Happy 1st kid in boarding school, now what about kid #2?

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
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<p>Any parent with more than one kid can probably agree that each one has different needs, and what fits the first may be entirely wrong for the second. Our first is now happily at boarding school, wanted to attend, and is thriving. That said, he did have to give up some cherished ECs he had been pursuing at home, but the whole boarding school environment more than makes up for that. He is learning more than he ever could at home, and so we are big fans of boarding school... for HIM. He didn't aim for HADES, so our search was probably different than for most readers here, but we couldn't be happier with his choice. It really is all about fit.</p>

<p>Now child #2 is quite different; so much so, that it seems my experience in the first go-around is nearly useless in trying to figure out what is best for her. She is extremely self-motivated, a stellar student, and currently at an excellent private day school. She, too, is pursuing much-loved ECs that would have to be dropped if she were to attend boarding school. I actually hadn't been considering BS for her at all, until I mentioned her interest in attending Oxford (her idea) to a consultant friend. The friend, whose child attended a top boarding school, feels that for our D to be considered at Oxford (or equivalent), she really needs the education a top boarding school could give her. </p>

<p>Right now, she's at an IB school in middle school, and her current track would lead her to graduate with a bilingual IB. This school does have some kids go on to Ivies and is no slouch school, but I'm really not sure if it could compare to HADES, rigorous bilingual IB nothwithstanding. Again, she'd have to give up cherished ECs. She is open to all possibilities, and I don't want to do her a disservice through parental ignorance. We have some time to figure this out, as she wouldn't be applying this year anyway.</p>

<p>Any advice? As smart as she is, I wonder about the value of yanking her from where she is doing well, yet her school does have a bullying problem, so we are not entirely enamored with it, though she is managing on that. Why is it that the nice, hardworking, bright kids often have such a hard time fitting in in middle school? I also wonder about those that get into HADES only to find that, among superstars, they are not as bright as they thought and their self-esteem takes a hard whack...maybe she will be one of those superstars, but who knows. And what happens to those bright kids at HADES that do <em>not</em> end up in the top half of their class, and are not athletes, legacies, URMs, etc? </p>

<p>Sorry for the long ramble...this board has been so helpful with kid #1, and I feel so 'fish out of water' with kid #2, who is an entirely different animal (to mix metaphors). Thanks!!</p>

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<p>2kidsnoanswers- I think I would consider keeping child #2 home. Although I will be eternally grateful to the CHADES school that rescued my children with no good local option, I’m kind of in the “if it’s not broken don’t fix it” camp. I don’t know any students currently attending Oxford, so I don’t know if it’s necessarily true that going to a big name prep school would help with that…</p>

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<p>I don’t think one model fits all students. If she’s flourishing at her current school, I see no reason to change schools. </p>

<p>Does she express an interest in boarding school? (Note: NOT an interest in a certain college or career track, way down the pike. Let’s keep the focus on high school.) As her older sibling attends a boarding school, she probably knows better than you what life is like for a BS student. Siblings often share details parents don’t know. </p>

<p>If she’s in 7th grade, it would be appropriate to ask her in the spring if she has any interest in boarding. If she’s curious, there’s no harm in starting the process for her–only if she’s interested, though.</p>

<p>So few students attend Oxford from American schools, I don’t think anyone can say a student “must” do x,y,or z. I’ve found the Oxford University admissions site online. Here’s the page with the requirements for international students: [International</a> Qualifications - University of Oxford](<a href=“http://www.ox.ac.uk/admissions/undergraduate_courses/international_applicants/international_qualifications/index.html]International”>International qualifications | University of Oxford). For US applicants, at present: </p>

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<p>If anything, I would say that an IB school would be a better choice to apply to Oxford, as she’s already prepping for the IB. </p>

<p>She’s doing very well in school, she cherishes her ECs, she’s preparing for what is her current dream university (although that may change,) and she can live at home. Why would you want to mess with success?</p>

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<p>If kid#2 can manage the bullying, then I would have her stay put. I also think an IB degree will be more conducive for pursing Oxford.</p>

<p>If the bullying is not manageable, then the other options are to consider are:

  • another day school (IB or not), or
  • boarding school (IB or not)</p>

<p>The boarding school need not be the same as kid#1’s school, but you may need to juggle the logistics.</p>

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<p>Thank you, BSR, Periwinkle, and GMT; good advice. At this point, it is watchful waiting, particularly on the ‘mean girl’ front at the current school. </p>

<p>I never thought we’d be looking at boarding schools for #1, yet the choice became clear as could be when the time came. Like BSR, we will be eternally grateful to boarding school for giving him what he couldn’t find locally.</p>

<p>The idea of asking her in due course what she thinks of the boarding school path is a sound one…though DH would probably shoot me for it, as I think he’d go into withdrawal seeing her fly the coop.</p>

<p>It can be so hard to figure out what is ‘best’ for one’s kids. We thought we knew what was best for our first, only to be proved utterly wrong. I am now far more humble and unsure, except to say I’ve learned to try to listen…hard…to the child.</p>

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<p>Just a thought on Perwinkle’s very good question, “Why would you want to mess with success.” It seems to boil down to wanting to provide the best peer and mentoring environment for her. I’ve now seen what boarding schools can do - the constant immersion among motivated, engaging peers, along with inspiring teachers, an amazing advisory experience, and a culture where it is cool to get good grades and aspire to a promising future. Life-long friendships, being extremely well prepared for being independent and hit the ground running when college comes along, etc…the gifts of a good boarding school experience are great. </p>

<p>Maybe we’ll keep #2 at home, but there is no doubt in my mind that the peer culture at the right boarding school makes the local school look rather lackluster in comparison.</p>

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<p>I also think an IB background is superb preparation for an application to Oxford. The description of your daughter as self-motivated is key to me. BS teaches students to work hard and manage their time well, no doubt about that. If you don’t need that kind of immersion training then a good day school can offer the same academic opportunity. </p>

<p>The peer culture at the right boarding school can be amazing. It can also be a tough row to hoe for a lot of kids, socially in particular. If your IB school is not creating a climate where it is cool to be smart and aspirational, though, that is another story IMO.</p>

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<p>Like 2kids, we have our older child happy at a BS, and our younger one doing well in 7th grade at a local day school. Also two very different kids, though both relatively high performing. Since younger girl is a fencer who intends on continuing with the sport in HS (at least right now she does), this changes our “consider” set dramatically. </p>

<p>SAS may still be in the mix (though younger daughter wants “to blaze her own trail”), but right now Masters and Emma W are strong contenders…will be interesting to see where it all nets out over the next year or so.</p>

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<p>SevenDad, I’ve heard good things about Masters, but I was under the impression that it was heavily skewed to day students? Friends who visited recently said it was about 2/3 day students, and a quick check on boarding school review shows, if I read the stats correctly, that about half of those would be international students. That could be a plus, for a kid who wants exposure to a broad range of cultures, but I’d also wonder if there might be a big divide between boarders/day students and international/US students. </p>

<p>As for fencing: As far as I am aware Emma does not have a fencing program; however, if your daughter is serious about fencing, and there is a program/team or fencing master available within a reasonable distance, it may be possible for her to do a “practicum” in fencing. Our dd has a friend who is currently doing an archery practicum after school hours, since Emma does not have an archery program and archery is a passion of this particular young woman.</p>

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<p>Good luck to you, 7dad, as you go through the process. I was impressed with your approach to all of this with child #1, and so I am sure you will do great by child #2. There seem to be so many moving parts in middle school, and kids are changing and growing so fast.</p>

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<p>@GGM: Re: Masters…I know that it’s more day students (going against my bias towards mostly or all-boarding BSs), but the upsides (great fencing program, close to home, close to NYC…no Saturday classes sched would allow her to go to Manhattan for lessons/training, etc.) seem to outweigh the downsides. I’ll reach out to them in the Spring.</p>

<p>Re: Emma…have already reached out to the school regarding the do-ability of pursuing elite level fencing and they seem open to it via the Practicum program as you mentioned. Apparently there are already a few fencers at Emma, but they are saber fencers (and the closest club is in fact, a saber-oriented club), but there is a multi-weapon club not so far away…will also pursue this more seriously come Spring. </p>

<p>We are also very open to having FencingDaughter stay at her local day school…which has been closed for over a week due to the storm.</p>

<p>@2kids: I’m sure I’ll share the complete story of our second BS search/application process down the road, along with tapping the resources of the forum as needed!</p>

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<p>Maybe a bit late as a reply… but if you’re considering Oxford (I’m assuming you mean England) have you considered boarding her overseas? There are a lot of great public (top private not state-run) boarding schools that have dedicated 6th Form intakes, so she could go for her final two years, and do IB or A levels. Even though extra-curriuculars do not matter to Oxford (especially irrelevant ones, such as flute for medicine, dancing for mathematics etc) English boarding schools support a wide range of extra-curricular subjects. Also, of course, the curriculum would be more in line with her university course. If she’s going for a bilingual education, a lot of these schools will go so far as to hire private tutors if she wants to pursue a language they don’t teach (but most likely at your expense!) </p>

<p>Another point would be that England has a wider range of single-sex schools than the USA, which she might enjoy, or alternatively there are a lot of boys schools with co-ed final two years. A friend of my family recently went to board in England to help her get into Oxbridge (she hadn’t decided between the two) and a year on she’s doing extremely well (predicted A<em>A</em>A*A). It is something I would recommend, especially as the environment is so high pressure as American Prep School appear to be but pupils still get the results. </p>

<p>Of course, the decision is all about her. She could board earlier than sixth form, she could board in America, she could stay at her private day school (or an international school in Switzerland? They’re very popular and there are also British and American BS there as well). </p>

<p>Anyway, good luck, and be sure to bring up the topic gently!</p>

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<p>To add to the above post, there are some great UK boarding schools that are very good at getting students into Oxbridge (westminster > 40%) I’m in the middle of applications to a number at the moment, so feel free to ask me any questions :)</p>

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<p>Oops, I meant, NOT so high pressure as American prep schools (but of course, that depends on the school).</p>

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<p>UK boarding schools are an attractive option from the academic perspective. But as an int’l parent who is dealing this week with the hassle of managing the Thanksgiving Break travel logistics for DS to fly home, my seasoned advice is to look first in the home country for BS options. </p>

<p>Do not underestimate the considerable headache, cost & stress of transporting a teenager overseas.</p>

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<p>Don’t forget that different countries have different school calendars. I’m too lazy to google the British school calendar, but I would expect it does not align with the US private/public school calendars.</p>

<p>That would not be an issue if you had only one child. Two (or more) children in school in different countries would mean no family vacations during high school. Perhaps August would be feasible?</p>

<p>It would also mean that child #2 would not be able to take part in any academic/special interest US summer camp or academic course, which now seem to be scheduled for June, July, August. That wouldn’t matter if you were determined to send her to college in Great Britain or Ireland. If you are considering US colleges as well, you must think about summer options as well (camps, work, projects.)</p>

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<p>We are still riding the fence with regard to our second child. Materials have been gathered and visits completed, but said child has said “I really don’t want Saturday classes and definitely don’t want to wear a tie every day”. Well that narrows the field considerably. </p>

<p>We are torn because the BS experience has been a rich and wonderful experience for our first child, and we would love to give the same to gift to the next child. Our ears are wide open though, and we are just not discerning the same enthusiasm that we saw a few years back with the first one. Right now, my instincts tell me second child will stay home.</p>

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<p>British calendar is very different for private schools, but is generally not too different from US schools (I think). 1 or 2 weeks off in October, 2 or 3 weeks off at christmas, 2 or 3 weeks off at easter, July and August off.
Just another idea, but I agree that it would not be a first choice situation for most.</p>

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<p>If I understand OP’s post, boarding school is being considered primarily to increase OP’s daughter’s chances for admission to Oxford (Oxford or bust). If correct, this seems like setting up one’s child for a major disappointment.</p>

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<p>Indeed, it’s already crazy hard for British studenst to get in, and from what I’ve seen on CC it’s even harder for US students.</p>