Grade my SAT essay please

<p>A person does not simply "receive" his or her identity. Identity is much more than the name or features one is born with. True identity is something people must create for themselves by making choices that are significant and that require courageous commitment in the face of challenges. Identity means having ideas and values that one lives by.</p>

<p>Assignment:
Is identity something people are born with or given, or is it something people create for themselves?</p>

<p>ESSAY:</p>

<p>Each human is born with a given name and a certain genetic code which partly defines features and appearance a human will have. But identity is something much more different than just a name or alignment of chromosomes in genes, identity is what humans create for themselves with their actions and choices. Sometimes the identity is formed by the society which a human inhabits.
In the novel "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde, the process of identity formation is vividly shown. In the first chapter, author presents a young man, Dorian Gray, gifted with intellect and beauty by nature, but later in the book we observe this impeccable creature turn into a monster. Dorian Gray himself creates the identity of an immortal, prodigal man, who does not care about anything. Gray had many friends when he was just beginning his life but later he has only one left just because he wanted so. Despite being born with a noble name and perfect face, Dorian Gray ends his life with a murder and as a man who is known for spending days in opium bars gambling.
Superheroes and identity is one of the most interesting topics I ever have to discuss at weekly Comic Book Clubs meetings. Many superheroes never show their face or unveil their names, but their identity is always well-known to the masses. Batman, one of the most popular superheroes, lives a double life. In daytime he is Bruce Wayne, patron on the Gotham City but at nights, wearing his mask, he is a powerful vigilante who fights with crime. Nobody in Gotham City known who Batman really is, but everyone admires him because of his deeds and contribution to the city.
Identity is not something a human is given at birth, because humans are not products at supermarket shelves with bar codes put on them. Identity is something we have to fight for, because it is defined by what we do and not who we are.</p>

<p>anyone here to grade? :s</p>

<p>I’d say a 4 or 5.</p>

<p>The first example was stellar, the 2nd example was kind of average</p>

<p>any tips??</p>

<p>Try to stick to strictly historical and literary examples, they’re usually the strongest. I have a list of roughly 15 books with basic plot details written that I use in every essay I write</p>

<p>I don’t think your second example supports your thesis at all. It doesn’t have “meat”. Couple that with grammatical errors, I would give 4.</p>