<p>Question: Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better?</p>
<p>Essay:
Today's world is clearly much different than it was hundreds or even thousands of years ago. Many inventions have come forth, and technology has brought about much change. While these changes often make life easier they don't necessarily make it better.</p>
<p>The automobile is a common invention that has certainly made life easier. The automobile has made life easier by making transportation much quicker. As opposed to traveling from one state to another by walking, taking weeks, one can simply ride his or her car to the state in a matter of hours. However, as easy as the automobile has made life, problems have arisen. One major problem is the damage these automobiles are doing to the environment. The atmosphere is being polluted, and many scientists warn of global warming. Al Gore's documentary "An Inconvenient Truth" highlights the detrimental effects of global warming. Another consequence of automobiles is that car accidents and plane crashes occur frequently, leading to death. Travel has been made easier, but at the expense of an invention that is polluting the environment and capable of causing death.</p>
<p>Another result of modernization has been the rise of fast food restaurants. These fast food restaurants are convenient sources of food for the modern busy man. However, these restaurants are notorious for their unhealthy food. McDonald's is constantly criticized for its food leading to obesity. In fact, these was a documentary called "Supersize Me", in which a man only consumed McDonald's food for a month. At the end of the month his weight increased, and the doctors explained that he had greatly damaged his health. Our ancestors may have had to work hard to hunt and gather food, rather than have it made quickly at a nearby fast food restaurant, but at least they got exercise, and the food was natural and not stripped of its nutrients.</p>
<p>Technology and change have made life easier but not necessarily better. Automobiles have become a cause of pollution and death, and fast food restaurants sell unhealthful food. Thus, what makes life easier does not necessarily make it better.</p>
<p>The sample essay from college board used these examples:</p>
<p>Consider, if you will, ancient Greecian Society. With hardly any of the technological or scientific advancements we have today, they were able to produce some of the greatest thinkers of all time. Socrates and Plato still influence modern philosophical thought. In addition, these men were well versed in all disciplines. They were thinkers, mathamaticians, writers, scientists, artists and much more. Examine some other great men in history. Leonardo Davinci was one of the greatest scientists and also one of the greatest artists of all time, he even invented and drew up early plans for the helicopter. These ancient men, without the technology and ease of life we have today, were able to produce some of the most prolific additions to human knowledge ever.</p>
<p>Now let us examine some men from our time. Bill Gates, while adding immensely to the pleasures and ease of mans life, did so only by forcefully destroying many fledgling companies and completely undermining our capitalistic market place. Very very few men in our time are leaders in more than one discipline. There are no scientists/artists or writer/mathamaticians. Men, while being able to more deeply delve into a discipline, are now restricted to it. I attribute this to technology. We now have a life outside of our work. A life with computers, cars, movies, and dinner with the family from across the country. Mankind can no longer devote himself to his work. He has his work life, and his home life. While a cell phone allows me to talk to anyone from anywhere, it prevents me from being alone and fully concentrating. While the internet allows me to look at websites from around the world, it prevents me from doing the work I set out to do. </p>
<p>It takes the fact that technological advancement comes with some disadvantages and says that because there are some negatives, it must make life worse, even though as a result of both examples you used the benefits to the average life far outweigh the negative consequences.</p>
<p>Then again, it seems College Board assumes the best writers write shallow, formulaic essays filled with trite examples, so you’re in good shape.</p>
<ol>
<li>You have a number of awkward sentences, your examples are about as boring as they could possibly get (i.e. they don’t demonstrate a whole lot of critical thinking), your word choice is frequently redundant, and your topic sentences are extremely weak. </li>
</ol>
<p>The sample essay’s examples have two takes on the thesis: it shows how without technology, ancient societies could still flourish as well as how with technology, society has a number of new problems. Yours only examines one of those.</p>
<p>My examples have two takes on the thesis as well. I stated that without automobiles people could walk to places, but it would take longer, and with automobiles we have pollution and car accidents. For fast food restaurants I stated that our ancestors, without fast food/technology, hunted and gathered food, getting exercise and healthy food, while with fast food restaurants people are consuming junk food.</p>
<p>Also, you say my topic sentences are weak, but look at the sample’s:</p>
<p>“Consider, if you will, ancient Greecian Society”
“Now let us examine some men from our time.”</p>
<p>Since you asked, I would give the first essay a 6/6, or a 11/12. I thougt it was well written, which is especially impressive if you had managed to complete that within the time limit. I also thought your examples were perfectly relevant, your grammar was near perfect, and that you got your point across very well.</p>
<p>-from your fellow high school-er, who admittedly may not know much about how SAT essays are graded.</p>
<p>Yamster: That’s precisely why I hate the SAT essay system, haha. Admittedly, I’m probably “grading” more harshly than the SAT graders actually would, but you never know. From what I gather, the SAT graders care more about length and such than providing a legitimate argument.</p>
<p>However, I’m referring to the fact that both your examples refer to current technologies that have both benefits and drawbacks; that’s one take on your thesis. The example essay takes perspectives from both the past and the present.</p>