</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>The “overwhelming task of getting food”?</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Change to either “today’s society treats everyone equally” or “in today’s society, everyone is treated as equals”. </p>

<p>etc. </p>

<p>It’s pretty good except for the small grammar and idiom errors here and there. I loved your intro and especially your conclusion, but I think you can spend more time to better develop the examples and use fewer sentences for the conclusion. The second example seems more like a reiteration of the first one rather than something new----instead of stating generalizations over and over again (ex: today’s society is better, today’s society treats everyone equally, there is no race or cultural discrimination…), try to insert details and references. Can you think of an instance in your life, a historical event, anything that convinced you that society treats everyone equally? Be specific with the “technology” that simplifies tasks and create jobs. What are they? What are the jobs? You get the idea.</p>

<p>(Good luck on your SAT!)</p>

5

<p>@xrCal thanks for the advice! i will surely take that advice with me during the sat. Haha and yeah my writing sucks so bad its sounds like im not a native speaker. So i should be more specific and less generalizing right? so a 7-8/12?</p>

6

<p>yes a 8/12 I would say, or if ur really lucky u may get 9 for an essay like this</p>