<p>Extracurricular, school paper: my friend and i asked this girl if she wants to be head with us (teacher said she was interested), and she says yes. Right away, she takes away the application form, writes herself down as head, and never lets us see it again until the day she hands it back. Then, she proceeds to run things the way she wants to, never asks for opinions, complains about the work we do if we can "snatch" some away from her, and complains about how late she has to stay up -ALL the time- because of the heavy workload (which she refuses to share, and when she does, she will do whatever we did all over again to her liking after we finish). She also talks to the rest of the committee and everyone else like she's the only one in charge. I resent that.</p>
<p>She's not a horrible person, I like her okay when we're not working together...but everytime we approach the deadline of another issue, I get so ****ed off that all I want to do is quit or slap her....- -</p>
<p>Oh, and she picked one of her friends to be head, without consulting us. That friend is not a bad worker, but doesn’t really do anything that merits his position, nor does that person try to.
All four of us are friends, so it’s really hard to talk it out without awkwardness.
The girl also goes into denial mode everytime I try. She gets all silent and stoney and refuses to listen/comment…
The other friend that I started the club with thinks that we can’t do anything about this, since communication is impossible and talking to the teacher wont do much either.</p>
<p>YES. Yes I have, and I feel you big time… did you want advice or just a nice rant with some sympathy? lol</p>
<p>More or less, it sounds like this girl is scared; she feels that if she is not in charge to a T, she will be run over and taken advantage of. Usually when people go ape ***t on others in a leadership setting and take over, its out of fear.</p>
<p>I would say: make yourself available to help, make sure that she knows with no shadow of a doubt that you respect her and your offer to work is NOT saying she cant do it, but that you want to help so the project is more group oriented (this is iffy territory so tread lightly…)</p>
<p>And, then, if she either doesnt respond or gives you some long lecture about how “bad” your work ethic is in her opinion and blah blah blah, just enjoy the fact that the work will be done and you dont have to do any of it!! I understand you completely and it can be VERRRY frustrating, but, in my opinion, either yelling at her or trying to reason with her will only exacerbate the problem. Once again, in my opinion, she is scared that she will be railroaded unless she railroads first. So, make yourself known as someone who can and will help. She might give you some menial task that is “beneath” her at first… do it without question (you really shouldnt have to prove to your own group members that you can work, but sometimes its necessary when others arent being reasonable group players). </p>
<p>As well, know that this will end… the project will be done soon enough, and just know to avoid working with this girl in the future, keep your friendship (or whatever relationship you have) more platonic and fun related instead of work related</p>
<p>Well, the advice is up there, I edited it when I read your second post asking for suggestions.</p>
<p>And, I didnt resolve anyone – She (coincidence! lol) actually completely dropped off the project…</p>
<p>Bascially, it was for another extra curricular, but instead of a paper, we were planning a full week of things to do and planning presentations… She took on the leadership role (I ran the committee the year before), and she wanted to be the leader so I let her. However, she wasted time, never called meetings, never asked anyone to do anything (and did nothing herself) yet she complained ALL the time that she was so stressed</p>
<p>To make a long story short, I actually convinced her that this specific project was the only cause of her stress (and not her mass amounts of intense courses)… She dropped off being leader, I took over, and the committee was WAY better for it. I felt a little bad that I convinced her to quit, but the committee was dying and I needed to rally.</p>
<p>well i haven’t actually yelled @ her…i’d love to though. - -
and it’s not a group project, it’s the school newpaper… T0T
your advice sounds really reasonable, but isn’t it sort of unfair to yourself? you have to pretty much bow down and let her have things her way all the way until the project’s done or she finally decides to “share” work.</p>
<p>i like how i’m fighting to work. xDD</p>
<p>oh and i like your psychoanalysis there. xDDDD</p>
<p>lolol
same thing almost happened here.
then she realized that the newspaper on her resume would be beautiful, so she came back full force…- -
aw man, you’re so lucky. xDD</p>
<p>And, yes, it does sound unfair (cause it kinda is)… However, my friend desperately needed to feel like she was in a position of power, she needed the confidence boost. Without sounding like a pompous ass, I gave it to her. </p>
<p>Her “way” unfortunately was to do nothing at all, but I think that for her (and for your girl as well) that they both just wanted the feeling that they could be in charge of something. With my friend, she soon realized she couldnt do the committee properly, but had too much pride to admit it. I gave her an out by saying it was causing her stress and she took it. Had I just kicked her off (as the former leader I had the power to do so) it would have alienated her and it would have broken our friendship.</p>
<p>ANNDDDD. For that bit about looking good on a resume… same thing happened with her…</p>
<p>So, I told her that she got to keep her title as leader of the committee and I just took the title of “operations manager” or whatever… she got the glory, I did the work…</p>
<p>However, I got my way losing a finnicky title of a highschool committee was VERY worth it to a) keep our friendship and b) get the job done. A failed committee would look worse on me than a successful committee I didnt “lead”</p>
<p>well, in our case, it’s not that she’s uncapable. she’s actually doing pretty well. but the paper could be so much better if she’d just let the rest of us help out more…- - and then she would also not have to stay up til the morning everytime…
and it’s also her attitude that really makes me angry…she always acts like she’s super stressed because she “has” to do everything.</p>
<p>although i hear that she does nothing in another committe she’s supposed to run. xD so i guess she does have plenty in common with your best friend. :D</p>
<p>“So, I told her that she got to keep her title as leader of the committee and I just took the title of “operations manager” or whatever… she got the glory, I did the work…”</p>
<p>i’d love to do this if she could be convinced…- -</p>
<p>you’re full of beautiful devious ideas. xDDD</p>
<p>HAAAA. Are you sure she is even doing anything for the paper? Cause my friend is very capable as well… might wanna check on that :P</p>
<p>And yes, I have been known to be devious at times lol (only when its necessary… promise )</p>
<p>As for the attitude part… just ignore her. Smile, and be like “WOW, you are so stressed! ■■■■ LET ME HELP YOU”… Kiss up a little, but throw in enough sarcasm that you feel good about yourself :P</p>
<p>argh…im like the person that says the most inappropriate things @ the most inappropriate times just cuz i don’t think before i speak. it’d be quite suspicious if i became all sugary sweet one day. xDD
but i’ll try, cuz your scheme sounds beautiful right now, and i can envision a future of happiness and light should it actually work out. T-T
xDDDD</p>
<p>THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUU
you deserve a virtual hug xDDD</p>
<p>Bahahhha… thanks! Yo PM me, I wanna know how this goes!</p>
<p>And… ■■■■■. Me too… not gonna lie, Im slightly dirty minded and often dont think before yammering… and use “thats what she said jokes” at the worst times… ever… :D</p>
<p>But, there is always light and happiness when you get your way without losing out on anything… I kept my friend, ran the committee, everyone who matters knew I lead it, but my friend got to keep her feelings intact and she gets to tell unis (with my full support) that she was the leader of the committee</p>
<p>lmboooooooooo
OMGOSH yea, I do that all the time, and then people are like, but you’re a girl, how could you say that o_O
xDDDD</p>
<p>Thanks for all your helpppp
I’m gonna try to be nicer and crapp…- - oh I hate thinking before speaking, but I guess it’s a basic social skill I gotta acquire sooner or later…><|||</p>
<p>lol, asian smileys make everybody’s day don’t they ;D</p>
<p>And I’ll keep you posted boss. I’ve (hopefully) got the situation under control. xD</p>
losing a finnicky title of a highschool committee was VERY worth it to a) keep our friendship and b) get the job done. A failed committee would look worse on me than a successful committee I didnt “lead”</p>