Grade my ( Rather sucky ) essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>Can somebody please grade my SUCKY essay...just say straight up what it deseves.. i know for sure that its not gonna get more then an 8 (probably not even a 6) ..but like no flaming this is my first essay and i rather suck at writing essays...
This was the question
*Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>We often hear that we can learn much about someone or something just by casual observation. We are not required to look beneath the surface or to question how something seems. In fact, we are urged to trust our impressions, often our first impressions, of how a person or a situation seems to be. Yet appearances can be misleading. What “seems” isn’t always what is.</p>

<p>Is the way something seems to be not always the same as it actually is? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
*
and theres my essay</p>

<p>What "Seems" isnt always what is, that is a statement that needs to be implemented in our present day world, as most people usually put into mind that "What Seems IS What IS". </p>

<p>The concept of "First Impression" is quite a wrong one indeed, as you might encounter a person at a moment of anger, Perhaps even his FIRST ever moment of anger, then you 'assume' that the person is an angry, agressive person, even though he might be a calm,peaceful person but how would YOU know, you never saw him any other time, you just met him, and jumped to assumptions, why is that? its because you think that first impression is THE Impression. </p>

<p>First impressions arent only limited to small situations like the one mentioned above, in fact, the first impression of King Andrew G. Phlips Was one of the main factors that caused him to lose the war, when he asked for a "Calm, Self controled man" to lead his armyies into a battle (that would require great self-control) people told him about a certain man - Johnson J.- and about how calm he is, Andrew was quite impressed when he first heard about the man.
The enemy king heard about this from one of his spys and decided to act fast before the man could become leader of the armies, he told his spy to make the man look bad infront of King Philip, the spy had an idea.
The Spy went to King Philip (the spy was one of Philp's men that had betrayed him but Philip didnt know) and told him that the man had a very short temper and wasnt quite self controled and that what he heard was rumors.
Then the spy went and attempted aggrevate the Man for a LONG time, the man didnt get angry for a while, then finally when the man was talking with the king, the spy atemmpted one last time, and then the man finally got angry and punched the spy, the king saw this and he assumed that the man really WAS an angry person-not knowing what he had went through- so he didnt give him the position, then when the enemy king heard of this he told the Man to come and command his armies, the man decided to do it , and he really did prove to be one of the most self controled generals that he won the war against his Ex-King, King Philip. </p>

<p>After Reading all of that us humans should know better then to jump to assumptions and we should always meticulously investigate a person before attempting to find out his personality. </p>

<p>do u guys think that the king philip example sort of sucks..or rather it DOES suck...should i cut it out for sometihng else?</p>

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<p>well I dunno if that's actually how you write em or if it just came out that way b/c you typed it</p>

<p>There are a lot of run on sentences that will screw your grade over quick.</p>

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<p>it prob came out because i typed it as i just typed it without actually writing a paper copy.....but like..i dont get it wat do u mean by 'run over' sentences..like what?..can u give me an example please</p>

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<p>First impressions arent only limited to small situations like the one mentioned above, in fact, the first impression of King Andrew G. Phlips Was one of the main factors that caused him to lose the war, when he asked for a "Calm, Self controled man" to lead his armyies into a battle (that would require great self-control) people told him about a certain man - Johnson J.- and about how calm he is, Andrew was quite impressed when he first heard about the man. </p>

<p>I couldn't find a period or anything...that is definitely a run-on sentence...too many thoughts without structure.</p>

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<p>What "seems" isn't always what is--that is a statement that needs to be implemented in our present day world, as most people usually put into mind that "What seems is what is". </p>

<p>The concept of "First Impression" is quite a wrong one indeed, as you might encounter a person at a moment of anger--perhaps even his first ever moment of anger--and assume that the person is an angry, aggressive person, even though he might be a calm, peaceful person. But how logical is it to suddenly jump to an abrupt assumption when you've never seen him at any other time? You mistakenly think that first impression is the impression--the entire essence of a person. </p>

<p>First impressions aren't only limited to small situations like the one mentioned above. In fact, the first impression of King Andrew G. Philips was one of the main factors that caused him to lose the war. When he asked for a "calm, self-controlled man" to lead his armies into battle which required great self-control, people told him about a certain man - Johnson J.- and about how calm he was. Andrew was quite impressed when he first heard about the man.
The enemy king heard about this from one of his spies and decided to act fast before the man could become the leader of the armies. He told his spy to make the man look bad infront of King Philip, and the spy had an idea.
The spy went to King Philip and told him that what he heard were merely rumors--the man had a very short temper and wasn't quite self-controlled.
Then the spy went and attempted aggravate the man for a long time. The man didn't get angry for awhile, and the spy waited until the man spoke with the king. The spy atemmpted one last time, and then the man finally got angry and punched the spy. When the king saw this he assumed that the man really was an angry person-not knowing what he had went through- so he didn't give him the position. Thereafter, the enemy king heard of this and he told the man to come and command his armies. The man decided to do it and he really did prove to be one of the most self-controlled generals. He was so adept that he won the war against his Ex-King, King Philip. </p>

<p>After reading all of that us humans should know better than to jump to assumptions. We should always meticulously investigate a person before attempting to find out his personality. </p>

<p>***I edited some of it. It had lots of grammatical errors. I think you should work on rephrasing your sentences and grammar. But I like the idea--kudos for that. :)</p>

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<p>yea i knew it ...thats why i said that this part is worth removing (abt the philip dood) but overall would u give it more then like a 5/12???</p>

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<p>lmao yes it's probably an 8-10 essay you never really know with these standardized test essay graders. you've got to be quite bad to get a 5.</p>

<p>Collegeboard.com has a service where it grades your essays, but it's $$$$$.</p>

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<p>Oh yeah, and I would suggest that you actually somewhat analyze the story of the King, not just tell it in your words. Like after you stated the King's mistake, you should clearly state something like: "Due to his prejudice of what the man seemed to be, he lost not only a great potential general but also an entire bloody war." Or something like that.</p>

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<p>And the conclusion could use polishing. Try to fling out a sentence that will "stick" to the memory of the reader. Maybe something like: "Life only gives us a few opportunities to judge each winking chance, so we must judge well and not let good choices slip past our eyes, for in the end, a erroneous choice built on the foundations of prejudice will come back and wound us with scars of remorse."</p>

<p>Hope this helps. :)</p>

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<p>And of course realize that on the real SAT, you will barely have enough time to write down A conclusion, much less a good one, so practice writing like you are doing.</p>

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<p>kool thx guys ..i thought my essay sucked Ballz..btw i DO have the essay grading thingie..but like..it said it was unable to grade my essay for some reason....dunno....i thought i horribly sucked...but uh is the King philip example even right?..is that the kind of thing they want to see on the test (obviously its all bs) ..and yea i know what u mean Chtonicx i DID need to anazyle ..so thx/.but if i added anylze is it a good example?</p>

<p>EDIT: The above two posts were posted when i was typing lol</p>

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<p>I think it's a great example. However, it could use rephrasing. And I don't think one example is adequate to prove your point. Perhaps try to mush in another example, i.e. a personal example. Just BS if you can't think of anything. :)</p>

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<p>oh kool..i was gonna put a BS personal example but some guy before told me that personal examples arent such a good idea..but like maybe he was wrong..lol..anyways thx alot..btw..what would u give it?</p>

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<p>And yes, I agree with brand_182. There's the time limit to look out for. So if you're not doing well with time, screw the fancy stuff and just get to it.
However, if you can think of fancy schmancy stuff as fast as bacteria multiply, go for it! (that was, of course, exaggeration)</p>

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<p>Oh, well I disagree with that guy because I got a 10 on the essay (practice) and I totally BSed my personal anecdote. Furthermore, other people on this forum have gotten 12's that way. </p>

<p>I don't mean to offend you, but I'd probably give it an 8 because of the grammatical errors, the slight lack of analysis, and the fact that you only have one example. If you could just avoid the grammatical errors, it would help a lot. I see potential, so it's not the apocalypse here.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
I don't mean to offend you

[/quote]

no u didnt lol...i was expecting less (way less actually)..btw i think i did this in LESS then the time alotted...it didnt take me more then like 10-15 min or sometihng......but that was cause i was typing...so i could def write this kind of essay in 25 min..lol</p>

<p>well thanks alot guys..i guess i ll go do more practice or something..lol...</p>

<p>BTW : What does a 72-74 MC and an 8 essay convert to?</p>