Having a rough time adjusting :(

Hi,

I just finished my first semester at college, and I’ve been having a pretty difficult time adjusting. I’m shy and had a rather difficult time socially in high school, so I came into college hopeful that I would be able to fit in better and make at least a few close friends. I ended up at a school that wasn’t my top choice, but I was optimistic since I already knew a few people. The first few weeks were okay, and I met a bunch of people who I could picture myself becoming good friends with, but the past few weeks/months have been extremely lonely. Many of my friends from the first month or so have branched off and formed their own friend groups, and I feel like almost everyone at this point is in their own set friend group while I’m out of the loop. I went to a few parties the first month and met a few new people that way, even though I’m really awkward at parties, but now, I don’t even get invited to them. I have a roommate, but we’re not super close as she’s a recruited athlete and mostly hangs out with her teammates, and the people I knew from before have their own friends now too. I’ve joined quite a few clubs, but I feel like I’ve only met “acquaintances” through them. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve begun skipping meals because I worry about finding somewhere to sit/eating alone in the dining hall. I don’t know what’s wrong with me - I don’t think I’m terribly ugly and I dress well, it’s just that I’m not a big talker. Everyone from high school looks like they’re having a blast at college, and I don’t know what to do at this point. I’m not sure if I should try transferring to somewhere else or join more clubs or something; I’m just really not looking forward to next semester.

If you look through this part of CC you’ll see a lot of people posting similar situations to yours. It’s more common than you might think. Since you have been having such a difficult time for a while and it’s clearly impacting you then maybe it’s time to make adjustments. Gain a few seconds of bravery and talk to someone out of the blue in one of your classes or on your floor. I know even the thought of doing that is embarrassing but it’s worth it. Every time you do this makes it easier. In the mean time, don’t worry about eating alone. You’ll see plenty of people doing this if you pay attention.

If your situation begins to impact your academics or your health then it would be a good idea to talk to an on campus counsellor. It’s only your freshman year and many people don’t make any long term friends during that time. Just do your best to persevere. Best of luck.

Do the clubs do anything? If you follow your own interests, other things will come along.