<p>I'd like some input on a situation at my D's school. My D won an English award last year, which obligated her to publish a book. She chose to publish some poems. This work was guided by her creative writing teacher, and I believe her English teacher. It also received the blessing of the principal, in the preface.
Her book was distributed at an end of year event open to all parents and students.
One of the poems, particularly, was offensive to her father and to me. We are called by name. "my mother" "my father". She depicts me as dumb drunk drinking wine and passing out into stupor. She has her father driving off a bridge, and suggests that it may not have been an accident.
Now, I know that many angry teenagers would love to symbolically annihilate their parents. In this case, though, she had the blessing of her teachers and of the principal.
I wrote an email to the creative writing teacher suggesting that the school had a responsibility to prevent a student, in a school sponsored publication, from publicly humiliating another person (her parents). I queried "at what price freedom of creative expression". I sent copies to the second English teacher, to the guidance counselor and to the principal.
None has responded to me directly, but the guidance counselor made a huge error in sending me a response to one of the others. He wrote "mom is off her rocker" "not believable" and "why is she not interested in understanding why her daughter is so angry". This same guidance counselor has had my daughter babysit for his two children during the last half year (granted, it was after her college recs went out).
I would greatly appreciate feedback on this wonderful forum regarding whether the school had a responsibility to prevent my daughter from publicly humiliating her parents, in a school sponsored publication.
Is the guidance counselor guilty of libel, unprofessional behavior, illegal behavior. Thanks for any opinions. This whole thing has me extremely upset.</p>
<p>This is an outrageous story. I hope you saved that guidance counselor response! What has your D told you about the motvation for these ugly poems?</p>
<p>Do you have issues with your D? Have these people actually met you & had contact with you, or are they making assumptions based entirely on D's poems? It is totally inappropriate for the school representatives to let this happen & not to make some private referrals if there truly IS a troubling situation in your home. The key here is PRIVATE. How dare they allow your D's raw emotions to be publicised in this way! Might be time for a talk with your pediatrician & lawyer.</p>
<p>D does see a therapist. She also talks privately with guidance counselor who sees himself as a therapist (former??). My very few interactions with him have been very civil and never due to any problem I had with him. I have saved all the emails and will probably have a meeting with the Supt. of schools. D nowadays mostly lives with the father. She recently went off Zoloft.
I find it outrageous that the guidance counselor, being that he inadvertently made contact with me (and there have been a few subsequent emails) is totally ignoring the content of my query. Did the school have an obligation to delete specific poems? I have met the creative writing teacher once, at the above mentioned event. She said "it's supposed to be fiction".
Why is no one addressing the content of my email? Either the school had an obligation or didn't, and maybe they need to re-evaluate what their position is. Instead, it became an ugly personal attack on my sanity and credibility.
Is a guidance counselor allowed to employ a student in his home? I asked him about this in a follow-up email, and received no answer. Are they all worried about lawsuits? I actually know that, since the book was labeled "poems" that there is no case for character defamation. That was never my intent.<br>
I do believe that many kids at this age are very stressed and very angry, but should the school be aiding and abetting them in humiliating their parents in public?</p>
<p>Any reason why you didn't read her poems or a copy of the book before it was published?</p>
<p>Unless her father actually has driven off a bridge, I think that any sensible person would take the specifics of the poem as fiction, and simply an expression of typical teenage angst.</p>
<p>That does not preclude GCs and others at her school being idiots, of course. The GC in question will likely get his comeuppance when his children reach their teen years.</p>
<p>I have a friend whose HS student developed unprofessionally close relationships with several teachers, all of whom she convinced that her parents were "abusive." (None of these teachers were apparently aware that the kid had a history of false abuse claims against others going back to middle school. Records from the middle school were not shared with the HS.) These teachers aided and abetted her in participating in activities (off of school grounds) without her parents permission and specifically against their wishes. They took her in to their homes and transported her between them when she "ran away" from home because her "abusive" parents were angry when they discovered that she had been driving a family car around town without having a driver's license (!). So this kind of thing can and does get out of hand.</p>
<p>The guidance counselor is a fool. You should forward his email to the principal and demand a response. (Use read receipt.) If one is not forthcoming, forward that email to the school board. At the very least, you should be given an explanation of the procedures and policies in place regarding personal relationships between staff members and students, and professional behavior and discretion.</p>
<p>With all due respect, from a student's perspective, I think you're approaching this the wrong way. While I understand how this not only hurts emotionally but also make you look bad, censoring your daughter makes it seem like you're trying to control what she can and can't express which will make the problem worse. My personal opinions aside (I'd side with the school on creative license), I really believe you should take this as an opportunity to address concerns you're daughter obviously has even if you believe its not true. There has to be a reason she feels that way, so find out why. You're only making things worse by not talking to her about the poem directly as if you're dismissing the poem as an act of teenage rebellion, which doesn't seem to be. There's no need for lawyers or coercion, just talk to her privately with your husband and hear her side out and tell her how you feel about it. </p>
<p>TMHO</p>
<p>RacinReaver, you ask a good question. D has been writing journals for English class, for several years. She never lets me read anything. There were some other less offensive poems, where she clearly is talking about me, but doesn't say "my mother". She read and discussed the poem in question last September with her creative writing class. It was the only poem that she let me read. I told her that I would be very upset if she included it in her book. I haven't found that "forbidding" her to do anything has ever been effective, actually the contrary. She now claims that two weeks before publication, she told me that I might find some of the poems offensive, but that she would not have let me read or change any of them. I've had some medical problems that have been pre-occupying me, and I truly had forgotten about the earlier one--I guess I was unconsciously relying on her sense of ethics or that of the teachers.</p>
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I've had some medical problems that have been pre-occupying me, and I truly had forgotten about the earlier one--I guess I was unconsciously relying on her sense of ethics or that of the teachers.
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<p>I don't understand what this has to do with ethics. Stop dismissing what she feels and address it with her first.</p>
<p>Consolation, I did forward that email and my response to it to the principal. I have received no communication from him. I suspect that it was originally intended for him, anyway. I have received no response from the creative writing teacher, who was the faculty adviser for the book. The original email was sent to her directly and copied to the others.</p>
<p>Insane, I have addressed it with her. She said it was HER book and her right to publish anything she wanted, and that it wasn't about "my father" and "my mother". Does that answer your question? You sound like you have/had your own issues, BTW.
And while I value your opinion re the validity of creative license, it is not your opinion that dictates the school policy.</p>
<p>What does this have to do with ethics?</p>
<p>For one thing, professional ethics would not allow a therapist--apparently the GC has engaged in "therapy" with this student--to have the client/patient babysitting the therapist's children. </p>
<p>Do I have to spell out WHY that kind of lack of boundaries is a bad idea?</p>
<p>I certainly agree that the OP needs to engage with her D, but lack of observance of professional ethics can lead to bad consequences for all involved. In this case, for example, it seems that the GC has lost or has made no attempt to maintain the proper professional perspective, and simply swallows whatever the D says, hook, line, and sinker. That is not what a good therapist does.</p>
<p>@consolation I thought she meant it was unethical to publish a poem slandering her against her wishes. My bad.</p>
<p>Oh I have tons of issues as does the rest of the world. Insulting 19 year olds though doesn't help your case. But it is her book and her poems and if they're not about her "mother and father", that's not your place to edit it. Its not libel its an artistic expression. I'm only speaking from a point of view of communication which you're not engaging in. But whatevs.</p>
<p>If you feel the guidance counselor acted unprofessionally, I agree with consolation, talk to principal. Schedule a meeting as opposed to email and bring a print copy of what was written. Also I suggest finding out if there is a school board you can talk to. While the school has the right to publish it, they need to have funding from somewhere to do it. So talk to the board and express your concerns there.</p>
<p>I have never met with her real therapist. I have suggested to him that we meet together with D (he does this with most of his patients, routinely) but D has refused. At her very first meeting with him, almost two years ago, he wanted to have me in the office together with her for 20 minutes of the session. She said, that this "has nothing to do with her" meaning me, and so I was not included. More recently, I have suggested it again, but she, as the client, called the shots. She has been pleased with this therapist. (I, of course, pay the bills.)</p>
<p>Insane, whenever I try to talk to her, she hangs up the phone. That is why I so much wanted to sit with her in the therapist's office and try to clear things up. This may sound glib, and a cop out, but she was so much more rational during the year she was on Zoloft. Loving, even.</p>
<p>Well I suggest you find a way to talk in person so there is no option prematurely ending the conversation. While speaking in the presence of a therapist would be helpful, it really is isn't necessary. You just need to be in the same room and be prepared for lots of yelling, frustration, anger, but have faith that once everything's out there it'll make way for gradual resolution. May I ask what the gist of what you said that caused her to hang up. If its along the lines don't do this or that or change what you wrote, that's probably expected. </p>
<p>But as I said earlier school board is where you go if it doesn't work out with the principal. I speak from experience, as I was on the other side (getting censored for my grad speech). There's always bigger fish you need to go to.</p>
<p>Did you ever congratulate her on getting her book of poems published, or just focussed on the one you don't like? Do you own a copy and display it proudly in your rooms -- for the other poems, that is, not just the one about you?</p>
<p>She's in deep rebellion against you, and you know that. I feel you're seizing upon the incident of the poetry book's publication and trying to annhialate the GC and school system, when the one to address is your daughter. She won't let you, apparently, which is part of her deep rebellion.</p>
<p>Put aside your embarrassment among other adults. Honestly, if I were reading this by some other student, I'd automatically assume "typical teenaged angst" and not form any opinions about you from such a poem. I might think positively, what a good writer in that family -- if I liked all the poems in general. </p>
<p>By choosing to publish it, however, your D has taken on the responsibility of an author. I think I'd try to approach a conversation about how much you loved the rest of the poems, but were surprised by this one. Don't criticise, just say you were surprised. Then listen to what she might say. If she says nothing, you've still made your point and she won't hear any more this year. </p>
<p>I also wonder whose idea was it to stop the Zoloft? If it's a trial basis, you can perhaps talk independently to the therapist to report your perception of the impact of pulling away on the meds upon your D's behavior, in general. You're entitled to report your perception to the therapist, without telling the therapist what to do. It's important feedback for the therapist to know. Everyone can argue with you when you tell them what to do, but nobody can argue that you have a perception. As a mom, that perception should count for something, just not everything.</p>
<p>To put it kindly, I do not have any respect for this principal. Several years ago, there was a student arrested for forging drivers licenses--the police actually came to the school. Everyone knew he was doing it. (back in my day, people forged student ID's, not legal documents). Anyway this kid ran a campaign for school (or class?) president, was elected, and was allowed to serve.<br>
The school board has been mentioned twice--actually I'm not sure what their function is, but wouldn't the Superintendent of Schools be the more appropriate place to turn to?</p>
<p>How will you win back your daughter by lambasting the school system? Who do care about more, anyway? In other words, even if you could prove the school wrong for giving her the support, would that drive her closer to you or further away?</p>
<p>As far as the therapist goes, he is acting appropriately. His overwhelming responsibility is to your daughter, and she has the right to confidentiality of their discussions. If she doesn't want you there, that is her call. Your financial responsibility is of no consequence. While it may be frustrating, that's the way it has to be for their "therapeutic alliance" to be maintained. As a medical student I can attest that we get inundated with discussions (and test questions on our national board exams) about ethics and certainly, the ethics of dealing with teenagers are unique. </p>
<p>If you wish to have a meeting with her, you'd actually be better off going to a brand new therapist for family sessions. No matter how "good" your daughter's therapist is, he's heard a lot of information over the last two years, and that makes him prone to biases (which may or may not show up). That's not an indictment on his ability, just an observation on human nature. </p>
<p>As for the school issue...I don't believe they have any responsibility. I'm not a lawyer but I'd imagine that the Supreme Court decisions (Tinker, Hazelwood) would apply, and limit the ability of the school to censor the publication. Specifically in regards to Hazelwood, which is broad/vague in what it allows to be censored, I don't think your daughter's poem falls into any of the categories in which censorship is allowed (even as these are very vague areas). Article from FAIR about Hazelwood decision here Teaching</a> Censorship</p>
<p>You could theoretically pursue litigation for defamation against your daughter, and if that could be proven, you might then have a case against the school officials on whether they were negligent in failing to prevent the publication of statements which could reasonably be foreseen to cause mental and emotional anguish. But I really don't see where that would get you. And given the artistic and creative license allowed in poetry...would be a tough case to begin with - did Kurt Cobain's father have a case against him and the record companies for a similar set of defamatory remarks?</p>
<p>@bigred I don't think she wants to sue the school. She wants to take action against the guidance counselor for unprofessional behavior. But I agree that she would have a weak legal ground to stand on to sue the school for libel.</p>
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The school board has been mentioned twice--actually I'm not sure what their function is, but wouldn't the Superintendent of Schools be the more appropriate place to turn to?
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<p>I'm not sure the structure of you're daughter's school or how easily accessible the superintendent is which why I recommended the school board since they meet more regularly. In my case, I actually worked for the assistant superintendent so I was able to supersede the vice principal I had problems with. But if you can talk to the superintendent than yeah that would be more advisable.</p>