<p>Bigredmed,,my this has gotten out of hand. I have no desire to pursue litigation against anyone, not the school, and not my daughter. My friends/relatives who read the book were all appalled that the school let her publish that poem. I hadn't even thought of that. That's why I wrote the email to the creative writing teacher, to elucidate school policy.
My D's formal therapist, not the GC, seems to respect me and my opinion (we have spoken on the phone perhaps 6 times in the last two years). I like him, and I think he has helped my D. She was doing really well on the meds (very low dose) so when the stress of college apps was over, she wanted to get off. I have communicated by phone to the therapist regarding many recent random hostile attacks. e.g. out of the blue, she told me that I hadn't given her any birthday presents?? He is planning to discuss the issue of meds with her. Problem is she had cut down to once every two weeks with the therapist</p>
<p>Paying3tuitions, this was never intended as a "pixxing match" with the school. I sent a letter stating my concern, and inquiring about policy or lack there of, and suggesting that they reconsider the issue if they have a policy of "total freedom of artistic expression". My desire was never to lambast anyone, and my daughter never would have needed to know about my inquiry. She will, only if the GC tells her of it. Since she still babysits for him, that is an open question.</p>
<p>Insane, I have NO legal ground to sue the school, not weak grounds. A book labeled "poems" does not constitute libel or defamation of character. I also have zero desire to sue anyone (never have). I wanted a respectful thoughtful response from the school, and instead I got a truly ugly personal attack from the GC, the one who employs my daughter. I don't want even to bring action against him, although I suspect that his behavior is actionable. But I would never do that, simply because of the upset that it would cause my daughter</p>
<p>Paying3tuitions, on the subject of praise, which you bring up. The night before my daughter sent in her apps (she was at father's house) she emailed me her college essay. It was not your standard essay. It was poetic, not a poem. I called her and told her that it was a world class essay, that I was overwhelmed that she could write so beautifully. And that I was very very proud. Very recently, when a mention of the essay was made (it's in the book, the only "non-poem" in the book) she screamed at me that I told her not to send it. Sometimes you can't win.</p>
<p>Hi ema,</p>
<p>There is a writer in my family who wrote some very personal poetry that was published. Some of the poems were about family members and were not always flattering. Even strangers would know who they referred to because of family labels. I (and I assume others in our family, though we don't discuss it much) accepted that this was art, that the poems grew out of periods in relationships that were rough, and that, considering artistic license, they may not have even accurately portrayed the person or events. Also, the writer could have been depressed or just sad at the time of writing and those feelings didn't characterize the arc of the relationships. She did not ask our permission to publish, or warn us of what was coming, but let us reach our own conclusions and find peace with the idea of there being a strong voice in our midst.</p>
<p>Poetry allows expression of deep feelings. Young readers may connect with their own feelings through this poetry. </p>
<p>As much as you are hurt by the thought that you are the target of harsh and false recollections or motives in these poems, I urge you to take a step back and see your daughter as an artist, and not as your vindictive child. </p>
<p>Congratulations to you and to your daughter for this accomplishment.</p>
<p>Thank you riverrunner, for your kind and thoughtful response. It is much appreciated.</p>
<p>I think BigRed's idea of going to a new, neutral couselor to facilitate discussion is a good one.</p>
<p>The GC is completely out of line here. Boundaries being crossed for sure! This girl is in pain. The poems are much more than "typical teenaged angst." Facilitating the poem's publication was almost certain to drive a wedge between mom and D in an already troubled relationship. No prudent or competent counselor would help a minor to do this. Years from now the D may regret that these private & angry emotions were publicly viewed. It is shameful that the GC and the school didn't consider the implications. I tyhink a lawyer should be brought in, not for filing a suit, but for dealing with the administration. The OP isn't getting anywhere on her own. This GC needs to be removed before other troubled kids are under her influence. And the D needs to hear from other neutral adults that the GC's relationship and bad judgment are not in her best interest.</p>
<p>Stickershock, while I agree with everything you write, my intervention in attempting to have the GC removed will cause very prolonged damage to my relationship with an already very angry D. Just for the record, the GC had nothing to do with the publishing of the book. Unfortunately, any escalation on my part, will cause anger to turn into unbounded fury. It could take years to overcome that. She loves the guy's two little kids. And while he thinks that I am a crazy person, and a lousy mother (thanks to D's image), she has shown, evidently, wonderful nurturing to these two kids. They adore her. I am told. I wonder where he thinks she learned that.</p>
<p>As a family member of several people with mental illness I would be concerned that some of your D's behavior could be a sign of progressing illness. It could be typical teen rebellion or something more serious. I don't know if you stated if she was 18 yet. If not I would talk to the therapist seriously about your concerns and some of the odd behavior. Had you given her birthday presents?
If it is mental illness once she turns 18 you will have no rights to require to her seek help.</p>
<p>Mom60, I think it's intense rebellion combined with mild depression (last year when she went on the Zoloft after months of feeling sad, it was "moderate". Now it's not sadness but significant irritability. I'm not a therapist, but hers (who I have a very good feeling about) is not alarmed, although he tells me, based on my feedback, that he will talk to her about meds at their next session. He said that going back on meds will affect her sense of self-esteem, since it is important to her to feel that she can handle her emotions on her own. She is 18. Of course I gave her presents (many), I am always buying her wonderful things also. I can't walk into a store without seeing some cute thing that I know she would love. Always 90% off! Not that she is spoiled. When I brought up the issue she said that her claim was an "inappropriate response". When I brought up her getting angry with me on Mother's Day for spending some time buying her something she needed for her graduation dress, she said it "reminded her of her father", who never wants anything. It seems to be generalized anger/irritability most easily directed at me.</p>