<p>CBParent, as an Oberlin faculty member I too am sorry to hear about your daughter’s experience. But just to echo the last two posts, it’s important to know that her experience is neither typical nor inevitable. I would not describe most Oberlin students as hipsters–that’s a label that gets thrown around without much to back it up. And certainly most students are not immature, including the first-year students; in fact I know quite a number who live in Dascomb and are mature, thoughtful, deeply engaged with each other, with their classes, and with extracurricular activities. Sounds like your daughter has unfortunately gotten in with the wrong crowd for her. It shouldn’t be hard for her to change that.</p>
<p>Thank you, mamenyu, studiomom, and dave72 for your replies. </p>
<p>mamenyu: she HAS taken Excos and done some of the other things you mentioned; but not much fun to do them alone. And when you get back to the dorm, guess what? Drunk students and pot smoke. By the way, we most certainly DID visit the campus, but there is no way to know what happens on Friday nights when one visits on Tuesday morning. Transferring is not an attractive option.</p>
<p>studiomom: you’re right - she does need to find a different living situation and will obviously be in a different place next year. Still, I think Oberlin does a poor job of policing the freshman dorms, if our experience is any indication. My information is that the RA is a sophomore, hardly someone who I would want in charge of an entire floor (at our son’s college, there is 1 senior “freshman counselor” for every 8 freshmen students). Other schools have dry campuses - why not Oberlin?</p>
<p>dave72: I do trust our d’s judgment and conclusions, and I do believe there is a very disproportionate number of hipsters at Oberlin. I do. The majority of the Dascomb students I hear about are far from mature. I would be happy to share specific experiences with you. One example: many students didn’t seem to take academics very seriously, at least during the first semester. This immaturity, coupled with the RA’s lack of authority/respect, makes for a bad situation. Sorry if I gave the wrong impression - our D has not “gotten in with the wrong crowd.” Like most students would do, at first she tried to experience the social life by going to the various parties around campus. Of course, it was just a lot of drinking and smoking, not her scene. She does have a couple of close friends, finally. But she thought there would be many more to choose from. Unfortunately, her experience has been that the vast majority of potential friends - the people who share her living situation - have been much too fond of partying to make good long-term friendships with.</p>
<p>What makes her situation so much worse is that her brother absolutely adores his school. She thought she was going to a place she would love just as much and it simply hasn’t turned out that way. Not Oberlin’s fault, entirely. But that’s what happened, and having another child’s school experience to compare hers to makes it clear that sometimes kids click with their college choices and sometimes they don’t. To tell you the truth, she is so different from the fellow Obies she describes that I sometimes wonder why the admissions office saw her as a good fit!</p>
<p>CBParent, I am sorry for your daughter (and you). To have your expectations of your college not meet up with your actual experience is a bummer. Of course this is NOT an Oberlin-specific issue–if you read the forums on pretty much any other college, you will find that there are students having a parallel experience at XYZ Univ. Doesn’t make it fun or easy. We have a dear friend whose daughter–who I think would find in yours a soul mate–left her LAC after the first semester because she had no support from the U, had a really bad roommate situation and a sophomore RA too, coincidentally. My oldest son had a miserable first semester at his LAC (which he never shared with us) and now LOVES it; and my second–at Oberlin Con–is thrilled. A friend’s son is a freshman living in Dascombe–he is one of the most dedicated, straight A students I know, but is also fun loving and probably parties, but is far from a “hipster” and I’m sure your daughter knows him. I am impressed that your family has forged ahead, your daughter has made some good friends and enjoyed the academics, and that she is staying at Oberlin. It is easy to bug out sometimes. I am confident your daughter will have a much better–hopefully joyful–sophomore year.</p>
<p>CB Parent: I hope your daughter finds a good housing set up for next year, with her friends, and is a happier camper! The social dynamic (and roommate “chemistry”) of any dorm floor changes from year to year, and sometimes it just doesn’t work for a student. That can be true anywhere! Freshmen can be a rowdy crew. The era of post-graduate, in loco parentis RA’s seems to be over at many colleges these days…along with signing out at night, etc.</p>
<p>CBParent, I lived in a freshman dorm where I was also surrounded by a lot of that but luckily managed to have a better situation where my hall itself wasn’t very wild. Just so you know, once you get out of the freshman dorm experience it’s much easier to shape your environment and separate yourself from that crowd if you want. I also met a lot more people in my second year, so I hope things will improve for your daughter!</p>
<p>my d has to choose between the two? she visited both, she knows that in wooster she will find more mainstream people like her, but oberlin is like magic.
would like to here some comments.accademic, social life…</p>
<p>stressed dads, worried moms - relax! Your children will be fine if they go to Oberlin! The educational resources are excellent; there are lots of smart, nice students, there are lots of enriching activities, and much music and art, and it is a very safe, attractive, pleasant setting. Since so few students post on these threads with any regularity, one of the best ways to get a sense of the place from a student point of view is to read the online blogs on the website, on a wide variety of subjects regarding activities and interests of some of the students there. Here’s a link. <a href=“http://blog.oberlin.edu/[/url]”>http://blog.oberlin.edu/</a></p>
<p>CB Mom - Hopefully your daughter will find her niche and be happier next year. My son had a rough time at Oberlin during his freshman year. Thought a lot of the kids were immature and self-consciously hip. Complained and complained. Too many kids smoked pot. Too many kids were too PC. Talked about transfering. Said he just didn’t fit in. Somewhere in his second year, something clicked and he became totally and completely engaged. By the time he graduated last May, he was practically a poster boy for the school. He found his niche and thrived. </p>
<p>My daughter went to a completely different kind of school. Much more mainstream, with a frat and drinking scene. She too was miserable during her freshman year. Didn’t fit in. All sorts of similar complaints. She is now a junior – and couldn’t be happier.</p>
<p>My point is that some kids, no matter where they go, need time to hit stride. (In my case, it was both my kids!) Hopefully your daughter will have a better experience next year.</p>
<p>When D1 was there she lived in a dorm that had mostly upperclassmen. She found it very quiet. I recall her commenting about one particular freshman dorm, that she didn’t live in, that was kind of wild, she said. We have some family friend who went there afterwards, and she warned him about living in that dorm.</p>
<p>The thing is though, the dorm she went to,the upperclassmen kept more to themselves, and I think it impeded her a bit socially. She didn’t know or hang out with as great a proportion of her own class as would have been the case if she’d lived in the freshman dorm.</p>
<p>So I guess there are tradeoffs.</p>
<p>My daughter lived in Third World house freshman year, in co-ops sophomore and junior years and off campus her senior year. She did not seem to have any of the problems described in this thread.</p>
<p>I have a son in his third year who has been very happy at Oberlin and has found plenty of social life outside the party crowd, both in the college and the con. My second son will be starting there in the fall and is thinking about requesting a “substance free” housing situation, though we really haven’t investigated it yet. (Anyone know?) From what I hear from other friends, college partying seems to be a major presence on every campus. Anyway, there are endless opportunities for music, community service, exco’s , and other activities at Oberlin.
CBParent, I hope your daughter finds her way. Stressed Dad, good luck with your decision.</p>
<p>"I wish I could say our D’s experience at Oberlin has been a happy one. She was one of the mainstream kids at her HS, where “hipsters” were definitely in the minority. Now that the opposite is true, she has had a VERY hard time finding like-minded friends. Her freshman dorm (Dascomb) is populated with immature drinking, pot smoking kids. She has even considered transferring. Now, as her first year comes to a close, she is accepting the fact that the academics at Oberlin are superb and has basically resigned herself to staying (knowing that one full year will be spent abroad). Our son LOVES his college; our daughter tolerates hers. As always, YMMV. " --CBParent</p>
<p>CBParent, did your daughter receive her sophomore room assignment and is she happy with it? My D received her’s. She got exactly the dorm she wanted, on exactly the floor she wanted, and it has an elevator! She’s already excited about next term. It should make second year at Oberlin a lot better. No more crazy random stranger assigned as her roommate, making her life semi-miserable. And goodbye frosh dorm! Although Barrows hasn’t been that bad, like you’ve described Dascomb.</p>
<p>Good luck to your daughter. I hope she didn’t lose faith in Oberlin and transfer out.</p>
<p>Plainsman - Yes, she got the dorm she wanted (Noah) but not the room she requested. She’s ok with that - she loves Noah and the room is bigger than the one she has now. Plus she’ll be rooming with a friend she made over the course of the year (she likes her current roommate ok, but she is also heading to a new living space, co-op I think). So yeah, she’s pretty happy about that. Plus she’s had a show on WOBC since the start of spring semester and she really enjoys doing that. Who knows - like someone else had posted, maybe in three more years she’ll be a poster child for Oberlin! </p>
<p>Meanwhile, we will all be off to our oldest child’s college commencement toward the end of May and pestering our youngest to start her college essays over the summer. Time marches on!</p>
<p>It is puzzling how students can have such different experiences at the same school. My D is also a freshman in Dascomb, and she has complained about the prevalence of hipsters, a term I had never heard before. Overall she has been very happy with Oberlin, liking the other students and the academics. By the way, it is worthwhile looking up “hipster” on urban dictionary.</p>
<p>That’s funny, fiddlecanoe. See a thread I posted a few weeks ago from an article that listed Oberlin among the Ten Most Hipster colleges. I guess it’s true! :)</p>
<p>But I don’t consider “hipster” to be an insult or a bad thing, anymore than jock, nerd, or preppie. It’s just a difference.</p>