Make it more of his problem. Right now, when he goes out,99% of the time he will be fine. Its that 1% he has to be prepared for. Teens are notorious for not being able to consider the level of danger.
So make it his problem if he forgets it. Tell him that you want him to be able to go to Jamaica and to college, but that he has to be able to have his epipen with him at all times as the environment will be much less controlled as it has been growing up. So to prepare for that, you want him to have his epipen with him at all times now.
Say that if he forgets once, then you will interrupt what he is doing and bring it to him.
if he forgets a second time, then he has to come home from the activity.
Tell him you don’t want to punish him, but if he can remember any time where he has eaten the allergen and how bad that was,…you want to prevent that. But he has to take charge.
Also have a checklist for him…Phone? Check. Epipen? Check. Wallet? Check. Keys? Check.
Have him brainstorm how he can carry everything. Cargo pants? Something that attaches to his belt? Backpack?
Keep in mind that for Jamaica that the epipen might get hot…so he might want a frio pack or somethign to keep it at the right temperature.
OP, I feel your pain. Mine takes a highly reactive medicine that keeps him from full sun, and he wanted to spend two weeks hiking in New Mexico with friends at 17. I said show me that you are ready in the next week. And of course, he still failed to wear the hat, the sunscreen,etc, so I said “Nope, you aren’t ready”. Like an anaphylatic reaction, we are talking life threatening here, so it’s hard to just hope for the best.
It is the hardest thing in the world, and I hope he learns to take care of himself properly. Keep working at it, with an eye towards him having ownership and responsibility. For the record, my son’s best friend is VERY allergic and when he forgot his epipen, I made him call his mom, who brought it over, and we pulled him from the group to give it to him. We did that two more times before he remembered on his own.
The problem is that as they learn to take responsibility, they make mistakes. And it take a bad situation to really “get it.” For those of us who have kid with life-threatening problems, it is a dilemma. What I do know that our children cannot be by our side forever.
I tell my kid that engineers think about worst case scenarios. If they didn’t we would have more bridges and buildings collapsing. With medical issues like this, our kids need to think like engineers.
Unfortunately they are at an age of denial and feelings of invulnerability.
Denial- for sure. Feelings of invulnerability- absolutely. But practicing when the stakes are low (i.e. kid is in middle school, so parent is driving, nagging, is the backstop every time you leave the house) is a good way to train the muscles to take over by HS. I know a college kid with CF; boy, is that disease time-intensive to manage. His parents started transitioning responsibility for the regular stuff early; he was clearly ready to move away for college although I’m sure their hearts were in their mouths.
OP- what does your son want? To move out after he graduates from college? Then let him know (lovingly) that he’s got a couple of months to prove to you that he is fully in control of his own care. And that showing you that he’s stepped up is the next step.
I have a cousin who has a severe peanut allergy. A couple thoughts:
With regard to airlines, CALL AHEAD. Most airlines will in fact be willing to accommodate and ask passengers NOT to open anything with peanuts either within a several row radius of your student or on the entire plane. The airlines do not want an emergency at 30,000 feet any more than you do.
It is absolutely reasonable to expect a teenager to carry a small bag everywhere. I agree with @twoinanddone that if teens can remember to carry their phones everywhere, they can carry their epipens everywhere. My husband sometimes carries a “murse” (man purse) if he has several items. There are a lot of styles, with the messenger bag/satchel and the day pack being two of the most popular, and a lot of them are very handsome. I would have him throw in his phone, his epi, and some guaranteed safe snacks so he doesn’t get tempted to eat, say, a cookie or granola bar with questionable ingredients.
Best wishes to your son on his trip! Sounds exciting!
IME American Airlines and United Airlines will not make any accommodations for a peanut allergy. We just flew United two weeks ago. They said it violates your privacy to announce there is a peanut allergy on board.
American Airlines allows pre-board if you have a peanut allergy (announced Nov 2018). My S flew American from west coast to east coast last week and pre-boarded with no issues.
@Rivet2000 what good does pre board do if the person seated next to you has a peanut butter sandwich as a snack? Not sure how that solves the allergy problem. Could you explain?
My son is a huge baseball fan. Peanuts and baseball go together. We’ve never had an issue asking people to be careful with shells, and it’s easy to carry some wipes to clean the seat. I’ll admit the scariest day of my life was the first time he went to a game on his own, but he’s done it a zillion times now and knows he has to be careful. His friends know the drill, too. Finding restaurants where he and his friend with celiac can both eat is always a treat!
I don’t have any personal experience with food allergies. But based on things I’ve heard from friends or read, I recommend that your son take some safe food along on his trip and, if he wants to eat food prepared in restaurants or in people’s homes, that he be prepared to grill (no pun intended) the restaurant staff or hosts about the contents of the food.
The allergist’s office is going to get him an Auvi-Q so he has something a bit smaller and give him a letter for the plane.
I had a good, long talk with ds yesterday about the risks. It has been so long since he had a reaction, that he doesn’t remember them. So I just retold stories of previous reactions he’s had and shared 2 stories I’d read about teenagers who ate something they had reason to think was safe, had a deadly reaction, and died because the epipen was not available. (One girl was driven home to get the epi, but ran out of time.)
I gave him some of the ideas you shared and asked him to come up with a plan for always having it with him. He seemed to take me seriously, so hopefully we can use these next few months as a training ground.
@thumper1 Pre-board allow my S the ability to get in his seat and wipe down the tray and arm rests. That reduces to possibility of ingesting peanut products (ie tray to hand to mouth). Someone having a peanut butter sandwich in the next seat is concerning but as long as he doesn’t expect a hand shake it’s OK.
Our son’s travel rules of thumb:
Know your destination and identify a few 100% safe options.
If English in not widely spoken, get some allergy cards in the native language
Street food and in home meals are risky even if staff say “It’s OK”. Be skeptical.
Many resort restaurants can accommodate peanut allergies. Email ahead and ask.
Travel with 4 epipens, wipes to clean airplane tray, and lots of snacks
If you will be having any airport layovers, check what is available in advance (use your snacks if needed).
Someone having a peanut butter sandwich close by would definitely cause my daughter to have a reaction. Southwest announces if there is a peanut allergy on board and asks everyone to abstain from peanut products during the flight. On other airlines she asks the people around her directly.
@MaterS Good point, some are that sensitive, and yes, my S has asked people if they could hold off on eating their peanuts. He has also asked the flight attendant for help in swapping seats when his neighbor could not postpone his peanut consumption.
@jazzymomof7 What snacks he takes is a function of where he is going. Last week he flew San Francisco to Dallas to Washington Dulles (a full day of flying). The connection in Dallas was tight so picking up food there was not an option. Additionally, his arrival time in Washington was 1 AM, so food options then were problematic. He ate at SFO just before his first flight, and he took a few of his regular snacks: Pop Tarts, Goldfish, and Doritos. BTW, he always (always, always, always) reads the complete ingredient list even on snacks he has used in the past as ingredients sometimes change and what was once safe is no longer safe). On longer (vacation) flights we have taken much more: fresh fruit, cheeses, dried salami, etc. Some of the food can not be imported into your destination, but some can. Check import rules.
Your son and mine have the same diet! Lots of Pop Tarts, Goldfish and Doritos, as well as Ritz crackers. The kids lives on well-labeled processed food!