<p>I am shocked at how many parents around here are writing their children's college essays. This weekend I was lamenting how pressed for time D was and how I didn't know when she'd have a few hours to work on her essays. The response was, "Come on, why don't you just write them for her? Everyone else does them for their kids!" Thus began a mass confession. Of course I knew this happens, and I'm sure it happens a lot more frequently as the December 31 deadline approaches and parents start getting desperate. But it's still a little early for that, isn't it? Do you think the frequency of this behavior is becoming an epidemic where you live--a further extension of helicopter parenting?</p>
<p>D, who is dysgraphic, wrote her own essays, and believe me, whoever was in the admissions offices KNEW this. There were cultural references no adult would have even thought of using. But, I can certainly understand the temptation parents must feel to do this kind of thing. </p>
<p>I think that senior year used to be a lot less stressful. Junior year was kind of the apex of academic pain in H.S…Now, with all the APs, it is as if kids start college while they are in the application process and so…parents who see the struggle step in. Then, it’s a vicious circle…if Johnny’s mom is writing HIS essays? Shouldn’t I just “help out” at least a little? I could see this if I hadn’t actually considered getting thru the application process as an assessment of whether I thought D was ready to go to college yet or needed a gap year. But, that was just my perspective.</p>
<p>I’m sure some parents do this - or hire ghost writers, for that matter - but I am sure that college admissions officers are able to tell if an essay is written by a parent. (I think it is fine for an English teacher or parent to read over essays and make suggestions for editing, as long as they don’t over edit so the student’s voice is lost. I know some kids don’t let their parents see their essays but I think having an extra proof-reader can really help, especially to catch things like “and that is why I want to go to Haverford” in the essay for Williams.)</p>
<p>It’s ridiculous to write your child’s essay. I am not even tempted. D will write whatever she has time for and if she asks me to edit, I will check for typos and grammar mistakes. That’s the extent of it. I will also inform her if I think the essays are inappropriate or just plain bad, so she can consider doing them over. That’s my job (I will also nag and remind about deadlines-also my job).</p>
<p>I do not personally know anyone who actually admitted to writing the child’s essay and we are in a very competitive school district.</p>
<p>Not only do I not write their essays, they won’t even let me see them! :rolleyes:</p>
<p>I too find this shocking, but not totally surprising.</p>
<p>I’m not sure I am as much help to my child on essays as I would have been 20 years ago. Out of practice on the creative writing front, I’m afraid.</p>
<p>I do catch grammatical errors and typos. And if the essay is just plain boring I’ll tell him to try again. But write one for him??? :eek:</p>
<p>I definitely look at them and I critique them for more than grammar. I’ll even give comments like, “Your intro still isn’t grabbing me, why don’t you try less set up”? But write it myself, no way!</p>
<p>I wasn’t allowed to see my kids’ essays, either. I snooped and saw WildChild’s, but I never did see my daughter’s. There was one, um, additional essay required for my son that I had some input into, along with his counselor. Write them, though? Geez.</p>
<p>He wouldn’t have gotten into his college of choice if I did!</p>
<p>D2’s “big” essay was about an experience we shared together. We commuted together this summer and she ended up writing about her observations/impressions of the commute. As we were living it, she had me giggling every day at her wickedness. Toward the middle of her program she said “this has essay written all over it.” Which it did. She did let me read the final essay and I thought it was brilliant. So unexpected, funny, moving and insightful. I wondered if it was a little too conversational in spots, but I think that ended up making it authentic. I’ve secretly kept a copy for myself because it’s not often you get to view a shared experience wholly from the POV of your child.</p>
<p>I didn’t see either of their essays the most involved I was- was to make sure they had the due dates marked on their calendar.</p>
<p>I never saw the essays of the older kids but I did see the youngest’s. If I had had any input she probably wouldn’t have been accepted to her dream college. An older D said “They got the real deal.” and so they did.</p>
<p>D did her essay during the summer since she knew she would have no time once school started. She has edited it a few times after getting feedback from a favorite teacher but it is a lot easier to edit than create. She never offered to show me her essay and I never asked.</p>
<p>I think it lacks serious integrity to write your kid’s essay to get into college. It is cheating - plain and simple. And frankly, while I know it’s a little bit of a soap box reaction - if the parental example is one of cheating, is there any wonder why this country ends up in the predicament it does? How does anyone defend this? That “everyone else does it?” And that makes it all right, because…?</p>
<p>I am sure the rich getting richer is all well and good as long as youre the one getting rich. I am sure some of Bernie’s victims now wish for something different to have gone down in their past. Cheating, lying… and worse, thinking you can write what your child thinks better than they can… hubris. What does this say about character - your own or your child’s. Check his grammar, spelling? Sure. Read and comment to see if what he is wanting to say is what is being said? Absolutely. But to write the thing and sign someone else’s name? That’s cheating.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s epidemic or even common where I live, but I do know it happens. I wish I found it shocking; I do find it lamentable. And I can’t respect the parents who’ve confessed to it.</p>
<p>Proofreading and big-picture observations (e.g., “you’re taking a long time to get to the point” or “this first part really sounds like you, but the second half doesn’t have as much of your voice”), if your kid wants them, are appropriate.</p>
<p>Sure, parents write their kids essays. They’re also the ones who made their science projects in elementary school that ultimately made it to the state fair!<br>
While it may get their kids into a college, good luck keeping them in.
I’m proud to say that we were not involved in writing S’s essays. Unfortunately, we never got to read them, either. S chose to have his teacher read it - and we respected that.</p>
<p>No, never, the H and I don’t even see them! The four of them get in on their own: so 3 down and 1 to go on the essay stuff! They usually consult with their siblings or friends!
I think a BIL in the family wrote them for our two nieces! We wouldn’t even consider it!</p>
<p>Not only is it unethical, but I also believe it is ridiculous to write your child’s essay. And I have no doubt college admissions offices can easily discern a parent written essay vs a student one</p>
<p>The infamous “everyone else” is always a give-away. And yes, it is a deadly error to do this for your kid. Proofreading yes. Judicious suggestions about which essay is a better choice and some editorial coaching is within bounds. But writing them for a kid is a life-long lesson in “you are incapable in some fundamental way” and ultimately robs kids of important developmental progress. Waiting them out IS a miserable process but worth it long term.
Letting go is our job at this stage.</p>
<p>
This is the way we handled it, too. I gave my son pretty detailed feedback on his essay, but aside from cut-and-dried things like typos, I tried to keep it open-ended–instead of “change this to this,” it was “is there a simpler way to say this?” He was more open to that kind of response than I expected; he rejected some of my thoughts, accepted others, and in the end the essay came out a bit tighter and crisper but still very much his. The process was fun for me and (I think) for him as well. I don’t even see most of his school writing assignments unless he asks for my advice–and he seldom does. This was a rare chance for us to bond over sentence structure. :)</p>