Grade my SAT essay please?

Test Preparation
1

<p>Can you grade my SAT essay and offer some feedbacks? Thank you so much! :)</p>

<p>Prompt: </p>

<p>Are people who do not follow society's traditional paths to advancement more likely to be successful than those who do? </p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Movies, TV shows, and dramatized news media promote the successes of those who earned their triumphs in non-traditional ways, portraying defiance to the society's traditional paths as noble and brave. Although these heroes' fights against society's norms and for freedom in means for success are indeed laudable, we should not let the drama and glamour of these stories fool us into thinking that people who do not follow society's traditional paths are more likely to succeed than those who do.</p>

<p>Yes, there are many who have succeeded by carving their own paths separate from the traditional paths, by taking risks, by abandoning "guarantees" to success, and by putting their innovative ideas into action. However, we must remember that these people constitute a very small percentage of successful people. For example, Bill Gates gave up the traditional guarantee of success, an Ivy League education and diploma, to follow a non-traditional, and definitely perilous, path of starting his own business. Gates' nontraditional path indeed earned him success, but to assume that success is more likely in a non-traditional path according to Gates' success foolish. That assumption ignores the successes, in various shapes and degrees, of thousands of his fellow classmates at Harvard. In order for us to argue that following traditional paths dims one's chances at success, those who remained at Harvard should have failed in reaching their goals. However, since this is not the case, that argument is not only narrow and insufficient, but outright wrong.</p>

<p>Furthermore, it is only expected that we do not hear stories of failures of those who deviated from normal courses to success, such as those who dropped out of high school, because we expect those nonconforming people to fail. The argument that nontraditional paths lead to more successes counters both our expectations and the reality. Apart from the fantasies movies and media create for us, the chances of a high-school or college dropout earning more, or even as much, success as those who follow the traditional paths are infinitesimal. Our society automatically brands these people as "unsuccessful," and these tags follow them everywhere, blocking them from advancement, discouraging them, and eventually making them succumb to society's expectations and prejudice and to expect and accept their own failures. </p>

<p>It is dangerous to praise the nontraditional successes so highly and to deceivingly portray them as ubiquitous. Reality is harsh, and these dreamy successes are hard to find against the prejudiced, sardonic, and elitist society.</p>

2

<p>PLEASE SCORE MY ESSAY TOO
Assignment:
Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Yes people do accomplish more if they are allowed to do things in their own ways as it can help them to create their own style and comfort zone. For example worlds best search engine suceeded only when they had created their own way of making a relaible source and the great painter MF hussain who could not become sucessful until he started painting in his own style and mahatma Gandhi the man who helped india to attain freedom from the britishers</p>

<p>Google the worlds best search engine was just an odinary search engine until 1990’s but it became sucessful when the CEO of the company adapted a new idea , the company designed a system by which the number of links pertaining to certain website determined its usefulness. Because of this feature it bolstered their existing program and google became the most succesful company if google had used the same hackyneyed way of determing a websites usefulness then it wouldn’t have suceeded. This idea helped google to improve and ape the search engines.</p>

<p>MF hussain one of the worlds most renowned painter of the 20th century used to sell his paintings on the streets of mumbai in india, he used to paint what others told him to paint and due to this his techniques and style was considered prosaic but when he started painting his imagination on the sheets he became the most succesful painter of his time he did not paint other peoples imagination but started painting his own ideas what made him sucessful he created his own style. </p>

<p>MK Gandhi also known as the leader of the freedom fighter who had a major role to free india from britishers. He did not believe in violence and belligerence but he believed in “satyagraha” i.e non violence he did not adopt oppressive policies against the britishes but he freed india with the means of non cooperation which made the people of india more independent and decreased the power of the britishers. He did not adopt the same aggressive policies against the britishers but satyagraha which helped india to attain freedom against the britishers</p>

<p>if people are allowed to do any work or task in their own way then they do become more sucessful. it can bolster the persons self confidence which is the main determinant for a person to be sucessful. As it is said by Einstien “People become sucessful only if they open the doors of their imaginantion”.</p>

3

<p>OP, I would grade yours anywhere between an 8 to 10. Your first body is great, but your second needs a definite example we can follow. Your vocab, structure, etc. are all pretty great. I’m sure if you had a better example for the second body, you could get a 11-12. </p>

<p>@yashjain97 Your examples are certainly supportive, but your grammar (perhaps your typing it up) is awful. Your style is a little informal, especially at the start, and your body paragraphs have very little development. Even just a restatement of your thesis with connection to the example at the beginning of each paragraph would help tremendously. Finally, do not end your essay with a quote (unless it is the quote used in the test).</p>

<p>@MisterSomebody What would you suggest? Some of us are just using a test prep book, with no teacher help. One of the only ways left is to be peer reviewed. </p>

4

<p>@asdfgh12345‌ I’m in complete agreement with Woandering. Solid essay, but not world class because of the lack of example in the second paragraph. If time shortage was what caused this, you may try planning your essay before hand, if you haven’t already. </p>

<p>@yashjain97‌ The essay was pretty good, but you have a lot of grammar mistakes. I hope those were only there on this site and your written version isn’t like that. For an essay this short, three examples is a little overwhelming. It doesn’t allow you to really explore the prompt in detail. What I did was take one example (book, movie, news, personal experience) and analyze two different aspects of it. For example, for your prompt, I could take the movie “Apocalypse Now” and compare how Colonel Kurtz accomplishes things to how the Army wants to accomplish things: 1 movie, 2 examples.</p>

<p>Just as food for thought for you guys, remember that you are being graded by humans, humans who have to grade HUNDREDS of these essays. Both of you wrote solid essays, but there are hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions, of kids who could write essays of the same caliber. If you really want to guarantee a 12, or 11 or whatever, try to write something unique, something the grader will actually want to read instead of just feeding them more of the rest. I know that’s hard, but try to abandon your “school” style of writing and really put some voice into there.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>