Handling mental illness on a college application

Parents Forum
21

An essay on this topic is tricky. If the son really really wants to write it, fine. But there are other ways to explain the transcript :slight_smile: I am not so sure the story of overcoming the challenge of mental illness is that inspiring any more: it comes up a lot. And can verge into what I have read termed “inspiration porn.” Mental illness is tough, period. The son should not have to sugar coat it for an application.

Editing to add that a college can not turn down an applicant for fear of suicide or violence based solely on a general history of mental health issues.

22

“inspiration porn”! God yes.

23

My DD wrote an essay discussing her severe test anxiety and panic disorder. It was a gamble to do that and we still have no results from the colleges where she applied. We will see if it was a good idea in a couple of months when acceptances/rejections start rolling in.

24

Compmom, I agree 100% that he’s been underserved, both by his HS, and perhaps by his parents. We made the decision to withdraw him in 10th grade when things were going downhill quickly, and it worked to stabilize him and get him back on track, but at a cost to his transcript. Without a crystal ball, it’s hard to know whether a different choice would have been better, but at that point our energies were going into healing and stability for our child, rather than fighting the school system.

As far as CC, I don’t think it’s a great fit. He’s very social, and a little shy, and in general his periods of greatest growth have come when he’s been connected to his peers. Our CC has about 30K kids, and while I think their classes are excellent, I think it would be hard for him to build a network for friends or get involved.

There are 4 smaller schools that seem like potential matches that are close enough to home that he could commute if need be, and I’m hoping that one of them will be a perfect fit. If he chose one of those he could start at home, knowing that he could move onto campus, or start living on campus knowing he has the option of coming home for dinner. But we’d still need to tackle the question of disclosing/not disclosing if he decides to apply to these local options.

Our closest state school is our flagship, which is excellent, huge, and a high pressure environment.

25

That is incredibly sad to me that writing about the challenges of one’s life and how that challenge has shaped a person would be considered “inspiration porn.” Sad and offensive. If it was a car wreck, the death of a parent, the imprisonment of a parent or some other life shaping tragedy, it would be okay. But mental health? It’s been done. Not inspiring any more. Sad.

26

I was not thinking that this would be an essay topic. Knowing my kid, I can’t imagine that he’d choose that. If he chooses to then I would allow him to make that choice.

However, I think the more likely question is whether the guidance counselor mentions it, or whether we mention it in a separate letter explaining the decision to withdraw sophomore year.

His current educational consultant only works K-12, so we’re looking into the possibility of hiring a private college counselor. We’ve either interviewed or attended a workshop with a couple candidates, and this is one place where there are very different answers to the same questions. While it seems like the sensible thing would be to just do what the college counselor wants, in reality we’ll probably end up choosing the counselor in part based on how they answer the question of what to do.

27

The issue of writing about this challenge (and others) is that so many CC kids who ask just seem to want to explain what went wrong.

They don’t get that colleges can look for signs of the turnaround, what now goes right. It’s the needed other side of the equation.

28

I do agree that many people like dramatic turn around stories, and that admissions officers are likely in that category. But mental illness frequently doesn’t work that way. If my son wrote an essay that said “I was sick and now I’m better” it would be more dishonest than leaving it out altogether. The reality is that mental illness is, for my son and many other people, a chronic illness. Mostly likely it will be a lifelong chronic illness. Since onset he’s developed more skills for handling it; he’s learned to anticipate and plan for challenges, and to recognize early warning signs of distress; and he’s found a combination of medication and therapy that helps. Because of all of these things, he’s back in school and experiencing stability, both of which are wonderful things, but he’s not “cured”. With continued supports, we hope that he’ll be ready to take on the challenges of college.

29

I can only imagine what you all have been through. You sound like a wonderful mother. Sorry I don’t have any advice regarding disclosure, but a good consultant could help with both that and school options.

30

Rhiannydd you are an articulate and insightful parent clearly, and have done everything right for your son, and will continue to do that. The relationship you have with him is also clearly strong and a healing element for him.

The decision to withdraw was probably the best decision, too. It’s just that it maybe- and I don’t know for sure- it shouldn’t have left a mark on his transcript the way it did, and accommodations might have been better- but I don’t know the details.

Is it possible the school could change the transcript to exclude failures, and just show withdrawal? Do they have legal issues regarding truancy? Is it possible to say he was homeschooled during a time of health challenges?

I think it is important to be honest, but not confessional, if that makes sense. The transcript needs to be explained, yes, but even once at the college, when the disabilities office gives your son letters to give to professors, those letters will not mention what the specific disability is. You and the GC don’t have to be specific.

That said, there is also no need to be paranoid about judgements made about mental health. Both high schools and colleges are permeated with issues of student mental health and this is a case where parents and professionals were proactive and there is already a track record of treatment and benefit. This is far better than a student who has just been diagnosed with an uncertain course of therapy.

The GC and you can explain the transcript and mention “health challenges” or “mental health challenges”, either one, with explanation that treatment has been underway for two years and has shown benefit. . Your son can write an essay about what he wants. Then you tell the details to the disabilities office in documentation.

My friend with a son who had similar issues and missed a year of high school is also a college counselor. If you like I will ask her what they said more specifically.

p.s. Bearhouse, I have a kid with severe chronic mental health issues, and a kid with severe chronic medical issues. The latter also had a very very severe accident. Neither wanted to be identified by these struggles and wrote about what they considered “normal” topics in their essays. Since they are doing well, it would be easy to make an inspiring story, believe me. To me, that denies the reality and is a dishonest use of suffering to contrive “meaning.” Bad things in life happen and there isn’t always a meaning to be derived from it, no matter how heroically the person may have handled it. If you have a kid with a disability, you will understand. My friend has a kid with Downs who was included in regular classes. She got really tired of staff crying because they found his inclusion so touching, for instance, in a choral group. And yes, colleges have a lot of essays about overcoming adversity. To me, a mental health issue is best handled in a matter of fact way via GC, parental or professional note, and transcript. The essay is entirely up to the student and should not be a strategic choice so much as about personal priorities. Many kids with newish diagnoses identify with that diagnosis for some time, and so writing about it feels right. At some point hopefully, people move past diagnoses and recovery stories to a fulfilling present. In the meantime, mental illness is terrible and seems never-ending. I am writing this as a ps so as not to send the thread into a tangent and apologize if it has that effect.

31

““inspiration porn””

This is one of several ways to do it wrong, and there are a few keys to doing it right. My #1 rule for this kind of essay is: it’s about the recovery, not about the problem. Students are often tempted to get deep into the weeds describing the experience of being depressed, having a panic attack, etc. But this isn’t art, and that’s not what the reader needs to know. A good explanation essay is about who you are now in light of what you’ve been through.

32

Hanna said it well.

Other than some publics, the colleges want to know their admits can function reasonably well. That doesn’t mean perfect. Nor does it mean pretending. “Turnaround” probably has an indefinite number of meanings. It does not need to be dramatic. A kid would show ways he began to overcome whatever challenged (or challenges) him. Hanna notes recovery- I don’t even this this has to mean some end-point is reached. Adcoms and school admins know kids are still evolving and will continue to.

33

@Rhiannydd , I don’t have good answers for you, but am going to chime in anyway. :slight_smile:

My daughter has similar issues, and is now a college junior. She did therapy all the way through high school (no meds at that time), and used various coping strategies. She did not mention her issues in college apps, but they had not really impacted her transcript so much as to be noticeable either.

I greatly admire your understanding of your son’s illness. It’s certainly a roller coaster, and those of us with affected children certainly do become subject to all sorts of advice from well meaning people. Sometimes I become loathe to ask questions though, because I know 95% of the answers will be decidedly unhelpful :slight_smile:

My daughter’s problems did become worse in college (in some ways…in some ways they are better now, but, again, it really is all about finding the right therapy.) I do think that finding a college with strong disability support is important. That may mean that a larger college will be a better fit than a small one. It’s probably going to be very individual, varying from school to school.

We were in a situation, living in a geographically isolated state, that it was not practical for our daughter to remain near us during college. There were better resources for therapy in the new location. In other circumstances, I think it would have been better for her to be closer to home.

It’s probably going to be necessary, given the nature of his transcript, for your son to mention his illness.He may want to use an “other information” section, as opposed to an essay, to describe his current condition, how it is managed, etc.

I also think letters of recommendation are going to be huge for him. Is it possible for him to become involved in meaningful volunteer work or another extracurricular activity, even a paid job, where he could work closely with a mentor? Ideally something where he feels safe and supported.

Best wishes to you. Dealing with a child’s chronic illness is no walk in the park.

34

If the student had cancer, the transcript would not show withdrawal failures. It should be no different with mental health.

35

He did, however, actually withdraw. The school gave us the option of continuing on home instruction, but I had heard many times that the quality of home instruction was terrible, and that students learned very little. So, I filled out the paperwork for him to withdraw and attend a different school that was 100% online. So, even if we got the “F”'s off the transcripts, the midsemester withdrawal would still be there. The courses are not figured into his GPA, but they are listed, as must the fact that he received only 4 credits that year. Since then we’ve had some experience with home instruction. I can assure you that the people who said that it was terrible were 100% correct. My son has learned nothing, but will end up with a transcript that shows him attending the class at school, and likely getting an A.

Goodgrief, he does have an outside extracurricular that he’s been very involved in, plus one at school. I do think the recommendation of his leader/mentor/boss at the one outside school would be helpful. Is there a structure for allowing a non-school person to submit a recommendation? If so, that’s a really good idea!

36

It varies from school to school, but many colleges do have an option for a non-teacher to submit a rec.

Is he planning to do any classes this summer? If he could do a community college class and develop a relationship with that instructor, that could possibly serve as a strong recommendation. He may want to plan to do regular decision admissions next year, in an effort to gain a bit of time to strengthen his transcript and show that he is on an upswing. Perhaps there will be an instructor in the fall who could serve as another recommendation? It would be nice to have a couple of instructors, in addition to a non-teacher serving as recommenders.

Online instructors are sometimes willing to write recommendations as well.

37

@Rhiannydd - You are working hard to do the best for your son. My D has OCD diagnosed in 8th grade and stabilized with medication in HS. I’m thankful she had 4 years to go through therapy and different meds and get things sorted out. She is very practical about her MI and I encouraged her to not be shy about visiting counselors on campus if she felt it was necessary.

I worry a bit about the pressures of the college process for your son. While I believe you are doing so much good for your son, the list of professionals you have for him may be overwhelming already. On top of that, you add test prep, essay writing, college visits, etc.

The pressures of it all may be too much. You are getting good advice from the forum, people who have been there. Be cautious and talk to your son about what he wants. His motivation will be a key to his success.

Good luck!

38

http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/26/health/depression-screening-recommendation/
Doctors should screen all adults for depression, task force recommends – “The recommendations by the task force, an independent expert panel, update its 2009 advice in two important ways: First, everyone 18 and older should be screened, the panel said – and not just at clinics where systems are in place to connect at-risk individuals to mental health care. Second, primary care doctors should screen women who are pregnant or have recently given birth, two groups not included in earlier recommendations.”

==> hope this general screening decreases fast the mental illness stigma among the public …

OP: Best wishes and best of luck to you and to your son. Hope you find the best possible solution.

We were not as lucky because it came as a total surprise when he was in the 2nd year in college. Our handling of it was also disastrous. After the first occurrence he took the medical leave, the doctor’s diagnosis was depression and prescribed antidepressants which he stayed with for a year. Then after returning, finished another year, a relapse during the next year (he quit taking med sometime before this relapse – the med probably wasn’t good anyway), and this time he was correctly diagnosed as bipolar. Our handling was complicated because of inexperience/unpreparedness and stigma (we denied it for a few months before finally accepting it and seeking help) and certain external/school needs (to continue to do well at the same school). If we could go back, I would first have (1) a power of attorney signed when he was agreeable (because having MI, a disagreeable personality of patient can get in the way big time, everything is up to him, refusing medication, keeping hospitalization secret from us…), and (2) transfer out of that school fast (because the environment was good for triggering relapse --chronic sleep deprivation, extreme stress, drug, small school atmosphere where everybody knows his condition, etc.). I’m not sure what the PoA will do in my situation, but at least when he is hospitalized or when he is in trouble with law, etc., we can intervene. Our hands are completely tied now. I just wish he accepts this reality and focus on how to manage it – he is denying it and refusing med. Once turning 18, the patient’s personality and temperament can make a huge difference in the treatment because of the protection by law of the patient’s rights which doesn’t give a ■■■■ about family or community.

On a separate note, there is no scientific problem bigger than human brain research, much much bigger than the size of universe (max possible connectivity of neurons at 10^10^11 = 10 to the power of 100 Billion, compared to the less than 10^82 atoms in this whole universe; the simplest organism with 300 neurons, C-elegans, can have 10^90 possible connections (actual count is only about 7,600, not 10^90, giving us hope in human brain with 100B neurons)). There is no bigger medical research problem than human brain, much much bigger than all cancers combined – in view of the size of the adult population affected by mental illness, the lifelong duration of suffering once MI is diagnosed/started, the number of family members suffering/affected by one person’s illness, and the tendency of this illness to break apart the family bonds (in our experience). There is no other (physical) disease that has this damaging characteristics as the human brain disorder.

39

I’m not sure school size is the deciding factor. I went to a community college of 25K, and I made a pretty good friend network on campus, even with my autism. I now go to a university of similar size, and I don’t know anyone. I wouldn’t discount the likelihood of making friends just on school size alone.

40

I don’t know what other think and it may not matter, but I would think it might be better to have his transcript reflect W’s but not F’s. Less transcript to fix or explain. Many kids leave high school (or middle school) for periods of time, and “homeschool”, which can include “unschooling” favored by some (unstructured). I am not saying “hide” the illness, I am just saying, the less bureaucratic details to address the better.

Home tutoring by public schools is notoriously terrible and we avoided it as well. The online program sounds like a great idea because it can be self-paced to some degree. Hope it was even enjoyable at times.

Recommendations from outside of school are really really valuable. Since he did classes online and wasn’t in the school, outside recommendations should absolutely be allowed. I think this is really key in his applications and if a school doesn’t have an obvious way to do it, I would call admissions at each school and ask how to do it, and say that your son was out of the high school and a letter from this extracurricular mentor or teacher would really help get across who he is.

Once they turn 18, we have less control, and even for a 17 year-old, I saw no point in making sure meds were taken and I told my child that. She was on the streets one summer, two hospitalizations, lots of problems, one year at college then a withdrawal, community college with accommodations and some withdrawals etc. etc. But when the kids (and we parents) really “get” it, the right meds are found, and compliance finally happens, things can improve to an unexpected degree. For our child this process took 4 years and though I can see mistakes made, I try to think that the hard times are now essential in maintaining the good times.