Grammar Questions

College Essays
1

<p>I was going to ask my English teacher today about grammar in my college essay, but school was cancelled and I want to finish up my application before power could go out. I would appreciate any help!</p>

<ol>
<li>After three weeks of calculations, tests, and setbacks, I finalized the design of what ultimately became the winning rocket, which made this an extremely satisfying experience. </li>
</ol>

<p>Is this a run-on sentence?</p>

<ol>
<li>I did not have high expectations for my business, however, my experience has demonstrated the difference that hard work and commitment can make. </li>
</ol>

<p>Is this correct punctuation? If not what would be correct punctuation?</p>

<ol>
<li>Aside from the temporary benefits from working in the yard, strong muscles, tan skin, and a good wage, the most important and lasting idea I have learned from this experience is how hard work and commitment is a strong foundation for success. </li>
</ol>

<p>Or</p>

<p>Aside from the temporary benefits from working in the yard, strong muscles, tan skin, and a good wage, the most important and lasting idea I have learned from this experience is how to work hard and commit myself to something to ultimately succeed. </p>

<p>Which closing sentences sounds better?</p>

<p>Thanks Again!</p>

2

<p>Bump…</p>

3

<p>Anyone? Please?</p>

4

<p>Here are my suggestions:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>After three weeks of calculations, tests, and setbacks, I finalized the design of what ultimately became the winning rocket, making this an extremely satisfying experience.</p></li>
<li><p>I didn’t have high expectations of my business. However, my experience has proven the difference that hard work and commitment make.</p></li>
<li><p>Toiling in the yard, I acquired strong muscles, a tan, and a good wage, but most importantly, this experience taught me commitment and hard work build a strong foundation for success.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Hope this helps. Good luck!</p>