<p>We are new to BS. Our DS is in 9th grade at a BS. DS is young for his age (late Sept DOB), while doing well in academics, seems to be lagging socially though he is outgoing. We feel that he is a little slow to mature and be independent. At his BS many kids seem to be older (including repeats) with whom he is not able to connect socially easily. We are thinking that a gap year/repeating might help him. As options, we are thinking:</p>
<ol>
<li> Repeat 9th grade at his current BS next year (not sure if it is allowed)</li>
<li> If (1) above is not possible, go to another school for 9th grade repeat</li>
<li> Do 10th grade next year at a PS and go back to his current BS as 10th grade repeat </li>
<li> Home School next year including travel, work and return to BS for 10th grade.</li>
</ol>
<p>I notice this board has many seasoned parents with BS background. What do you recommend and what are our options? We want to hear expert opinions before we contact his current school. Thanks.</p>
<p>What does your son think? Since I also have a new 9th grader (though he’s average age, neither old or young), if I were in your shoes I think my first strategy would be to wait until DS returns from school, try to talk to him about the big picture of the fall, what he likes about boarding in general, his school in particular, HOW MANY kids he feels connected to (our son is also slowly making his way with this, but has enough friends to tell us repeatedly he’s very comfortable), etc…I realize not all boys are very forthcoming about what’s going on with them, but that’s still where I’d want to start, so that whichever alternative you end up pursuing, he feels like he’s the one driving (or at least co-piloting) the process.</p>
<p>I’m not certain what you mean by “lagging socially.” I wouldn’t expect a freshmen boy in any high school to have a girlfriend. Some do, but I think it’s the exception, not the rule.</p>
<p>If he’s doing well academically, and is happy in his grade, I’d suggest you not push him to repeat. Boys change so rapidly. Within 60 days, the magic of puberty can transform a kid into a young man. We’re almost halfway through the year. Next year, he’ll be a sophomore (if he doesn’t repeat.) Even if he doesn’t connect with his classmates, he may find lots of friends among the new freshmen. He doesn’t need to be a freshman to make friends who are freshmen.</p>
<p>A last issue is academic. Depending on his school’s curriculum, if he were to repeat at that school, would he run out of academic courses?</p>
<p>Our S is also young for his grade and we had originally wanted him to do a red shirt year. We were motivated by the fact that many of his classmates had already red-shirted and he had yet to catch up physically. But as we got closer to making homeschooling/red-shirting a reality several things happened. It’s a longish list but perhaps most importantly he grew six inches and was offered late admission to a school he liked. We took the risk and he is now a young and thriving freshman and we’re glad we didn’t wait. Academically, he is where we needs to be. While we couldn’t anticipate the social and physical changes and dynamics, we went with academics and the others are falling into place on their own timeline.</p>
<p>The nice thing about boarding school is that it’s much less segregated that day school–particularly if dorms aren’t segregated by grade. As Periwinkle points out, next year there will be a whole new crew of kids, many of whom might be just the right “social” age for your son. </p>
<p>For example, I have the opposite situation–a boy, on the older side of his grade (though not a repeat), whose adviser and other teachers generally describe as very mature for his age. He has some friends in his grade but seems to spend most of his time with friends who are a year or two older whom he knows well from sports. I’ve been wondering, lately, whether we should have pushed him ahead a grade, but academically, I think he too is in the right place. Since sports teams and dorms are a mix of 9th grade to pg, with kids all over the map in age in any given grade, it all seems to work out fine. So if the only trouble is social lag, I vote for giving it another year.</p>
<p>Thank you all for insightful advice. Forgot to mention DS is small physically (no growth spurt yet) and he is in advanced classes with many sophomores. So the age/physical stature gap is accentuated in most of his classes. He is doing well academically and loves his school. But he only has a few friends, though outgoing, we are guessing he may be shunned by the more mature kids for friendship. New students coming next year is something we hadnt thought about, but should definitely help. Well have a chat with him during the holidays and see what else we can find about the campus dynamics. For the time being, well wait and see how the rest of the year pans out.</p>
<p>Freshman year is the toughest. Making friends will take some time. It’s hard especially when the students compare themselves to the more outgoing students who seem to attract them easily. We had a slightly different issue - our D was a year younger than her peers starting as a sophomore. Same problems - trying to “fit” in for the first few months. We noticed that after the holidays, things started to clique in terms of acquiring solid set of buddies and not worrying about the age difference and life just settled.</p>
<p>My question about repeating is mirrored by other posts: at Boarding schools classes aren’t segregated. So repeating may not have the desired effect, especially if his current classmates will become 10th graders but he’s still a 9th grader. The friend dilemma won’t drastically change and his classes would still be with older students because he’d be taking classes based on where he is academically.</p>
<p>I do know of some students who seem to shoot up overnight. Even if he doesn’t - maybe a solution is for him to take a “gap year” after high school to give him more time before college? It’s interesting, my D who is short is now taller than her host family abroad. Taking a year through SYA (where he’d still get AP and Honors courses) might be wonderful for his sense of self. Several of SYA’s international locations don’t require a language requirement and the pool of students in each school is topped out at 60. Since everyone is new and struggling with language acquisitions, they tend to form closer bonds. It’s been a fun experience for us. Thought I’d throw it out as another option for Jr. or Sr. year if things still remain tough.</p>