Hi! Just wondering if anyone has ever had their boyfriend or girlfriend spend the night in their dorm and if opposite sex students are allowed in the dorm rooms. I’m not considering having sex or anything just crashing the floor for the night and with roommate approval of course:)
Thanks!
No, do not do this. Its really disrespectful and sets an awful precedent. Its awkward because the other roomie feels uncomfortable saying “no”. You really have no business spending the night there.
My son’s roommate had a girl (friend) who was always in their room. The roommate didn’t like her in that way, but he didn’t know how to tell her in a nice way to “get lost”, or thanks but no thanks.
My son didn’t want to be mean but tried saying things indirectly, “I’m going to change now”. And the girl would say “okay” and wouldn’t leave. My son would have to immediately leave the room when she was there.
My son and I would be on the phone and he would tell me that the girl was there and was trying to crash.
The last straw was when we came to pick him up for thanksgiving and she was sitting there, the roommate had left. I was picking up my son’s bag and I whispered, “what’s she doing here?” My son said, “I have no idea”.
So I said to her, “don’t you have a room to go to?” She looked shocked. We told her we needed to close the door and lock the room. She wouldn’t leave.
So we left, and told the RA that both roommates were gone for the holidays, that the girl wouldn’t leave the room, and that we didn’t know what to do.
I guess they had to tell her that it wasn’t her room and that she needed to leave.
I have to disagree with aunt bea
Her anecdote sounds like a problem of communication between roommates/the personality of the girl staying the night.
I’m not sure about UCSD, but I’ve slept over at my girl friend’s dorm at Yale without any problem. Her roommate usually falls asleep on their common-room futon very late anyways, so she doesn’t mind letting us have the room to ourselves for a night or two. We’re very clear that she has the right to kick us out onto the futon at anytime, and that communication is key, I think
Almost definitely allowed by college. There will be a limit on how many days someone can stay (to keep people from freeloading) but other than that, you should be good
Yes
Since most of the dorm rooms at UCSD are triples, it gets a little crowded, but a lot of people have overnight guests. When my son was in the dorms, 3 to a room, one roommate definitely had his girlfriend stay occasionally. They were all very open with each other and would have said something if it were a problem. I think it depends on the roommates- if everyone communicates well then it can be OK.
I think one or two nights are ok but it should be discussed ahead with your roommate. The situation that @aunt bea described seems longer than 1-2 days. I agree it’s considered very rude to stay longer. I could barely stayed at my kid’s room for more than a few minutes to drop things off, it’s very small. I don’t know how an extra person can be fitted in there.
Btw, her son is not at UCSD but at Caltech, IIRC.
Thanks guys for the replies! I really appreciate it, my boyfriend drives 3 hours to spend time with me and it would seem better for him to sleep on the floor of my dorm instead of outside in his car in the street.
Definitely disagree with 1st response, think it’s unfair to say you can’t have any overnight guests if they’re coming from hours away.
That being said, it should DEFINITELY be discussed with roomie well in advance and maybe together you can find a mutual friend where you’d all be okay with her sleeping for the night. If she can’t for whatever reason find somewhere to sleep, you’re SOL and it’s on you to find your boyfriend a hotel. And, likewise, if roomie ever asks for something similar, you should oblige.
I had my boyfriend visit twice during the semester (5+ hours away) freshmen year, and both times roomie was fine with it because she had time to make arrangements. She was welcome to stay in our room but didn’t (not that I blame her at all)- both times she slept in a friends’ room for the weekend. I was happy to give her alone time in the room whenever her (local) boyfriend was around.
I don’t know about aunt bea’s experience, but my RA last year had us establish ground rules regarding overnight guests in the first meeting. As long as the unanimous consensus is that yes, overnight guests are okay, it shouldn’t be an issue. It’s not unlikely that some of your suitemates plan on having sex in the dorms; I’m sure it’d even be okay if he shared your bed. Like everyone else advised, just establish ground rules and communicate well with your roommates.