<p>I’m going to get flamed for this, but Google the name “George Desdunes” and start reading.</p>
<p>Cornell tries to prevent hazing (see [Hazing](<a href=“http://hazing.cornell.edu/]Hazing[/url]”>http://hazing.cornell.edu/)</a>), but the challenge the university faces is enormous because hazing is deeply embedded in the culture of at least some Greek houses.</p>
<p>Also, you need to be aware of the concept of fraternity and sorority “annexes.” Not all members of a fraternity or sorority live in the chapter’s house. Often, some live off-campus. Some of the off-campus houses in which they live become unofficial “annexes” of the Greek-letter organization. Parties and other activities that take place at these annexes do not necessarily conform to the rules that Cornell has established for events that take place in the actual chapter houses. </p>
<p>It is believed by some Cornell students that the more that Cornell tightens the rules imposed on fraternities and sororities, the more that “real” Greek life will move into the annexes, where the university has no control at all.</p>
<p>Full disclosure: I am the parent of a student who graduated from Cornell last week. She was not involved in Greek life there but, like every Cornell student, she had some awareness of the sort of things that go on in at least some corners of the Greek system.</p>
<p>I keep hoping I will bump into Consolation in real life! My S is also in a frat – the very same house as her son and I have to say that the fraternity truly is that – a collection of “brothers.” We’ve had a couple of the guys stay here as they were traveling and they were interesting and thoughtful guests. </p>
<p>I was uneasy when S went through rush (I was a sorority gal in Texas and knew the pros and cons) and I said that it was his life and his choice – that he was the one who needed to evaluate if it was a good choice for him. </p>
<p>It has been very affordable and, more importantly, extremely meaningful to him. He’s had to deal with some tough issues (how do you have a party and not get crashed by underaged guzzlers who are bent on self destruction?) - it’s also been a source of pride and a connection to the history of the school. I suspect he would say it has been the MOST important part of his college education. </p>
<p>Tell your son about your fears – but, please, also open your heart that to the possibility that perhaps he has found a group that could be lifelong friends of the best sort. Don’t be quick to shut the door on that group.</p>
<p>" Parties and other activities that take place at these annexes do not necessarily conform to the rules that Cornell has established for events that take place in the actual chapter houses."</p>
<p>No dog in the Cornell fight, but it’s not as though non Greek students who live off campus necessarily stick to tea and cucumber sandwiches for their parties either.</p>
<p>My reason for bringing up the annexes was that Cornell has some pretty strict rules about official fraternity and sorority activities – including rules designed to prevent students under the age of 21 from being served alcohol, for example. A parent who sees these rules might get the idea that Greek life is safer and more controlled than off-campus life outside of the Greek system. But it doesn’t seem to turn out that way in practice, and the annexes are one reason why.</p>
<p>I also don’t think there is anything particularly unusual about Cornell, as compared to other colleges with large Greek systems. It’s just that I think this is the college that the OP’s son is planning to attend, and it’s one that I happen to have some knowledge about. </p>
<p>I realize that for some people, fraternity or sorority membership may be the most meaningful part of their college years – and in fact, one of the most meaningful experiences of their lives. But Greek life also can have problems, and they are not necessarily things of the past (as illustrated by the death of George Desdunes earlier this year).</p>
<p>An old BF of mine was in the Acacia fraternity at Cornell (30 yrs ago). At least back then, Acacia and several other of the 40 frats were sort of known as “nerd houses”. They had parties and such, but the vibe was pretty laid back and “non Animal-House.” FWIW, my BF was an engineer, premed, and Jewish. Not the coolest frat on campus to be sure, but a nice group of guys to hang out with.</p>
<p>D1 just graduated from Cornell, so her experience is fairly recent. </p>
<p>The first 2 years of college she mostly went to mixers at fraternity houses or off campus catering facilities for formals. On weekends, she would often have 2-4 mixers to go to every night, if she wanted to. It was very rare she would go to annexes for parties because they were usually after parties. They had parties at those annexes when they weren’t allowed to have parties on campus at certain times - like orientation week. Whereas at mixers, only Greek members could be invited, parties at annexes could include family and friends.</p>
<p>I don’t think any parent, by reading a school’s web publication of rules for Greek life, would believe Greek life is safer and more controlled. But I will say from first hand experience that my daughter was safer going to some of those parties as a sorority sister. Her sorority had soberers to make sure the girls didn’t drink too much. They also made sure the fraternity who they were having mixer with had sober guys to drive them home. When D1 was a soberer at a mixer and she noticed some designated drivers that night were drinking, she called them out on it. They stopped having mixers with them for a while. </p>
<p>I was apprehensive initially when D1 decided to join her sorority, but at the end of day, it was more about D1 if she would participate in anything unsafe, not the Greek life. If D1 was irresponsible, insecure, or a follower, she would do things just to be accepted, whether she joined Greek life or not. We had a talk with D1 over freshman winter break about what we expected out of her when it came to academic and how we wanted her to be safe, we left rest of it up to her.</p>
<p>From eating clubs at Princeton to fraternities at U.Mass and different ones in between like Trinity college,Dartmouth fraternities gave me the creeps. Maybe they’re different now but Animal House was very close to reality back then!</p>
<p>^^yea, I was wondering what could possibly cost $650/month…</p>
<p>from what I can see, most sororities fall within the $500-$1000/ semester category…</p>
<p>and my daughter’s experience at Syracuse mirrors oldfort’s D at Cornell…</p>
<p>with one added benefit; alumni of her sorority are employed all over the country and have contacted the current sisters with job offerings and opportunities…my daughter ended up interviewing for her current summer job with one such alumni…</p>
<p>But you can’t hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, College Confidential - isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but I’m not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America.</p>
<p>OP, you’ve posted on the Cornell forum before so I’m guessing your son goes there. </p>
<p>go to the cornell forum and do a forum search for “fraternity” or “greek” and you will get a TON of hits relating directly to the Cornell greek scene. </p>
<p>-we have 39 frats, they are all VERY different. some are fratty sports bros, some are rich waspy kids, some are nerdy guys, some are jewish, some are dry, some haze, some don’t.<br>
-this is cornell, you have to remember that everyone there did get into cornell! the scene is thus not necessarily identical to your average state school. there is much more variation in the types of people who join greek life, and many would not have if they had gone to a different school
-joining a frat for some people is for the parties and mixers. for other people though, its just to meet people they they get along with! at least 1/3 to 1/2 of the frats at cornell don’t really mix with sororities (there are almost 40 frats and 11 sororities) instead, its just a group of guys who are into the same music/movies/games and like to hang out!
-the dues vary based on frat but typically are not excessive, my sorority dues are $400 a semester i think (this doesn’t inlcude room and board, which is only paid sophomore year, and still living in a greek house is much much cheaper than dorms and still cheaper than off campus)
-the only way to find out if its the right thing for your son is to tell him to be open to new experiences and see what he thinks. he has all of first semester to see whether its something he might want to do, and decide if he wants to rush. the during rush he has a week to go to whatever houses he wants and meet the people and see if he’d like to join. and then he has a few months of pledging to decide if he wants to be initiated! just trust him to make the right decisions for himself, only he knows what he wants!</p>
<p>LOL, Pizzagirl! My favorite monologue was when Bluto gave his famous (or infamous ;)?), “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor…?” Classic.</p>
<p>Cornell has one less fraternity now that Sigma Alpha Epsilon was closed following the hazing death of George Desdunes. George, aged 19, was tied up with duct tape. Alcohol was forced down him until he passed out. He was then left to die on a couch. No one made an effort to get medical help for him until it was too late.
His would-be “brothers” were charged with various misdemeanors. Why more serious charges were not made is open to speculation. One defendant’s attorney said his client is frustrated because he feels he did not do anything wrong. Was the perception that, within the context of this fraternity, their behavior was not that unusual? That they were also victims of the “traditions” of SAE?
Go to hazing.cornell.edu or Google “hazing” to read more. And then draw your own conclusions about the risk and benefits of the fraternity system.</p>
<p>Please, don’t judge all Greeks by that one group. S called his freshman year and wanted to know if he could have an extra $600. I was rather shocked. That’s a lot of money for us. Then he tells us he wants to take the Emergency Medical Tech course (in addition to his college classes) so he can serve on campus as a volunteer. We definitely came up with the money! I can assure you, he’d be the last person on earth to be cavalier about another person’s well being. </p>
<p>He served as president of his house last year – and worked with the campus staff and the local police on the thorny issues of that plague all colleges: how do you manage students and booze? Particularly when some of the students are of legal drinking age? He is a big, big supporter of “Good Sam” guidelines that allow any one of any age to call for medical assistance with the certainty that they “won’t get in trouble” and also “won’t get the friend in trouble”. It is a pragmatic and life saving approach – and it’s not just Greeks that are drinking. </p>
<p>I was amused (and saddened) by our local middle school parents when our rural students hit 8th grade. So many of the parents told horrible stories about the booze, sex and drugs that were on the horizon at the local, urban high school. They were terrified about the transition to high school. Well, they were “right” in that there was, indeed, booze and sex and drugs. </p>
<p>There was also a state winning debate team, an excellent football coach, a swim coach who emphasized grades and many, many other amazing teachers and teens doing outstanding things. </p>
<p>Sex, booze and drugs comes with the age – not the school or the organization.</p>
<p>Even as a concerned mother, I know better than to judge the whole system by the behavior of a few. And I know my son well enough to believe that he would steer very clear of fraternities that expected him to “jump through hoops” to be accepted, which is where I think hazing can get very dangerous – when the potential new members (pledges?) agree to do just about anything to get in, and are afraid that if they reveal anything that goes on (no matter how dangerous or otherwise concerning) they will be rejected (and that rejection is the worst possible outcome). I have another child whom I’d be concerned about getting sucked in by that type of dynamic, but not the one who is headed off to college in the fall.</p>