My son is currently a HS junior. Since 8th grade, his education has been significantly impacted by anxiety and depression. During that time he’s missed a lot of school, and his grades have suffered. He’s also got a number of irregularities on his transcript, such as courses that he withdrew from, and online courses from periods when he was too sick to go to school.
I think we finally might have found the right combination of medication and therapy, and he’s starting second semester with some optimism. Assuming that things continue to go well, and we think he’s ready to go to college after graduation (not a sure thing at all), I’m not sure how we explain or handle the irregularities on his transcript. He only completed 4 courses his sophomore year, (7 is typical in our district), and did not earn a math credit. This year he’ll likely earn 6 credits, although one may be through summer school. He also has 7 classes from the fall of sophomore year listed as “withdrew failing”.
I attended a workshop on the college process for students with disabilities, and the message that I received was that it’s good to be upfront about learning disabilities or ADHD, but mental illness should be hidden because it freaks colleges out. When I asked for advice about our situation, they suggested that my son send a letter stating that he was “ill” but not specifying the illness. I am skeptical. I think a college would see right through this.
In addition, there are questions I’d like to ask in the admissions process. I think we’ll need to choose a school that has some specific disability supports, but how can I ask about supports without giving a reason?
One reason you may have heard that it’s best not to disclose mental illness is because colleges are terrified of suicide on campus. But in your son’s case, when his illness has seriously impacted his education, I think it’s best to be up front when the time comes. It will be very clear from his transcript that something serious was going on.
But for now, I think I’d focus on just getting him healthy and stable so that he can actually enjoy his last years of high school. He may find that he needs a gap year or a few years at a CC while living at home before he is ready to tackle campus life. Don’t rush getting well. He needs to learn what triggers his anxiety and how to manage it while he is still safely at home.
My daughter, a college junior, also has a dual diagnosis of anxiety and depression. She chose to go to a college near home, but lived on campus. Her freshman year, especially the second semester, was hell. She spent the summer getting well (had a low key job, but that was it.) Her sophomore year was much better because she had a good therapist and both of her medications worked really well.
At the end of her sophomore year, she applied for a competitive junior year in France program. It would have been very foolish not to disclose her MI on her application. Even with a year of stability under her belt, we had some concerns. She had to have her psychiatrist write a letter stating that she was able to study abroad, and we required her to find a therapist in France and get a year’s worth of meds before we’d let her go. This involved her insurance company, her psychiatrist, the on-campus therapist, and her private therapist.
She is in France now and doing really well, although she did have a relapse of her anxiety and cutting early in the first semester. I’ve learned that even when things go along very smoothly for a while, a relapse can come out of the blue.
I will PM you. But first I wanted to ask why there aren’t better accommodations in high school. He should have been able to withdraw without failing. In fact, I am not sure withdrawal even needed to be on the transcript. Online courses are perfectly normal, and can be part of homeschooling. Did the school provide a tutor?
Has he considered a GED? Or an alternative high school program (if available)?
Have you talked with an advocate or lawyer just to make sure everything is being handled properly? (This does not have to be adversarial; a professional can offer some ideas and solve problems.)
We have a program, in our district, that allows the high school students to make up credits that are missing from the transcript via a type of “homeschool” program.
If the student was out for anything medically or mental-health related, the district tries to get the student to “catch-up”. The staff comes to the home, to give assignments, and if the work is completed, that course is added to the transcript. Even if the child is currently in school, they give class assignment, per quarter, and note that the class was completed through “Saturday School”. They provided guidance and help to get the child a full diploma with full credits before the student leaves the district.
There might be something similar in your school district, please ask!
Our school district’s home instruction has been horrible. We’ve had tutors who don’t know the content, or how to use the online learning system, or think they’re counselors and spend the whole period trying to talk to him about not being sad (depression does not work that way, you can’t talk someone out of it), or who refuse to communicate with me about basic things like scheduling and then get upset when we have to cancel because my kid scheduled a lesson at the same time I scheduled a doctor’s appointment.
However, there are also ways that mental illness can impact a kid cognitively, even with great supports. The reality is that when my kid is flooded with anxiety, he’s not able to attend or remember or organize his work in the same way as a nondisabled peer, and even with fantastic tutors and a great curriculum, his progress would have been impacted.
I am pretty sure he will end up with a HS diploma, and a GPA and test scores that are pretty even with each other. I think that there are many great schools that would serve him well that take kids with similar scores and similar GPA. They aren’t the schools that CC loves, but they’re probably many that would be a good fit for him.
But I know that, as Massmomm says, the schools are concerned about suicide. Since I worry about that too, I can hardly blame them, and I worry that they’ll look at the spotty transcript and read between the lines. Part of me thinks it would be better for us to be honest and explain the situation than to let them use their imagination and maybe imagine something worse. I’m just not sure.
Please read “The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression.” Make sure he is stable before he moves on to the next stage of his life. Each depressive episode is often deeper and darker than the previous one.
It may be too early to determine if your son can handle “going away” to college. Even with meds and therapy, he may want and need the familarity of home for awhile. You mention ADHD. If that also exists, then do the parents help the child “keep all the plates in the air,” (schedule, reminders, chores, laundry, food, organization, meds/refilling meds, help finding misplaced things, etc). Many kids simply fall apart once those safety nets are removed and the child is now hours away in a dorm.
He may need to start school at a local CC or state school and commute. A CC won’t likely care about the irregularities as long as he has a high school diploma. Some regional state schools might not care either.
Then after two years at a CC or local state school, his high school grades wouldn’t be an issue.
As mentioned above, schools aren’t only worried about a suicide on campus, but someone killing others as well. Even though we all know that most people with a mental illness never hurts anyone, schools are understandably concerned.
I imagine that you want this new combo of meds and therapy to be the answer, but if he’s suddenly away from this therapist and away from home, much of the good could be lost.
MaterS, thanks for the recommendation! I’ll definitely check into it.
We’re definitely taking his stability very seriously. If he needs a gap year, or a whole different plan, we’ll do it. If he goes to college it will likely be someplace close by, with a strong student support program, and a local psychologist interviewed and hired before he arrives on campus.
The reality, though, is that his current stage of life will end, and a new one will start, whether he’s ready or not. The structure of HS and sports will end. The friends he relies on for support will graduate and go away. Do I worry about him at college? Of course, but I worry that it will be hard for him to build a friendship network at our local CC, which is huge, or that “failing” to do what he’s always wanted and expecting by going away to college will trigger depression. There’s no easy solution,
The reality is that if we want to keep the option of going away to college open, I need to be looking and researching now. If we research college and he’s not ready, it’s a lot easier to turn around, then it is if the opposite is true.
I also think that if he does stay home for another year, our first choice would be to have him accepted and then ask for a deferral. I don’t think our local CC will end up being the right place for him, so a gap year would probably be to work ,or do something that’s neither school nor work.
I mentioned ADHD as “if he had this, it would be different”. Not as something he happens to have.
The concern about MI can be something as dire as suicide. But it’s also a need to see the applicant can function (reasonably well) in the new environment. That’s the other side- and the same thing you want. They may have questions, but they don’t necessarily jump to ultimate conclusions.
As Massmomm said, the first thing is “healthy and stable.” After that (or even as it develops,) you’ll have a better idea of what sort of campus environment he needs, whether he can recognize his needs and advocate for himself, all sorts of things that will guide you. Even though he’s a soph now and the urge is to look ahead, this really is a case of one stage at a time.
One of mine went through a tough period. The right meds helped. But we learned you often have to fine tune them, add something, change a dose, etc. It’s common, so don’t be discouraged, it’s just part of his new path and yours. Best wishes.
I specialize in advising students who have issues on their records requiring explanation. There are countless factors that go into figuring out the right path, but the biggest one is that health needs always trump education. College is going to be there whenever he’s ready for it. That might be on the same schedule as his classmates, or it might not. If you decide to disclose, as most but not all of my students do, there are ways to do it that mitigate colleges’ fears.
If you’d like to discuss further, PM me (or email me; my web site is in my CC profile). Best of luck to you.
Lookingforward, to clarify he’s a junior. The most significant incidents happened in his sophomore year. He’s been moving towards health and stability for about a year at this point.
I do know a few kids who had onset of depression and/or anxiety in high school serious enough to keep them out of school, who ended up going away to college and doing well. I just want to inject that positivity. One of them did Outdoor Leadership School (you can google it) for a semester and worked, after high school, after a year at home with a lot of therapy, and then a year finishing school.
As for depressions becoming deeper and darker, that is not true if the depressions are medicated and otherwise treated. Our MD’s have compared it to the “kindling” in epilepsy, but a year of SSRI’s can be very healing for the brain- so we have been told.
I have seen anxiety smooth out after this part of adolescence is over. There is a lot of anticipatory anxiety for a lot of kids in senior year too, which is resolved once the transition actually happens. True clinical depression and/or anxiety does tend to recur, if untreated, but your son is in treatment.
That said, timelines can vary for college and work and maturing. These days, there are many ways to do college and many environments are multi-age. He may want to try the traditional residential experience, but he isn’t locked into it.
Over time, he will most likely do fine with some bumps and zigs and zags.
p.s. our school had teachers fill out forms for any work done in class, homework, missing grades, and sent home quizzes and tests- both for a kid who was performing out of town and for a kid with major health issues. We got the forms at the end of each day. They did the work at their own pace but kept up.
One thing to keep in mind is that there are no prizes for finishing college ‘on schedule.’ One student we know with ADHD was on the ‘five year plan’ from the get go. His parents wanted has little pressure as possible and a lighter academic load was part of that plan. Others we know built around a work/study model, where student was enrolled part-time and worked part-time. There is no real reason why anyone should feel compelled to complete college in 4 years without breaks, when reduced work loads to accommodate other interests and needs or opportunities for internships (not just in the summer), etc…would better meet this person’s needs.
Find schools that have flexibility built into their curriculum to accommodate your S rather than trying to force fit him into the usual model of 4 years full-time and out.
I really appreciate all the people responding to the post!
Please believe me, however, that we’re being very cautious and involving a lot of professionals in the decision. He’s got an excellent team with a psychiatrist, two neuropsychologists, multiple clinicians, an educational consultant and a school counselor all exploring options for him. When he goes, where he applies, how many years he takes etc . . . are all up for discussion, just like they are for any kid.
At this point, his team and we feel that the right choice for him is to explore smaller colleges less than 3 hours from home. We’re on a coast so there are many schools that fit those criteria, so we’re starting the process of setting up some visits.
If we find schools that we think would be a fit, and if he, with the support of parents and team, decides he wants to apply, then my question remains. Does anyone have thoughts on how best to approach the transcripts issues during the application process?
In the end, we will disclose everything, in part because he’ll need to disclose to get the disability services he’ll need (priority registration, to keep his course load even across semesters, extended time on testing and copies of notes, some kind of coaching or support with time management, possibly permission to keep a car on campus to travel to therapy/psychiatrist visits). But the question is whether to do that before, or after the admissions process, and whether to be concerned that asking questions about accommodations might flag something on his file.
You sound like you are being wise and rational as you seek the best path for your child. I applaud you for seeking the best way to present your son to the colleges you will eventually have him apply to. So many people wait til the last minute with admissions paperwork, but this is one of those times you will want to pay for the most knowledgeable consultant that can help present your son honestly but in a positive light.
Again, I think, with the team of people you have, that the transcript should not have some of the problems it has, including withdrawal failures. And he should have had a way to continue schooling that was based on his own pace and ability to do work. I think he has been underserved by the high school.
The GC and family can write basic information explaining that a health problem caused such and such effect and that it is now under control, along with GC and teacher information on his character and strong points etc. I do not think it is necessary to reveal details, no.
On the other hand if your son, independently, feels strongly that his struggles are part of who he is, and badly wants to write an essay on them, then I would not stand in his way. My kid chose not to define herself this way in an essay, and wrote about something else, but the GC and family notes were essential in explaining her situation, though they were very basic and general in nature.
By all means, as soon as acceptance is received, contact disabilities offices. If there is a dean or advisor involved, it is good to let them know too.
Oh- and a single room helps sometimes, but for some it doesn’t and causes feelings of stigma. It depends on the school and whether singles are available to kids w/out disabilities. If your son would do well with a single, that might be a criterion to include in your search.
My thoughts were nearly identical to @mom2collegekids However, if the local CC is not a good fit for your son, maybe there is a branch campus of your state university where he might be accepted. Who knows where he will be a year from now, but I would hesitate to send him anywhere that is farther than a reasonable drive from home. Transitioning to college is difficult enough, under the best of circumstances. Having a safety net in place is probably a good idea.
Kids with these issues go to a wide range of colleges, whether Ivy League, LAC, state u. or community college. Community college can be a disappointing environment for some, and encouraging for others.
Some end up thriving quite far from home, too.
I would not automatically suggest limits on where he goes, because I don’t know your son.
The whole point of the Americans with Disabilities Act is that a kid with health or mental health issues or other disability should not have to limit choices based on the disability, and I believe strongly in that. Colleges have to provide services to make this possible and many do a good job.
Parents naturally have concerns and fears, but limiting those as a deciding factor is sometimes a good thing too. The student should be the driving force, as long as finances support the choice.
I am under the impression that many colleges provide health services and disability services already. Is the disclosure to the admissions office to make sure he has access to those services or to explain his transcript? If it is to make sure he has access to those services, it seems like a non-starter. Once admitted, he can then meet or start communicating with the disability department. You should be able to research their services under the radar without letting the college know he will need them.
If it is to explain his transcript, that is another story. People may be afraid of mental illness but they generally love a good story of accomplishment against the odds. I would encourage an essay that shows how his conditions have shaped him. What he has learned from his experiences. How he has overcome despite the obstacles of his illness. As a psychiatrist myself, I am often amazed at how mental illness can sometimes make people more compassionate, more thoughtful, more sensitive to other’s weaknesses. Not always as a teen however but in time…
He will have an interesting story and it’s not just perfect grades and scores. I would help him formulate that story. Even if he does’t use it for his application essay it might be a beneficial process. Perhaps, engage his therapist with this task as well.