<p>I will be taking the SAT for the 2nd time on March 10th. Last time, I received a 10 essay score. Here is one of my practice essays. Any constructive feedback will be greatly appreciated. I'm worried about a lack of analysis or depth, and the fact that it seemed shorter than other essays I've written. I also worry about repeating vocab/phrases. Usage, style, and evidence pointers are welcome as well. I'd like to know what my weaknesses are and how to improve in the next couple of days. Thanks.</p>
<p>Blue Book # 5
Prompt: "A mistakenly cynical view of human behavior holds that people are primarily driven by selfish motives: the desire for wealth, for power, for fame. Yet history gives us many examples of individuals who have sacrificed their own welfare for a cause or a principle that they regarded as more important than their own lives. Conscience - that powerful inner voice that tells us what is right and what is wrong - can be a more compelling force than money, power, or fame."
Is conscience more powerful than money, fame, or power?</p>
<p>My essay:</p>
<p>Conscience is a far greater factor in one's decision-making process than is money, fame, power, or any other medium of personal gain. Often times, people choose to give up opportunities to better their own lives in favor of helping others because their conscience, which helps them identify what is right and what is wrong, is telling them to do so.</p>
<p>One example of the influence conscience has over selfish desires in John Scopes, defendent in the infamous Scopes-Monkey trial. In Tennessee during the early twentieth century, lawmakers forbid the teaching of Darwinian evolution. Scopes, a science teacher, believed in the teaching of evolution, so he purposefully defied the law. This resulted in a sensational trial where Scopes, backed by the American Civil Liberties Union, argued for children's rights to scientific information. In the end, Scopes was fined and lost his job, but he also brought to light important issues, starting a lasting and influential debate. By listening to his conscience, instead of his desire for money or job security, Scopes helped instigate social change that he beleived in.</p>
<p>An equally compelling example of the power of one's conscience is Martin Luther King's role in the African American Civil Rights Movement. Martin L. King, having suffered many injustices on account of his race, fought tirelessly for legal and social change. As a result, King endangered his own safety and was jailed many times. In spite of these consequences, King continually pushed for change, eventually costing him his life. However, in his efforts to secure civil rights for all, King helped bring about lasting change. By listening to his conscience, sacrificing much along the way, Martin Luther King helped make America a more just nation.</p>
<p>Like John Scopes and Martin Luther King, countless individuals throughout history have sacrificed all that they hold dear in pursuit of righteousness. This demonstrates the significant power of conscience in human decisions, a power that outweighs all personal objectives and concerns.</p>