<p>I think you have definitely improved. No need to keep anything from the old approach. I have noticed more grammatical issues on my second read so I’m lowering the score to a 4/5 out of 6. A few specific suggestions to improve further:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>The intro paragraph would benefit from a sentence that provides a brief overview of the examples to come.</p></li>
<li><p>The first sentence in paragraph 2 is weak. How about, “Mohandas Gandhi and his followers took responsibility for reducing the oppression native Indians faced in their own country from the occupying British soldiers.”</p></li>
<li><p>“They saw what the British were doing in their land, and” - you need the word “that” immediately following the preceding words</p></li>
<li><p>You introduced Gandhi’s followers. Don’t forget them.</p></li>
<li><p>End Gandhi paragraph more powerfully while addressing the prompt, “Gandhi and his followers took personal responsibility for addressing injustices in their country; their actions mobilized their countrymen resulting in an improved quality of life for many native Indians.” </p></li>
<li><p>“n the case of Gandhi, his government did not have the power or resources to solve the problem, but there cases in which the government is the problem. This is the case in George Orwell’s classic1984.” - eliminate all this, the first sentence does not belong in this paragraph and the second says nothing</p></li>
<li><p>New beginning to paragraph, "Winston, the main character in George Orwell’s 1984, lives in a dystopian society in which he is oppressed by his government. He must take responsibility for reducing this oppression into his own hands. </p></li>
<li><p>tell a little about how Winston Smith took actions into his own hands</p></li>
<li><p>see minor changes - “Because of his actions, he is able to have a relationship with the girl of his dreams. Had he accepted the rules of the government, Mr. Smith would have been prohibited from personal decisions regarding relationships.” </p></li>
<li><p>end the 1984 paragraph stronger - “Winston Smith’s decision to take responsibility for solving societal problems allowed him to pursue the basic human need of companionship, thereby dramatically improving his life.”</p></li>
<li><p>Change the second to last paragraph to, "In 2007, many citizens of New Mexico wanted the right to become organ donors at their time of death and to eliminate their parents right to override their decision after death. However, the law allowed parents to change these decisions posthumously. Charles Cord</p></li>
</ul>