<p>My annual proselytizing to new BS parents at this time of year:</p>
<p>How parents react to news of the rejection or acceptance of their child is almost as important as the news itself (maybe more important). Usually, this is the child's first time being exposed to a material, emotionally charged acceptance or rejection. Most of these kids are high performers and used to success with most things they touch. Most of the parents are also Type-A, competitive and high achieving. </p>
<p>Every child sees this first rejection (or the purgatory of a WL) as a material failure. The emotions, including self-doubt, are significant. A large percentage of kids will see themselves through their parents' eyes when they open that envelope or read an email; they will cue off their parents' reactions - lasting impressions get made in an instant. This is the time to make SURE whatever the news, it's put in a healthy context.</p>
<p>Take the opportunity now to discuss how the [insert your family's name] handle failure and success, or view what's really important in life and what's not, or exercise resilience and persistence, or display balance etc or, if the news is good, handle celebration in the context of modesty and demonstrate sensitivity to other kids who didn't get such good news.</p>
<p>A bit of planning now, and a careful control of your own reactions on game day, will pay excellent child rearing dividends!!</p>
<p>Last year, a frequent poster here (neato maybe? not sure . . .) suggested going out to dinner the night before (M9) to celebrate the journey, and to expressly let your child know how proud you are of them, regardless of the news on M10. Verbalize your support of and belief in your child, so that they have that in their head <em>before</em> the decisions come in!</p>
<p>This past weekend was our local day school admission weekend, and so many seriously amazing kids got waitlisted or rejected–exceptionally smart, athletic, it didn’t matter, there just wasn’t space for all these great kids. For some, the day schools were merely an insurance policy for boarding, but we are already seeing some shattered confidences in town. Those who only applied to boarding are really nervous, So, support your kids no matter what–they work so hard and the social issues they face sound a lot more difficult than what we had pre technology.</p>
<p>Make “It’s their loss” become your mantra. Follow your child’s cues. If your child wants to rip up a rejection letter into tiny shreds, let him or her. And then repeat above mantra.</p>
<p>Above all, love the school that loves your child. Every acceptance is a home run, even if it wasn’t your first choice originally.</p>
<p>Agree Parlabane. These kids will look at their parents’ reactions to see how they should think about themselves and the news. A fleeting look of disappointment or flash of anger will send an unfortunate message.</p>
<p>I’m not sure you have to “blame” anything or anyone. We’re trying so hard to teach our kids that things aren’t always “fair,” and that as long as they gave it their best shot, even when outcomes aren’t what they hope/desire, things have a way of working out for the best in spite of the initial disappointment. </p>
<p>Plus - you never know what might be around the corner that’s even better than what you had planned! Our DS applied to two schools last year - he was waitlisted at Exeter, and declined at Choate. This year, he applied to four schools - and neither of the schools he applied to last year made the final cut this year. We ended up with a list of schools that would be a <em>much</em> better fit for him - so in hindsight, he’s glad that the decisions turned out the way it did last M10. (He’s fortunate in that he’s already been accepted to one of the four schools, which has rolling admission, so not matter what happens on M10, he knows he will be attending a great school next fall.)</p>
<p>Being the “bad” parents that we are, neither of my kids had cell phones until March 10 of the year they applied to Boarding School. It was kind of a “reward” for them - we are proud of you no matter what and you now have “earned” it. Cell phones first then we checked the emails and the mail together (much discussion about THAT last year!) and were prepared to celebrate or console together.</p>
<p>@Linda S I would love to read parents’ thoughts about opening letters/reading email together vs. not…any chance you recall where we can see that exchange? If not, anyone have any thoughts on the topic?</p>
<p>My SO is the emotionally charged one in the process. I find managing that, much more tenuous then managing my child’s expectations. My plan, for now, is to personally collect all decisions and look at them as a collective as a family as opposed to seeing them one by one. As we see through this thread, you really need to review it as a package. There are so many things that go into the process… if the grades are there, does your child have what the school is looking for this year?, how does the school’s concern toward yield play into the process, will your school counselor play a role in the process.</p>
<p>Schoolparent - it was last spring and in the general prep school admissions forum I beleive. Let me search. There were so many disagreements - mostly between kids and parents - about how to open them. As I said, we veiwed it as a FAMILY process and opened them all as a family.</p>
<p>In our house, it was son’s decision. It was his effort, his choice, his moments. Plus, we don’t open mail not addressed to us under any circumstances. We did not receive copies of decision e-mails either, so we didn’t even have the option of “accidentally” knowing what the decisions were before he did. He handled each calmly with excitement tempered by the secure knowledge that rejections would be no reflection on him personally.</p>
<p>I should clarify that when I say we opened “together” I mean my children physically opened the mail. We were simply there with them when they did it.</p>
<p>Thanks, all. I actually “stumbled upon” my child’s acceptance last year when I tried to test the online logon first thing. Not knowing what else to do, I called her/him downstairs from brushing her/his teeth and presented her/him with my laptop screen :)</p>
<p>At the end of the day, she/he arrived home from school while I was at work and called me with good news/FA packages while I was sitting at my desk…kind of a hard call to get while on the job so I left early and came home.</p>
<p>I guess we should have pre-planned a little better but we have fun/funny memories about the day.</p>
<p>One year later I am in the same boat with another child but plan on being more prepared…I just don’t think I’ll be able to keep myself from “accidently” logging on while he/she sleeps in on a Saturday!</p>
<p>Andover’s Dean Blog from this time last year, has a good piece on what “rejection” does and does not mean. I wonder if they will send it out again to all applicants via email like they have in years past.</p>