Grade

<p>Sorry my thread title is a demand... I accidentally pressed enter.</p>

<p>Given the importance of human creativity, one would think it should have a high priority among
our concerns. But if we look at the reality, we see a different picture. Basic scientific research is
minimized in favor of immediate practical applications. The arts are increasingly seen as
dispensable luxuries. Yet as competition heats up around the globe, exactly the opposite strategy
is needed. </p>

<p>Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today? </p>

<p>The modern world is becoming more and more commercialized. This commercialization is telling all of us to buy the same clothing and the same cars, and is telling us to strive to accomplish the same things; namely a particular kind of professional success, wealth, and attractiveness. Because the world around us is telling us all to do similar things, if we do what everyone else is doing, we will all become the same, and our society will become one of uniformity and no individualism. An example of such a society exists in George Orwell’s 1984. In order to avoid this sort of society we must exhibit creativity. </p>

<pre><code>In 1984, Orwell tells the story of a people who have all aspects of their lives controlled by their totalitarian government. This government tells them what to believe and how they should act, and, because it is all they know, the people follow the government. Eventually, everyone is following the government, and the entire population consists of people who are near clones of one another, as the government is telling each of them the same thing. Because nobody steps up and tries to live an alternative lifestyle, or tries to challenge the oppressive government, the society continues spiraling into uniformity until it is so engrained in the society that nobody even considers living unlike everyone else.

In our world, then, creativity and individuality are necessary to avoid the tragic loss of diversity of our people. If we allow ourselves to follow everyone else and not exhibit any of our own, inherent creativity, we are vulnerable to be bent and molded by what we see around us. And once we have been molded to fit into societal expectations, we are no longer a society of creative individuals, but more accurately a society of mindless robots.
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<p>Any kind of feedback is appreciated.</p>

<p>You need more examples. Just one example from a fictional story isn’t enough. A factual example would help a lot.</p>

<p>Also, (and idk if the reader would care about this or not) you don’t really say why it would be bad to be mindless robots. The reason I say this is that someone could say “What’s wrong with not having individualism…? We might actually be more productive.” And it’s very good in a argumentative essay to disprove the opposing arguments before they’re presented, instead of letting the reader ask questions you’re not there to answer.</p>

<p>Other minor things could be tweaked, but you should probably work on more support for your thesis.</p>