Prompt:
Your local public library has come under criticism for allowing patrons under the age of eighteen to check out books that are considered unacceptable. The books are either explicit, describe graphic violence, or use questionable language. The critics argue that minors should not be given access to explicit materials. Other people think that public libraries have no business denying anyone access to any materials, and parents should be the ones to control what books their children can and cannot read. In your opinion, should public libraries place restrictions on which books patrons under the age of eighteen can check out.
Response:
The thirst for knowledge can never be quenched. This seems to be beneficial to common people who continuously take in new information to replenish that thirst of knowledge. But, everything has a correct time. The way a child first learns to crawl, then to walk, and then finally to run, similarly minors should be exposed to knowledge appropriate to their age. Since, a library is a big house of knowledge, it becomes necessary for authorities to intervene and limit the books patrons under the age of eighteen can check out.
It is an undeniable fact that a piece of gold shines in a rubble of stones, but overexposure to books describing graphic violence or using questionable language may leave a lasting impression on a youth’s mind, altering his perspectives of what’s correct and what’s wrong. Further, this may result in an individual’s actions to not fit the accepted norms of society. A limit to these types of books is a way to curb any progress towards this negative side.
Some might argue that is parent’s responsibility to account for their children’s behaviour and that they should be the ones to decide what books their children can and cannot read; but, with the increasing amount of independence teenagers seek, they may feel their parent’s actions interfering with their privacy. Furthermore, it may be possible for a minor to sneak in an inappropriate books without the consent of his or her parents. A restriction at the root level is the way to eliminate any such problems that may arise.
While it’s true that the right to knowledge is important to an individual’s success, certain influence may deteriorate a person’s life. So, it becomes necessary to restrict the books a minor reads at a library until he has the worldly experience and maturity to understand what’s correct for him.
Thanks
Since, a library is a big house of knowledge,
Don’t need that first comma. Also this sounds really juvenile.
is an undeniable fact that a piece of gold shines in a rubble of stones
This has literally nothing to do with the second half of the sentence.
to not fit the accepted norms of society
Are you saying everyone should conform and be the same? Some might say individuality is a GOOD thing.
Some might argue that is parent’s responsibility
Missing an “it”
behaviour
Are you American?
they may feel their parent’s actions interfering with their privacy.
*are interfering
an inappropriate books
Nope.
the root level
That is the awkwardest possible phrasing
certain influence may deteriorate a person’s life
Says who??? You haven’t offered any examples or persuasive evidence. Basically all we got in this essay was your opinion repeated over and over. It’s vague, not convincing, and pretty boring.
Your really go overboard with metaphors in your first six sentences. You’ve got thirst, children crawling, a big house, and gold. Settle on one. Or none. You don’t want to lose points for trying to sound fancy using tools you can’t control.
You need to provide evidence of some sort for claims like altering his perspectives of what’s correct and what’s wrong. Further, this may result in an individual’s actions to not fit the accepted norms of society. A reader needs a reason to believe that stuff. No one’s just going to take your word for it.
@bodangles and @WasatchWriter you mean that I should cut short on other things and provide concrete examples just the way we are supposed to give on SAT? Can you please help me with what types of examples to provide?
If you don’t have examples in mind, why on earth would you yourself believe that these claims are true?
The best evidence for your position would be some sort of longitudinal study showing a connection between, say, exposure to violence in literature and violent behavior in real life. I doubt such a study exists, or could exist, but that’s what you’d want.
Failing that, a personal example might help. Maybe you heard a story about some kid at your school who read a violent novel by Stephen King and then stabbed his mother with a dozen kitchen utensils. Or maybe you know a kid who, somehow, never heard any swear words in his life. Until he read a bunch in a trashy novel. And then his life was ruined because he went around swearing all the time.
Seriously, you picked a VERY hard position to defend. Most of the good research that has ever been done focuses on visual media (e.g., movies), and even there the conclusions are ambiguous. And you haven’t read them.
Okay, I get your point regarding the kind of examples to write.
I may write “For example, a kid in my neighborhood who always roamed around in violent gangs, indulging in notorious activities from a very early age, turned out to be be gangster.”
or “For instance, several studies have pointed out a direct correlation between bad influences and personal behavior, clearly showing that experience affects a person as much as does genes. Thus, reading inappropriate books at an early age may cause a person to behave inappropriately.”
Also, how should I refer to the audience to make the essay more persuasive? (By using ‘people’, ‘one’, or ‘you’)
In general, use “you” only when referring specifically to your reader, usually in the act of reading your essay. These are common and perfectly acceptable: “As you can see . . .” “You will recall that [something from the previous paragraph]”
Fight the temptation to use “you” when you mean some generic, hypothetical person. “One” is problematic because it forces you to work with clunky “he or she” pronouns. Keeping generic people in the plural can solve some of that. Often you can be more specific. “Television viewers” is almost always better than “people” (when you really do mean television viewers, of course).
Okay, I will try to incorporate the things you mentioned. On an average, what score does the essay deserve? I have my ACT on April 18th and don’t want a retry.
Also, I have finished 1296 Questions and 6 ACT practice tests by Princeton review and ACT 36 and English, Reading, and Writing workbook by Barron’s. I did 1 practice test from Red book (scoring a 34), and have scheduled the other 4 tests in the coming week. I give a mock test everyday in the morning.
After completing the above books, I did 2 tests from Barron’s 6 practice tests, but I feel that they are excessively difficult and I score 32-33 on them. Yesterday, I found 4-5 previously released sample papers. So, should I do Barron’s papers or the official sample papers this week?