Grade my March essay!

<p>Hello,
I don't want to talk about this essay, so that I won't influence a grade, but I would really like to know how I could have done better- I felt pretty good about it after writing it, and I had about 8 minutes left once I finished.</p>

<p>Here's the prompt:</p>

<p>Mistakes we have made in the past are supposed to make us wiser, stronger, and better able to deal with the future. This approach suggests that we should continue to focus on our mistakes, that we should remember them, no matter how painful or embarrassing to us they may be. But nothing is to be gained by concerning ourselves with old mistakes. We should forget them as soon as possible.</p>

<p>Is it best to forget about past mistakes as soon as possible? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>First page: <a href="http://i.imgur.com/djNeu.jpg%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://i.imgur.com/djNeu.jpg&lt;/a>
Second page: <a href="http://i.imgur.com/v522O.jpg%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://i.imgur.com/v522O.jpg&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

<ol>
<li>Syntax needs a bit more variety. Majority of sentences are too simple. More analysis to fill both pages.
I see you’ve read 12 essay in 10 days. :)</li>
</ol>