<p>^ In that case, is the guy interested also?</p>
<p>is this totally obvious:</p>
<p>today i was telling my boyfriend that i thought a guy i worked with was hitting on me. he stands (overly!) close & acts like everything i say is totally brilliant (it's not.). he even asked me to SPELL OUT my last name so he could facebook me.
"he keeps touching me right here," i said.
"THE SMALL OF YOUR BACK??!!!! s<strong><em>! i'm gonna *</em></strong> this guy up!"
my boy was mostly joking, but as soon as i mentioned that this guy always had his hand on my lower back, my boyfriend acted like that was the last straw haha. is that a completely obvious signal? i don't think i've ever really thought much about it before.</p>
<p>TO THE OP:
make eye contact, smile, don't look like you're having a horrible time, tease him playfully, and (of course) the old "oops i'm touching you more often than usual" ploy..most guys will definitely get it.</p>
<p>^ now that you mention it, I'm pretty sure people who are just platonic don't do it to each other. ever. maybe hand on the upperback/shoulder area, but not lower back...</p>
<p>
[quote]
Especially among friends b/c you can tell when something's changed. From recent personal experience - the whole "prolonged eye contact and not much talking" thing. I mean, sometimes you can cut the sexual tension in the room with a knife.</p>
<p>Or the "oops I'm touching you more often than usual" --- or oh, let me grab something behind you and accidentally lean my breasts on you.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Guilty as charged, haha, except for the very last part, I'm not quite ~that~ unsubtle. But prolonged eye contact and "oops I'm touching you more often than usual" on my part has definitely been part of the picture.</p>
<p>Understandable, but I had no idea guys picked up on that kind of stuff. I thought guys would just shrug it off as nothing. No?</p>
<p>Especially if you've been friends for sometime then maybe all the "prolonged eye contact and not much talking" and "oops I'm touching you more often than usual" will go unnoticed or ignored, or regarded as something that isn't big? Enlighten me =)</p>
<p>I asked my first college gf out on the very first day of college. </p>
<p>We were in the same English class, it was a night class, 730-9. </p>
<p>I am a shallow person and she was the most attractive girl in the class, so I sat next to her.</p>
<p>We talked some during classes, first day, you don't really do or learn anything. </p>
<p>Then after class, it was dark obviously, so I was like, "can I walk you back to your dorm"</p>
<p>We dated for about 7 months, she made some EXCELLENT oatmeal cookies. LIKE OMFG MY FAV</p>
<p>looool, nice to hear you got some good food out of that relationship.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
And believe me, guys are really clueless.
[/QUOTE]
</p>
<p>I'm a guy and you are 100% correct. I can't tell you how many girlfriends I've had that one of their main complaints was their old boyfriends would never catch on (Guys: That translates to she wanted him to read her mind.) But in all reality she just relied entirely on her body language to communicate that information. I use body language a lot in a relationship because that is how girls communicate (and I rarely use logic because that's not how they communicate). A flow chart of how we'll have sex is not nearly as effective as communicating it emotionally.</p>
<p>We're talking about the flirting stage, Luke, not the relationship stage. We're not talking about girls being upset and not telling you why kinda bs.</p>
<p>And let's please not get into the man-logic woman-emotion debate. Because that's bs. All people use reason and emotion constantly.</p>
<p>mcb: in my examples, yes I was interested - otherwise I wouldn't let the sexual tension build</p>
<p>rhapsody: hands on your lower back all the time? definitely interested, haha. I mean, are you kidding me? and you people think guys are oblivious!</p>
<p>aigoo: it will be noticed, because it's different (she never touched me much before) or starts laughing at everything you say - you can pick up on the different vibe. I has to be a change - if she was always grabby, it might not mean much. I guess it depends on the awareness guy to guy. But if you're interested and giving signals, wouldn't you WANT the guy to pick up on them? You're smart I'm sure you could figure out a way.</p>
<p>A lot of guys "pick up on things" but don't act on them because they aren't SURE, they aren't CERTAIN that a real interest is there- because uninterested girls have flirted with them or cockteased them before, or led them on sexually to remain friends, or sometimes girls have just unintentionally sent out signals. Some girls just get off on flirting and watching a guy squirm. So there ya go.</p>
<p>well said peter.</p>
<p>that was horrible peter</p>
<p>Even in the flirting stages guys can't read women very well. It actually has to do with the level of estrogen. Estrogen helps with reading the details and body language and women have a larger amount in their system. It's biological that men are deficient in comparison. I'm not talking about when girls are upset and guys don't understand, maybe if your relationship experience wasn't based off of sitcoms you might also understand. Guys never get it when girls want to be kissed, left alone or given attention, especially in the flirty stages. I can't even begin to count the times where I saw a guy not understand when to STOP TALKING AND WALK AWAY. Guys just drag out uninteresting conversations because they can't pick up on nonverbal cues that the girls are painting. That's when girls wonder why guys are so stupid. To translate, it would be like a guy telling a girl to walk away and her not doing it, not because she is defiant but because she doesn't understand. Girls think it's as clear as that. Guys don't.</p>
<p>Also, women and men are not equal. We all don't "use reason and emotion constantly," some people are more driven by one than the other. There is actually a modern movement to call this "evolutionary psychology". Whatever the case, each sex has it's advantages and it's ridiculous to assume they are the same.</p>
<p>So, ever since I gave him his birthday card on Monday, (which was just a normal birthday card, my other friend--the other girl in our "friend triangle" gave him one as well), my guy friend's been acting rather cold towards me. Usually, I can just pop into his room or if he's in the study lounge, sit in a chair besides him, and start talking to him. Now, I almost feel like he's vaguely irritated with me every time I start talking to him. Am I imagining things because I like him? Or is it a possibility? </p>
<p>@peter, you're mixing me up with mcb! He's never touched my lower back, although that would be interesting, haha.</p>
<p>^ no hands on my lower back either. if you look back, it was leah's post</p>
<p>Really? He's acting cold toward you? That is kind of strange. Maybe its time that you confronted him, and asked him what's going on. It might be possible that some aspects of his life isn't peachy keen right now, but I definitely suggest you talk to him about it.</p>
<p>Luke: You brought up your girlfriend complaining and expecting "mind reading" - not me.</p>
<p>And what the hell are you talking about? You're right no one is a mind reader. Guys or girls.</p>
<p>Girls are slightly better at picking up some social cues, but I hope you're not a biology major b/c estrogen plays no part in it. It's the inverse: testosterone "masculines" the male brain at birth. That and girls socialize more frequently at an early age.</p>
<p>Yes, many guys get crushes and are delusional and constantly hit on hot girls who are grossed out by them; their hormones, their dick, and their ego all blind them. But girls are not exactly social geniuses. Their stupidity is just not as obvious as guys. It just happens to be more rare for a drunk girl to come up to me, deliver an absolutely awful line, while I look to a nearby male friend, roll my eyes and he laughs. It still happens though.</p>
<p>"Evolutionary psychology" is hardly "new" or a "movement" -- and about 99.9% of this board (including you) hardly understands it or its predictive or explanatory power in the slightest.</p>
<p>And you saying "men are more logical" sounds like rehashed redneck, societal b.s. anyway. Many studies have found that women are actually more left brained (language, logic, reason) while men are actually more right brained (emotional, spacial, creative, subjective). Saying you use "almighty logic" while your girlfriend is a mindless slave to emotions is perposterous but I'm sure you scream that argument at her all the time. Sure, girls PMS once a month but that's about all of it. Meanwhile I'm sure you throw tantrums all the time and you're "logic" is anything but. Logic is not truth or god, it's mental masturbation. George Bush and Kobi Bryant each had their "logic."</p>
<p>"Guys never get it when girls want to be kissed or left alone"</p>
<p>Wow, really? I think you just revealed a great deal of idiocy right here. You're right, every time I've kissed a girl I was signalling I was gonna go for it, she was signalling to go for it, I decoded her indian smoke signals clearing me for landing, gave her thumbs up, then did it. no one thinks of that garbage! if a guy doesn't go for it when a girl is interested, he's a social retard or has no balls.</p>
<p>You really put girls up on a pedastal, that much is obvious. Yes, they are social masterminds, lightyears ahead of men. How can we every understand their complex social cues? They're just as dumb and wading through the bs as the rest of us. Why do you think there's so many posts about "this guy did this what does that mean?" Please take your ignorance elsewhere.</p>
<p>^ clap clap clap.</p>
<p>I like the part where you debunked the whole guys=>more logical and girls=>more emotional idea.</p>
<p>I stopped reading when I realized you were just regurgitating feminist ideals. Think what you want. We're all equal and Jesus loves everyone. I would say when you start dating you'll understand these things... but more than likely you're one of those guys who's girlfriend cheats on you and you just think she's a whore.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
I like the part where you debunked the whole guys=>more logical and girls=>more emotional idea.
[/QUOTE]
</p>
<p>Never go into sales.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Really? He's acting cold toward you? That is kind of strange. Maybe its time that you confronted him, and asked him what's going on. It might be possible that some aspects of his life isn't peachy keen right now, but I definitely suggest you talk to him about it.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Haha, I found out what the problem was. He was on about three hours of sleep and still had several assignments in his Engineering classes left to do when I talked to him. </p>
<p>That would certainly explain the grumpiness!</p>