So here’s my story…For whatever reason I’ve never been able to form a friendship, just fleeting acquaintances that come and go. All through elementary, middle, and high school I never had any friends. I just never figured out how to cross that threshold from acquaintance to friend. After high school I attended community college for 4 years and again, never made any friends, even though I was part of 2 on campus organizations. Then I transferred to CSUN, I’ve been there for 2 years and am graduating at the end of this year. Every semester I’ve been taking 15 units and cannot fit any extra activities into my schedule, especially since I commute from Orange County. I’m so lost on how to make friends here at CSUN, I feel so disconnected from the university. I can’t believe I’ve spent a total of 6 years in college without 1 friend to show for it. Outside of school I do belong to a fitness program, but I’ve never met anyone there either. I’ve noticed a frustrating trend each semester in my classes, the first day of class no one knows each other but 3 weeks in everyone has their group that they sit with in class, even though I never saw these people connecting during class. I just don’t get it. I’m so good at fading into the background, I hate it. I just want a few quality people in my life, but am so lost on how to go about it. In high school I had acquaintances, but now I don’t even have that. I literally talk to no one, my days are ridiculously lonely and it’s made me pretty depressed. I have no one to hang out with, talk to, laugh with, etc. Any ideas on how I can make friends before I graduate and it’s truly too late?
It’s never too late. Once you graduate and find a job, you might live somewhere else and will need to get to know people all over again. Be approachable and try to make plans with coworkers, maybe join a church, a book club.
Does the school have a counsling service? If so, make an appointment. Any chance you might be mildly Asperger’s?
No, I’ve had a psych evaulation/intake before and my only diagnoses are anxiety and for the past 2 years, depression as well.
Have you considered participating in service-related events, like joining Circle K? Some students meet their friends in faith-based activities as churches nearby college campuses often have lots of activities for students.
I’m not religious, there have been times where I’ve felt so lonely that I started to consider becoming religious because I know churches offer a lot of opportunities to get to know others, but that’s just not who I am.
You’ve had a psych eval, but have you been in therapy? A good psychotherapist can help you sort this out.
I’d suggest a social anxiety/social phobia therapy group plus meds if prescribed.
I’ve seen a couple different therapists in the past 6 years, ranging from talk therapy to CBT, but nothing has helped, not even anti-depressants.
Hey! I also attend csun (junior year) and if you want you can join my friend group, we are all very friendly and nice and I know exactly how you feel because that’s how I felt freshman year, if you would like to chat, send me a message.
The pervious posts have given you wonderful advice. I just want to say hang in there and please know there is nothing wrong with you. Everyone blossoms at different points in their life and I am certain your friends are out there.
I just want to second attending a church. It is JMHO, but protestant churches tend to be very social. I have attended a Methodist Church in the north my entire life and ours is a very friendly, open, warm and inclusive congregation. I have watched so many people be taken under their wing and included by members of our congregation. They have coffees, church suppers, social evenings etc. As an aside, you can believe whatever you want spiritually (nobody asks and nobody cares and it is a “reconciling congregation” which means gays/anyone is welcome). I would suggest looking for a church like this.
The only other thing I have to add in addition to the great comments everyone else offered, is once you are living somewhere where you are able…get a dog. Dogs provide amazing emotional support and are the best friends anyone could ever have. They are also people magnets. When you go to the dog park and walk your dog people will approach you. Just be sure to choose a friendly, easy dog who is the right match for you. In the meantime you might want to volunteer at the local shelter. I think dogs are the best therapy ever.