<p>Hello, forum. I'm new here, and judging by the threads I've reviewed here over the years as a hidden reader, I assume some of you are able to help me. Allow me *try*to keep things painfully simple:</p>
<p>(important parts are in bold)</p>
<p>Albeit the qualities my peers and mentors confidently point out on a regular basis, I don't know what they're talking about, and I can't seem to stop everyone from approaching me on these qualities.</p>
<p>The big problem here is that too many people I respect are telling me to apply to really-top universities for my graduate school studies. I don't have the credentials (It takes more than grades to get into these places. I didn't even publish a research paper yet.) to do so, at this point, and I don't know how to explain this to the people who are pressuring me to complete tasks I don't feel I'm capable of completing. </p>
<p>I just want everyone to stop it with the praise for simple tasks, but I want to make them stop without having to become completely silent. I want everyone to only take my enthusiasm as my urge to learn, not my ability to be in a lab coat.</p>
<p>I'm desperate at this point. I've been trying to ignore this for years now. I never wanted anyone to expect anything astronomical out of me. I need it to stop for the sake of my sanity. I just want to be left alone right now, and I don't want to look arrogant and stupid as I let people know.</p>
<p>All I want to know is what I should do to continue to handle this pressure or completely eradicate it somehow. The second I don't reach a position these people expect me to be in within the next decade, I will look like a failure.</p>
<p>Any ideas?</p>
<p>You don’t have to publish a paper to get into graduate school (most undergraduates have not published a paper).</p>
<p>First of all, let me say that mentors telling you to aim high is something to listen to. If these are professors in your field, they know what the pool of applicants look like and maybe you are in the top percentage that stands a chance. Some mentors can be overly realistic and encourage too many people to apply to top schools, but on the whole professors have an ear to the ground when it comes to their field.</p>
<p>I think that you should not bite the hand that advises you, as it were. If you don’t know what they’re talking about, ask them. Ask them what it is about your particular skill set and accomplishments that makes them so sure that you can get into top-ranked universities in your field. If they say a nebulous general “You’re just a great student,” then that’s a red flag that they’re handing this stuff out, but if they can give you some more concrete reasons for their hope in your success, maybe you should stop running away from them and start listening to them. After all, you do want to go to graduate school, yes?</p>
<p>As for the others, there’s no gracious way to stay “stop praising me.” You can say something like “Thank you for your input, but I’d really appreciate not discussing this topic any further.” Or “I’m not really sure what I want to do.” If it’s peers you can always lie and say “Oh, I changed my mind about that; I’m planning to do something else” and not elaborate any further.</p>
<p>I can relate to you, MrSpock. I applied to schools this year and the only ones recommended to me by my undergrad and my current advisor (prof at an ivy school) were tippy top ones that I couldn’t imagine getting into. it was also awkward at work because all the grad students there had obviously been really successful getting into schools and expected I’d apply to the same list they had. I ended up applying to a pretty broad range of schools that had profs I was interested in, didn’t get into all of them (had to deal with the shocked looks of people at work…), but I did get into some equally good ones that I didn’t expect to. </p>
<p>so don’t shy away from the top programs, you might surprise yourself! but it can never hurt to apply to a bunch of safeties too, and just don’t bring up the topic of grad school around other people at your school if you can help it…</p>
<p>ps- most people that get into great grad schools haven’t been published yet</p>