grade this from 1-6 ? (I used a rather provacative introduction...)

Test Preparation
1

<p>I hope i don't get in trouble... but I wanted a hook to shock, and interest the AP graders. I don't think it's the best essay. but meh.</p>

<p>Prompt: Is change good? or should we stick to tradition? (i paraphrased it.. i can't find the actual prompt atm.) </p>

<p>-> I wake up in the morning and I make sure to bow down to Hitler. I'm happy, meaning everyone's happy. No, now i'm sad, making everyone sad. We make sure our world is equal through communism. We ensure happiness by staying the same all the time. Change is harmful. I avoid. We avoid.
->Is your nightmare over yet? If there's no slight change once? If there's no slight change once in awhile, we stay the same humdrum self with no unique traits; no change. We need change to learn new lessons; and break out from a shell.
-> For example, women change their home tradition, clothes, and innocent talk throughout the centuries. During the roaring twenties, women rebels like crazy. Back then, a woman considered a hoar for showing skin after the knee. During the roaring twenties, woman sore skirts showing theri thighs and legs. Back then, a woman should stay home taking care of the kids. During the roaring twenties, women filled in car, bomb, and men jobs. Back then a women were only permitted to dance gracefully. During the roaring twenties, women danced the Charleston smacking the traditions. Back then women weren't allowed to vote. Apparantly one woman proved men wrong, and the government made the Amendment which granted woman's right.
-> Another example is how Africans were treated. The Jim Crow Laws told them to segregate bathrooms, buses, and other recreational center. They were lynced. They were disrespected. Imagine if we kept a tradition like that? If tradition didn't change a bit, we would have Africans as slaves, discriminations against races inferior to us, murders of Africans.
-> We need change once in awhile. If there's no change, we would stay the same centuries ago. We would still live in caves because we haven't changed the housing system. We would never be able to learn from our lessons, and make our world a better place.</p>

2

<p>That’s a mess, and your intro isn’t “provocative,” it’s just bad–do you actually think Hitler was a Communist? Do you actually think Communism has anything to do with people feeling the same emotions? Do you have any idea how semicolons are used?</p>

3

<p>…LOL challenge accepted ;D</p>

<p>Thanks for taking your time to read it. I appreciate the honesty and critiques. (: </p>

<p>I’ll do whatever it takes to improve. :3</p>

4

<p>2/3</p>

<p>Besides the fact that its not historically accurate (at all) or logical, you have rough transitions and grammatical errors.</p>

<p>I think your closing paragraph is better suited as your intro. Maybe add a few specific details and you should be set.</p>

<p>If this is an SAT essay, I’d recommend you either brush up on your history or use different examples. On an ACT essay its not such a big deal if your historical evidence isn’t really evidence.</p>

5

<p>Okay thanks :slight_smile: yah i found the guide on here “how to write a 12 essay in 10 days” and i’m going to use that as a guide.</p>

<p>And i’m going to find 25 good historical examples to help me out.</p>

6

<p>would anyone mind grading this too? i don’t wana repost… and plus… no one goes on this forum i heard ; o ;.</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/english/1328172-style-analysis-synthesis-essays-grade-grade-1-9-a.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/english/1328172-style-analysis-synthesis-essays-grade-grade-1-9-a.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;