So I moved in to college a few days ago and I’ve been meeting new people, going to the social events and spending time with my roommate, who I really think is a great person. However, I feel a bit out of place because I am introverted and a morning person, so the time I want to go to sleep (9-10 PM) is when everyone wants to go out. I need some time at the end of the day to recover emotionally and physically, and I feel so drained at night. In addition, I’m having trouble sleeping because the people in my dorm are yelling and getting back at 2 AM drunk from frat parties, sometimes so drunk that an ambulance is called (they’ve already had to call 4 in the past 2 days). I have earplugs which helps but I just feel like something isn’t right because I haven’t met anyone else who doesn’t really like to stay up (maybe its because they’re in their room?) and then sleep in till the next day is halfway over.
Also, even though I’m only 30 minutes from home, I feel rather homesick. I love my parents and my dog to no end and not seeing them everyday feels like it is taking a mental toll on my brain. Just thinking about them brings tears to my eyes. At this point, I’ve essentially convinced myself I’m going to commute next year because not seeing my family everyday and having to be around drunk/stoned people who are screaming at 3 am is very difficult.
I don’t know, I like my school, I just don’t feel like the college life is meant for me. I feel uncomfortable at times and sad during others, and so stressed that I’m having trouble eating full meals. I just need some advice on finding my peaceful safe space and feeling comfortable in a place that’s surrounded by people who aren’t like me.
This seems likely. Have you joined any clubs where you might meet people? What are you interested in?
The obvious answer is to suck it up and adapt. You are not going to change anyone around you so your only alternative is to change your approach or go back to your parents - usually not a good move for healthy development. Don’t consider yourself a morning person or a night owl - consider yourself adaptive and able to do what’s necessary to reach your goals. Stay at the library studying until midnight for example instead of trying to go to bed at 9PM in a college dorm. I’m not sure that convents have a 9PM bedtime so you are probably unrealistic to expect a restful nights sleep at 9PM in a college dorm. The partiers that you describe are likely to flunk out soon enough or move off campus where they can party more professionally.
If studying late is not for you, find a significant other or some social outlet that you enjoy. Outwit, outlast, outplay.
Has school even started yet? That 2 am partying settles down once the reality of 8 am classes starts.
You are lucky because if dorm life doesn’t work out, you can commute without disrupting your college courses. Try dorm life but if it really isn’t for you, move back home.
is there a “quiet dorm” on campus? Might be too late to get into it for this semester, but maybe you can get in next?
Is there a kitchen in your dorm? If so, go bake something starting at about 8 pm on a Friday or Saturday night. You might meet some people who didn’t want to go out. Leave your door open with some music playing after your roommate goes out – you might meet some people that way, too. Now… they may not all want to go to bed at 9 pm, But they also at least aren’t out drinking, and may want to play cards or something like that, so it is a way to meet non-partiers. Don’t fall in the trap of going home every weekend – you will have a harder time making friends. Maybe try to go once a month.
Next year (or even next semester) you could look into quieter dorms. My college had (still has) a couple of all women dorms. I lived in a typical freshman dorm (much like you describe!) for my freshman year, then in one of the women’s dorms after that. It was SO much more civilized, and quieter. Then I lived in a co-op house my last year of college, which was the most fun of all.
Some of it will settle down when class starts. If there isn’t a quiet dorm, maybe there are quiet apartments? Are your stats good enough to apply to the honors college if there is one? Sometimes they have a dorm that should be quieter.
You aren’t likely to find many college students who go to bed at 9-10 PM but at least you may be able to find a place that is quiet enough for you. There are other intraverts out there and there is nothing wrong with needing to wind down. Try studying in the library when class starts and that will also give you alone time to provide balance.
See if you can switch your housing assignment to a substance-free dorm, if there is one at your college. Also, as @twoinanddone has said, the crazy partying tapers off pretty quickly and, if after giving it more time, you can move back home after your first semester. I suspect you will find more folks like you as the semester develops.
You could also look for activities like movie showings or board game nights that might be a bit more low key and would attract the non-partiers. Good luck!
As I read your post I can’t help but think you are doing really well. You articulate your feelings and are approaching them in a very positive way. You can say you like your school! That’s great! Its too early to say that college life isn’t for you. Don’t even think about that yet and just take it one day, one week at a time.
I agree that a lot of the noise is because its early in the semester. Things will settle down as students begin to focus more on their classes and the novelty of the new school year wears off. And the great thing is, because you live only 30 minutes away, you can go home for weekends here and there to catch up on sleep. My suggestion is to try to stick it out the first 3-4 weeks without going home so you are sure to meet people and be a part of things.
The previous posters have given some good advice to check into quiet dorms for the future.
@jenjen182 So sorry to hear this. My D chose the substance free dorm her freshman year to avoid the parties and late-night noise and still had issues her first semester. Like you, she is an early riser and likes to settle in about 9 pm with a book or tv show and then lights out shortly after. There is nothing wrong with this; in fact, most of us in the real world have to be at work by 8 am and its my opinion that sleep is a very important component to healthy living. Don’t let others convince you there is something wrong with going to sleep at 10 and getting 8 hours!!
While I do believe that @WISdad23 has the right idea of trying to adapt to your surroundings (and you’ll do this throughout your entire life in one way or another) you don’t have to contort your schedule to fit anyone elses. There must be mutual compromise. I would suggest you look into other dorm rooms and ask for a change. As others said, once classes get really going things may settle down, although the weekends most likely will not.
- Once classes start, the noise should die down. If it doesn't talk to the RA about when "quiet hours" are and have them speak to the loud people.
- You don't have to "go out" or "hang out" with people every night...it will not be sustainable once classes start. But you should try to do it on weekends.
Others addressed most of your issues, so I’ll just chime in on how you might be able to deal with the noise for right now, so you can get through the term. You already have earplugs - depending on which ones you have, you may be able to upgrade those to some which have higher noise blocking properties. Also make sure you’re actually putting them in correctly (those foam ones work best if you first warm them in your closed hand, then twist them so they fit in your ear canal better. Then hold them in gently as they expand. That helps a bit.)
If you don’t already have one, buy a small fan - ideally, one that you can clip onto your bed or put on your nightstand right next to your ear - and run it for white noise as you sleep.
Once your roommate is in the room for the night, you can use a rolled up towel or similar to block the space between the bottom of the door and the floor. This can cut noise quite a bit.
If, at the end of the term, you do what others have suggested (try to find activities that tend to attract people who don’t party, etc.) and you still want to move back home, then move back home. When I last checked the stats, 50% or more of college students in the US commute from home. So long as you make sure to do things to get involved on campus, and don’t just leave campus as soon as class is done, you can still have a really rich college experience, despite being a commuter.
My experience was that the noise didn’t abate on weekends.
Thanks for the great advice everyone. Today was the first day of classes and I pushed myself to meet some new people and go to a few mixers during the day so I could get to know as many as I could. Overall, it went surprisingly pretty well, and I think I actually enjoyed the structure of having class as opposed to having nothing to do all day. Hopefully people do quiet down in my dorm, as someone set off the fire alarm last night because they drunkenly pulled it while trying to find a light switch.
Like I said, I do really like my school, I just need to find a way that I can do everything I need to do academically and still have a good time with incorporating my out of the ordinary day to day schedule. After posting I called my sister who is in college and she gave me some great advice and gave me a bit of an outlet to talk about stuff, which was by far the most refreshing thing I have had thus far.
I do believe that I will likely commute next year, but I will live out my term in the dorms and hopefully get adjusted. As for clubs, I do plan on joining some, there is supposed to be a large tabling club fair sometime this week or next week.