<p>Has anyone been getting pressure from the student's grandparents to choose a local university over the opposite coast private school? My son was admitted to UCD, a prestigious University to be sure, as well as a fine private Liberal Arts college in Florida on a premed track. He has chosen the Florida school which has put my mother into a complete tizzy. She feels that Davis is the holy grail and he needs to take advantage of that fact. She also feels that his future will be compromised because she says private schools take the pressure off the student and they don't develop the spine necessary to later deal with life. And of course, she doesn't want to lose her darling grandson to the east coast. The pressure she is exerting on all of us is extreme and intense. She and I attended UCB so she is biased.</p>
<p>My son likes the smaller class size, 10 to 1 ratio, the multiple weekly counseling sessions, both of which point to a better chance of a Med School Admissions GPA, not to mention the beautiful campus and the opportunity to be away from home and on his own. He has ADHD and is concerned that his ability to track at a rigorous school like Davis is in question. Since Med schools are heavily GPA focused, he thinks Davis will be too competitive to achieve the required high GPA for Med School entrance. Additionally, Davis is in our backyard, and this holds no appeal for him. As parents, we share our sons concerns and support his choice. Any thoughts on this from others suffering from Grandparent super pressure? How realistic are our concerns and hers?</p>
<p>Didn’t have any grandparent interference with our sons’ college choices. Didn’t involve grandparents in the process. Wouldn’t have paid attention to them if they had tried to exert pressure. We felt that college decision were between our kids and H and me.</p>
<p>" she says private schools take the pressure off the student and they don’t develop the spine necessary to later deal with life. "</p>
<p>I’m sure she has no data to back that up because there is no such data.</p>
<p>I attended private colleges and have taught at private and public ones. I have never seen what your mom claims is true.</p>
<p>My older S flunked out of a public college because although he was one of their top students admitted that year, he chose to party too much.</p>
<p>Younger son has been thriving at a private college where he’s academically working very hard while also working 10-14 hours a week and participating in time consuming ECs related to his major.</p>
<p>College is what a young person chooses to make of it.</p>
<p>To me, it sounds like your son is making a thoughtful decision, and as long as you can financially afford it, it would be a good idea to support his decision while politely telling your mom to back off. He shouldn’t have to stay local because Grandmom wants to see him a lot. That’s just selfishness on her part.</p>
<p>I would really ignore this grandparent. Davis is not a good choice for a pre med ADHD kid. A small college with more guidance and attention will significantly up his chaces of making it to med school. Most pre meds don’t make it.</p>
<p>As long as the family can afford the private, tell grandma that you all need to stop any pressure and let the student choose.</p>
<p>Is your younger son social? Does he enjoy spending time with friends? Does the party aspect not interest him at all? Has he always been a good student, on task, responsible, no need for micromanagement? Our son is social and as mentioned, has ADHD. His school of choice is rising in the ranks of best party school. So while he is interested in the benefits a small college has to offer, perhaps the studious nature of UCD is more in his best interests? He is not a hard partier. So where does your son fall in the description. He is thriving at his school. Is doing that well and partying also?</p>
<p>Tell Grandma to back off, the decision has been made, and that <em>you</em> agree strongly with your son that he’s made the right choice for himself. Then let her rant and rave and just ignore her comments. Hard, but if she gets you (or your son) to argue about where he should go, she’ll just keep pushing.</p>
<p>Davis actively cuts kids from all competitive majors. I think he has a way better shot at being called doctor one day if he attends the private. And there’s plenty of partying at Davis too. Yes, personal experience.</p>
<p>It seems like it is time to tell her the decision is final and that you will not allow her to undermine his decision. Time to get blunt. </p>
<p>An away experience is a wonderful opportunity to try something new in a protective and supportive environment. Perhaps he will make an effort to come home and do something local summers, at least at first. Winter breaks are long too. </p>
<p>It sounds like he made a good choice for his specific circumstances. As others have said, her prejudice is just that–no basis in fact. Not to take anything away from a great school like Davis, but LAC’s have a very strong track record for high admit rates to PhD and medical and law schools.</p>
<p>And my parents were puzzled at my daughter picking Brown over Berkeley at first, cause they had no idea what Brown was, but they knew we were the ones doing the research and they left it at that.</p>
<p>Mommalove–you will set an example to your son with the way you handle this. Grandma is certainly entitled to her opinion, but if you agree with son’s choice, you must support him. You simply can’t have her be in charge of this decision. If you have the courage, you will tell her that you’ve heard and respected her opinion but have decided on FL and you would appreciate her either supporting your all’s decision, or at a minimum, not continuing to voice dissent. If you don’t have the courage to say that, just let her keep talking and do what you and your son want.</p>
<p>Honestly this should not even be an issue! Having said that we had a similar circumstance but the grandparents wanted D to be near them in Texas (rather than Colorado where we live). Very selfish! We basically ignored it as well as the car offer and went with the best choice for D which was in Callfornia. One thing you could add is- “kids love to get care packages like cookies- I’m sending them weekly - would you like to help?”</p>
<p>Maybe he’s also feeling the pressure and needs to get a little further away from Grandma?</p>
<p>A friend of mine warned me about “people having opinions” about where your kid goes to college. You can avoid those people as much as possible, try to inform them of the thoughtfulness of your son’s choice, or tell them (however politely) that it’s none of their business. You’re in a tougher spot since this is a family member, and one who is maybe a little too involved. </p>
<p>When conversations get difficult, remember that sticking up for your son and his best interests must come first!</p>
<p>“Tell Grandma to back off” LOL. That line was so funny. I mean, it’s kinda hard to tell a grandma to back off :D</p>
<p>I agree with what has been said though. If grandma isn’t paying for him to go to school then your son needs to make the descision.</p>
<p>“private schools take the pressure off the student and they don’t develop the spine necessary to later deal with life.”</p>
<p>If your son lets his grandma make the descision then he definately won’t develop the spine necessary to deal with life. Now is a perfect time to grow a backbone.</p>
<p>We have had TONS of grandma’s input. We have asked her politely to stay out of it. She does not understand differences between a small vs. a large school, student focused vs. research focused, and does not grasp the concept of an LAC. She cannot understand why a student would choose a school in a rural location over one located in a city. Grandma has told us that we have a list of “weird schools” for our child. She says this because she has never heard of these schools. We just told her the school our son has chosen. She sees that choice “as better” than some of the other schools he applied to so she has not said much more about it to us. There was a period of time where I felt she was really knocking me over the head with her opinions about where he should go. The worst part was when she was giving her negative opinions directly to our son about schools that he was anxious to attend!! OP, you have my sympathy!</p>
<p>BTW, in our case grandma is not paying for any of it. She does love to give out lots of free advice, even when it is not asked for.</p>
<p>It’s important to make the best choices regardless of geography. Otherwise, you eliminate schools elsewhere which would be good experiences in favor of nearby schools which might not be positive experiences.</p>
<p>BTDT. My parents didn’t want me to go far away for school. Unfortunately, the four-year schools in the area (which were financially realistic) weren’t good fits. Staying local ruined my undergraduate experience. Ironically, for me, the schools near my grandparents would have been better choices.</p>
<p>Are you my doppleganger? Yes, my mother hands out loads of free advice and it is tough to deal with. We support our son in his decision and I really appreciate the input from you and others. Someone said even with the car offer, the student went elsewhere. My mom offered a trip to Italy… yikes. With the input from this site and much discussion with H, finally grew my own spine and told mom the deed is done. Yay.</p>
<p>northeastmom: lol; was that your mother or your husband’s?..my deceased mother-in-law sounds like she was separated at birth with your son’s grandma…</p>
<p>mommalove, good for you! Sounds like your family dynamics are somewhat similar to ours!</p>
<p>rodney, it is my mother. I would never have posted that way about MIL. My MIL is no longer living, but I know that she would have supported any college. She would have suggested that we do not send our child too far away from us so that we could see him more frequently, but it would have been only a suggestion (not beating me over the head relentlessly with her opinion).</p>