<p>I’m right with all of you. I don’t even know sometimes what I’m so worried about! Of course my D will go to a wonderful school and do wonderful things. She’s going to be fine.</p>
<p>I think there is an inherent stress in this particular process that wears on everyone. I always knew this was going to be the hardest month, but I didn’t think it would be this emotional. I, too, don’t want to “wish” the year away. But this is often the hardest time anyway, with winter dragging and really still a lot of work to do.</p>
<p>Good luck to everyone - it sounds like we’re traveling much the same path: to a great destination, but with many jagged cliffs along the way.</p>
<p>It definitely <em>is</em> super challenging, as a parent, to watch as all the training, experience and passion our kids have had over the last 16-18 years is put to the test in a 90-second audition, while their peers are evaluated on a more complete picture, including grades, test scores and such. They get evaluated and their future at college is decided based on a <em>body</em> of work, whereas our kids (in the college audition process and beyond) are being evaluated and their futures (in the sense of where they will attend college) are being decided based on the few minutes they have to show the auditors who they are and what they can do. The whole thing was made worse (for me) by parents of other kids who are not performers who seemed to (in general) assume that performers are not that smart, auditioning was a fun activity, and so on. From time to time, I would throw out a comment about how it was tougher to get into a top BFA program for MT or acting than it is for the average kid to get into an top university or college (even Ivy League) but I don’t think they ever believed me.</p>
<p>All we can do (as another, smarter-than-me parent suggested a few years ago) is to support our kids and be their “soft place to land” when things don’t go as they hoped, which for most of them is going to happen (both in the college process and in life and certainly, for absolutely certain, in their careers as performers.) That means taking a step back emotionally (as challenging to do as that is, and it sure iS) and not getting upset ourselves because a program, or a director, or whatever, is “rejecting” our kid. If we stay constant and positive that they <em>will</em> end up at a place that is right for them, it can be very reassuring, indeed, for the student.</p>
<p>Reading this thread makes me recall going through the auditions and notifications last year with DS. I really underestimated how emotionally entangled this process became for me. Normally a sound sleeper, I would lie in bed awake through the night wondering “what if …”, despite knowing things at that point were well out of our hands. It really was “the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat” with each notification - suprisingly more so for me than for DS. </p>
<p>I took a lot of comfort from CC and the experiences posted here. NMR is right - we’re a small, vitual community that have no relation to the experiences of other parents following a traditional academic college selection process. Best of luck to all of you parents going through this now … it really does get better after the Spring Equinox!</p>
<p>Its comforting to know I am not the only one losing sleep and stressing (all internally, quietly or here) over this stuff. I think, like the pain of childbirth, we can intellectually know that this will be tough but until we are in the midst of it we just don’t really know. </p>
<p>Wishing everyone grace and fortitude as we support our kids through this. I know they will all wind up on the path they need to be on but I hope its not too bumpy getting there.</p>
<p>Oh the loss of sleep and there’s 6 weeks to go! As my friend once said to me “it’s a marathon not a sprint”. She said this is only the beginning of the rejection process. Keep breathing! ;)</p>
<p>"But hey, here’s to us, too!! We are not only the organizers, the managers, the drivers, and the wallets – we have to be the shoulders, the pragmatists, the optimists…sometimes it’s kinda hard, ya know? </p>
<p>Guess the stress is wearing thin on me more than I really want to admit."</p>
<p>I’m right there with ya’ll. I’m not really used to this level of ANXIETY, since I’m usually a positive person. I appreciate all the good ideas from those who have been through this and survived (!) before us. Group Hug to all the parents-who-wait. (The D is def doing better than I am! Give me a task to do…)</p>
<p>Brainless task for this week: fixing up my iTunes library, downloading stuff I can’t believe I’m missing like Blonde on Blonde, a few Laura Nyro and Joni Mitchell songs, and Tina Turner’s “Undercover Agent for the Blues,” and I’m doing a little better. Throw in a little Lyle Lovett and Curtis Mayfield, and now I’m cooking… </p>
<p>(Got to work on my novel-in-progress and my blog, but that takes far more creative thinking and energy than I can handle these days :>/ I suspect many of you are in the same brain-drain mode…)</p>
<p>I just spent two straight days at professional conferences … plus have been following the intense political situation here … I can’t say these were “nicer” than worrying about the college app process, but they have taken my mind off of it!</p>
<p>Yes, EB, demanding work like yours can be a good distraction fom personal issues. Ups the stress level, though. Hope you have a good outlet for yourself so you don’t internalize all of it (one of my many problems!). You need to stay healthy.</p>
<p>The hardest time is right now - just another week and a half and we’ll move into “wait mode.” App work was stressful, and waiting will be hard. Getting rejections will be a rough time. But February and auditions is just plain exhausting. I have definitely found a few of my physical and emotional limits these past few weeks. But it’s transient.</p>
<p>D goes day to day, trying to keep streamlined. I’m glad she’s in a play right now that is fun, and not an overload. She did cancel one activity that was putting her over the top this week. I’m glad of that.</p>
<p>I am so sorry for your letters, the only reason we have not received any rejections is because my d auditioned for only a few schools and I do not think they have sent out their letters yet! She auditioned for Julliard, and did so with no expectations of getting a call back…and indeed did not. My heart breaks when I think of what lies ahead of her (and my s, he is on the same path) but their passion for this overrides everything. I keep telling her she has one more audition, has 2 acceptances to completely different types of programs and she will find her “home.” The numbers are so tough, but that is the reality of this type of life… But it is reassuring to know that there are other parents out there with the stress I am feeling…</p>
<p>Oh. I wish I could reassure all of you that this gets better. But it doesn’t. We went through this a few years back. My D ended up getting into several schools (UCLA, Cal Arts, Emerson, CCM, UCSB and UCI.) But the ones she didn’t get into hurt (NYU the most.) In the end, she chose UCLA, where she is finishing up her sophomore year. But these are only the beginning of the auditions. These programs are competitive. And your kids will face auditions for college shows, and more often than not, won’t get cast, or will get cast in small roles. The days of being the “stars” of their programs are over. They will become little fish in big ponds. Looking back, I realize the college audition process prepared my D for the disappointments and politics of college casting. And I’m sure college casting will, in turn, prepare her for the inevitable challenges of casting in the real world. So, although it is no small comfort to you when you are drying those weepy eyes, these experiences build tough skin, determination, and understanding. And I do believe that kids end up where they are supposed to be. My D has done nine student films since she got to UCLA. This is perfect for her, as she wishes to do film and television. In the end, your stars will end up where then need to be… and stronger for the experience.</p>
<p>Thanks, chrissyblu! You said what I attempted to say above (that rejection is something they need to learn to deal with because it continues into college and beyond) much better than I did.</p>
<p>D recently auditioned for USC this fall theater program just got a very nice handwritten note from one of the interviewers saying “thank you for taking the time to audition for us” is this a good sign or bad ie thanks but no thanks or do they send out to everyone who auditions . Im getting nervous for her</p>
<p>Three rejections at this point and I’m starting to freak out. I still have nine schools to hear back from…but of course it had to be two of the schools that were my top choices first. I hate this whole process, I devoted so much time and effort to preparing for auditions over the last few months and it could all be for nothing. =/</p>
<p>It’s definitely tough. Like a rollercoaster in our home. Our D was rejected by Purchase, which she took in stride considering the long odds there. Then she got rejected by Point Park right after that. But the same day she got the PP letter, she found out she had been accepted at Marymount Manhattan, and then today, she was accepted (with a scholarship) to UArts. You just have to hang in there. We’re starting to realize that this is somewhat of a subjective process.</p>
<p>I mean, we can see how schools can easily recognize their top choices, and we can see how they can easily tell which kids maybe don’t have the experience to survive the rigors of a BFA acting program. But how in the world can they sort through the largest group: those kids who are good but all about the same level of good when it comes to their auditions?</p>
<p>Is it really fair to decide a kids’ fate during a 5 or 6 minute audition? I guess you just have to roll with the punches and do your best. For more than a month now, we’ve kept asking our D this question: “Do you feel that you prepared well and did your very best?” She always answers “yes,” and then we always tell her: “well, that’s all you can do and we’re very proud of you.”</p>
<p>Today at BU, all of this really came into perspective when Michael Kay, a professor who did a wonderful info session for parents and students summed it up this way: “No matter what happens during your auditions, one thing is for certain: NO ONE can tell you that you can’t be an actor. No one can keep you from becoming an artist.”</p>
<p>It’s tough Nalajen. We feel for you and your D. But hang in there and keep reminding her that much of this is beyond her control, and if she really wants to be an actor, NO ONE can keep her from doing that.</p>
<p>I remember well the roller coaster ups and downs, stresses and anxieties from when my daughter was auditioning for college programs. I’ve watched her over the last 4 years audition for school shows every semester and get cast some semesters and not others. I’ve seen her get rejected at summer stock auditions and get cast at others. More recently as a senior preparing to venture out into the real world I observed as she was rejected for her senior showcase in NYC because, as she later learned, the outside casting director for the showcase couldn’t “type” her and figure out how she would fit into the mix he was putting together. I’ve watched as she has auditioned for professional theater and not get cast twice and get cast in a third show as the understudy to the principal with a guaranteed performance date only to have the performance date cancelled after weeks of rehearsal when the show went dark that night (for reasons wholly unrelated to my daughter and out of her control). This business is indeed an emotional roller coaster filled with vagaries and unpredictable outcomes. </p>
<p>The most important thing we can do as parents is help our kids develop and maintain a philosophical perspective. It’s tough, particularly since any rejection can feel so personalized - is it my talent, my ability, my looks? The reality is, it’s usually none of those things. Our kids have worked and trained hard to get to where they are. They must have some modicum of talent or they wouldn’t have achieved what they have thus far. And I bet none of our kids look like The Creature From The Black Lagoon either (anyone remember that old “B” horror movie) :). The reality is that rejections are always subjective, based on someone else’s perceptions and preconceived notions over which you have absolutely no control. As long as you bring your best to each audition and opportunity, are prepared and focused, more times than not, the rejection is not about you but is about the other person. You can control the former but not the latter. And you can control how you respond to each disappointment. Do you let it attack your core or do you analyze it, determine if there is something to learn from it and then move on. Tough to do, I know, but so important to finding your way as a performer. </p>
<p>Another thing that I think we as parents should encourage in our kids is to have balance in their lives. Have activities and interests in which they are invested outside of theater. This can not only provide a basis for a sense of self, independent of theater, but can provide a release, an escape from the pressure cooker, a place to land and recharge batteries, a place to just have fun. My daughter is serious about making it as a performer and has mapped out an initial 2 year post graduation game plan that she intends to follow. At the same time, she has turned her love of working out (she has always been a gym rat) into a whole other dimension of her life. She got certified as a spinning instructor and now teaches 6 spinning classes a week. She is getting certified as a personal trainer. She works as an MC and dancer for an entertainment company that does Bar and Bat Mitzvahs (where she started at 15). She works as a “day of” assistant to a wedding planner. All of this has given her the opportunity to develop competencies in areas that are not theater and to interact with people outside of theater. Her community of relationships extends beyond the theater world. As a result, even though her primary focus is performing and getting cast, the rejections don’t sting as much.</p>
<p>For those who are at the beginning of the college process, going through the audition season, waiting with anticipation and anxiety for decisions, some of what I am recounting my seem remote to where you are now, my daughter having gotten into a BFA program and preparing to graduate while you are still waiting for the acceptances. But it is all a continuum. The cycle of insecurities, doubts, rejections and hopefully successes and accomplishments become a way of life. So too must the strategies of keeping balance and perspective.</p>