Grade this essay and karma will reward you :]

<p>The SAT essay is the most dreadful part for me since I tend to brainstorm for too long, and I’m worried that I won’t have any examples to use. I was going to post the three essays I wrote so far, but then it would be pretty irritating to read such an amount of text. Even I would refuse to read three essays and just go to another thread instead ><em>< So here’s an essay that basically follows the standard SAT essay template. It’s probably the best one of the bunch. I’ve never had anyone read my essays, so I would really appreciate any feedback. Thank you! ^</em>____^</p>

<p>Prompt: Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power?</p>

<p>Conscience is a more powerful motivator than fame, money, or power. To go against conscience is a dangerous thing, for the mere idea of being haunted by one’s own sin is a fearsome and painful prospect. Throughout literature, one can see several instances where characters those to be ultimately guided by their conscience.</p>

<p>In The Crucible by Arthur Miller, conscience plays a major role in the final act of the play. John Proctor finds himself torn between lying that he’s a witch in order to save his life or remaining silent to keep his integrity. After a mental struggle, John decides to “confess” that he’s a witch. At the final moment, however, he rescinds his confession and tears it, condemning himself to death by hanging. John realized that he would not be able to live with himself if he went along with the confession. Lying, although it would’ve saved his life, was simply not right especially when it meant that he would have to go along with the hysteria that seized Salem. In the end, conscience was a stronger motivator than the chance to live.</p>

<p>Besides in the minds of hardened adults, conscience prevails in the minds of adolescents as well. In The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain, Huck sometimes struggles with his conscience as he travels along the Mississippi River. One foggy night, Jim and Huck get separated. After a while, Huck manages to find Jim asleep on the raft. He decides to have some fun and tries to trick Jim into thinking that the whole affair was a dream. However, Jim realizes the truth and is deeply hurt that Huck a fool out of him after he had him worried so much. Huck feels bad for his actions and brings himself to apologize to Jim. Even though this apology may not look like much, one has to realize that Huck was brought up in a society where white people are superior to slaves. It required a powerful force, conscience, to make Huck humble himself to Jim.</p>

<p>In The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, a young reverend is in a constant battle against his conscience for having succumbed to lust and committed adultery. Throughout the novel, one can see the effects of conscience on Dimmesdale in his ever worsening health and self torture. His situation is exacerbated by the gush of praise he receives from the townspeople, who see him as pious and holy. Dimmesdale knows better though and is always reminded of his sin. By the end of the novel, Dimmesdale acknowledges that he must confess to everyone and cease living a hypocritical life. Rejecting the townspeople’s praise, Dimmesdale confesses upon the scaffold in front of the whole town and is able to die with a clear conscience.</p>

<p>As one can see by these literary examples, conscience is indeed the greater motivator. Fame, money, and power may provide temporary satisfaction, but conscience is always urging man to do what’s right. How can one truly be at peace knowing full well of a past crime that one committed? People tend to regret the wrongs they’ve done, and sooner or later, follow conscience to finally be at peace.</p>

<p>I don’t know if only I feel this way, but your examples seem to be disjointed, a possible trouble creating a slightly unnatural effect on your essay. </p>

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<p>Do you need every word in “As one can see by these literary examples?”</p>

<p>This essay sucks. I give it a 3.</p>

<p>@ benhpark: I know what you mean. It basically just jumps from one book to another. I tend to make things wordy when I’m running out of time so that I’ll be able to fill as much as I can. Thank you for the feedback! </p>

<p>@copyxmkii: OTL I thought an essay that long would get a 4 D: sadness. I must practice more. <em>is determined</em></p>

<p>Would expect this to score 8 (7 if harsh). Try to limit yourself to two strong examples with analysis instead of spending 4-5 lines telling the story before drawing a one-line conclusion.</p>

<p>I also noticed you didn’t exactly answer the prompt, you stepped nicely around specifically comparing the motivating forces of conscience and money/fame/power. Not sure if this is too much of a worry though…</p>

<p>^^^ Please refrain from posting destructive critique.</p>

<p>OP:
I shun books for my essay because my essay veers off to become a book report, an unfortunate result of my tendency to write the plot summaries.</p>

<p>try the collegeboard official online course, it gives you an auto grade when you write the essay.</p>

<p>Try not to only use books in your essay. I did my essay on historical facts, science, and a literary book and got an 11. I’m not sure if it were the examples that got me that score, though. Your essay is not bad, you just need to find “better” examples I may say… Maybe even rhetorical devices? It all depends, but try to be original and see the prompt from another direction. The best part about writing is that there is never a “wrong” answer. It just depends on how you interpretated the prompt.</p>

<p>Thank you for all the advice! Even though I always do really well on the MC part of the Writing section, the essay always brings my score down. I’ll have to spend some time collecting examples instead of just relying on books. Thanks again n_n</p>